Creating A Structured Dd Contract

When we set out on the journey of becoming taken in hand we had a lot of long heart to hearts and as time has gone on, we have become more experienced and tweaked how we handle the DD side of our marriage. We have talked about what we want to change and how we can change it through discipline and we have written a contract.

Although the actual contract is too personal to write here, I'd like to share how we agreed on the contract because I think it has benefited us greatly. I think everyone in a DD relationship should do this, so everyone knows what their responsibilities are and you are clear on what you aim to achieve.

One of the things we did was write a list of behaviours for both our self and that of our partner. We focused on positive things that we like about each other as well as things that we both thought needed to change. It was really difficult and quite an emotional process putting that down in writing about the person you love but both of us agreed that it needed to be done.

We sat with a bottle of wine and some chocolate and we pledged that no matter what we put on the list, we were not going to have a massive argument about it, because it's a positive thing that we came into this to change negative behaviours and strengthen the positive ones.

The lists we made were split into areas:
1) The image you project to the outside world.
2) Things that directly affect our partner.
3) Personal insecurities and internal conflicts.

We compared our lists and then wrote out what was most important to us and ranked them with a five point scale, five points for things that are extremely negative, down to one point for things that you can live with but would like to see change. For me, the top scoring behaviours are things we agreed to tackle with discipline but for my Husband, he also had to be aware of what is expected of him. It has helped for him to be aware of his own weak spots so that he could strive to be the best he could be for both of us.

The responsibility my Husband accepted as HoH is a great one. He knows that if he isn't accountable for his actions, then DD will not work for us and he will lose the respect I have in him as HoH. Luckily my Husband is a strong man, he's very controlled with his emotions and he is ideally suited to this kind of relationship but it helps for both of us to know exactly what is expected of him.

I have put my trust in my Husband to decide what discipline I get. He knows my limit. The spanking for a point five misdemeanor is a thorough one. He takes me to my limit or just beyond and so far, I have only been spanked like that twice. It is never something I want to be repeated very often. My Husband doesn't usually spank me for a point one demeanor unless it is something that I keep repeating, usually it will be just a warning or some sort of non spanking discipline.

My Husband has become very skilled and creative in his role of HoH. He understands me completely, sometimes better than I know myself. It is a balancing act between being understanding and knowing when I need extra care, or being a firm but fair disciplinarian. I have absolute respect and trust in him and what we are doing because we took time to think things through, we both know where we stand and there are no surprises.

I love domestic discipline because it keeps us both on our toes and we always strive to act with each others ultimate happiness in mind. I find a lot of pleasure in pleasing my Husband and I know he feels the same way in pleasing me. I truly believe that DD is making our marriage stronger with every passing day and I would never wish to go back to the way things were before. I hope what I've shared today has given you some food for thought and I hope you can benefit from it. I would be really interested to know how you make this work for you too.

I think it's wonderful that we have a community here and that we can share and learn from each other. I'd like to thank you all for everything you contribute here and for individually helping my marriage become what it is today.

Roberta x
RobertaSunset RobertaSunset
36-40, F
4 Responses May 11, 2012

Brilliant story. My wife and I are currently discussing a disciplinary contract although he roles are reversed as it is she who will discipline me. The full contract has yet to be agreed but last weekend she served me with misconduct and punishment forms. I have uploaded these into my photo file and welcome comments from anyone who may have suggestions.

I wish you happiness in your marriage, thanks for your comment.

I think it's great to have a DD contract

As you probably know, we haven't made any contract, agreement or such. My husband thinks I know how to be a good wife and person. <br />
Truth is, we had had some disagreements on that. He says that's ok and that we should discuss each issue or situation in a calm way... Wich I never do, because I usually explode ( with the obvious result, of course)<br />
Maybe something like this could help me prevent that. But I know him... He would laugh about this kind of paperwork (I'm sure he will think it's childish, woman stuff, or something like that...) Ewwww.

I think it really helps to think about the areas that you want to address because there are things that I do that I wasn't aware about or things that I minimised or misunderstood the impact it had on my Husband and our marriage. Writing it down means you don't forget and if you do, the terms of the contract come back to remind you so there is no arguing because it's there in black and white.

No chance of forgetting, in my house

Maybe I'll bring up the subject of a contract or at least an outline for the obedient lifestyle, I feel so drawn to, at our upcoming anniversary! I think that would be a suitable occasion to renew certain aspects of our marriage. My husband isn't a man,<br />
who likes long discussions just for the sake of talking, but this 'constructive' conversation, might just be the thing to set the scene for our future years together... And I suppose, it's a good idea to seal the deal afterwards with a special round of .....??? ;-)) Thank you for this great idea!

I just like to seal the deal lol, I don't think you need a special reason but hey, any excuse is a good one lol :o)