New And Have Questions

I am 23 and recently got engaged to be married to my fiancé who is 28. After the proposal, we have been talking Domestic Discipline came up. He googled a website and we discussed it. I said I wanted to research it some more. I will admit that one time he spanked me because I was being extremely rude and called him some horrible things in fight about 8 months ago.
Although there was no discussion about it, it just happened. I thought he was joking. He put me on the bed pulled my panties down and night gown up. He used my hairburush until I was crying. I was much calmer after and we talked about what I did and said and how hurtful it was. We hugged and moved on.

After he explained that this was a deal breaker for marriage, I found out that this is how his upper middle class, college educated parents conducted their marriage, and his last two relationships was done this way.

Confused about implements, corner time, maintainence, and boot camp, item restrictions.

I am not saying no, just I want more info.

Anyone done any of this?
Zhanes Zhanes
22-25, F
7 Responses Aug 13, 2012

well my name is maggie and i 21 and my fiance is 26 and we are enaged if you need someone to talk to about things you can text me at 614 961 0827

We have been married for 8 years, together for 15 and just started this to resolve issues in our marriage. It has been a couple of months since we have started but it has done wonders!

WOW!! Thanks so much for the info and guiding me to places to learn more. We both believe that marriage should be walked into lightly. I'm thinking of doing some more research and then perhaps giving it a whirl for maybe a 3 month trial before we get married. If this is a deal breaker, I don't want either of us to be unhappy.

Very good idea! If this is something you are not comfortable with or you cant reach an agreement regarding your limits then you could both be dealing with a great deal of heartache if you married before you were sure. Wishing you lots of luck in finding your way!

There's been some great comments here already and not much I can really put into this. I just wanted to tell you I've been TiH for two years now and I'm really happy. It works for us. Sounds like you will have a lot of support and that this could work really well for you too. There's a book we've found really interesting and helpful, "domstic Discipline" by Jules Markham. I think you will emjoy reading this too as well as the info that is widely available on the web :o)

I can't believe you've only been doing this two years! From your posts, I assumed much longer. See...that to me is another example of how amazing this is, for those inclined. How quickly this experience can solidify our relationships.
I have looked at that Markham book a few times and thought about made me want to know more now :)

I've been submissive for longer but spanked only for two years. I was a surrendered wife before making the switch to TiH :o)

I must know more about this!!!! =)

It's from the book, "the surrendered wife" by Laura Doyal. I have shared some stories if you look at the group "I am a surrendered wife" :o)

1 More Response

I cant add much more all of the previous answers give great advice and resources! Welcome and congrats on your engagement! The only thing I will say is communication is key not just at the beginning but always because your needs and boundaries may change over time and it is crucial to be able to talk to each other. As its been said before no two relationships are exactly the same and what works for one marriage may not work in another so try not to feel like there is a right or wrong way. Its fortunate your hubby to be has some experience with all this. Its a little scary at first but exciting and so worth it! Good luck to you both and this is a great place for support!

Hey Zhanes --- Welcome!<br />
<br />
Eight months ago, huh? You said you felt calmer and communicated effectively, post crying from the spanking. And you are still in the must have "struck" a chord since you are still together. <br />
First off, Taken in Hand CAN and by far usually does involve some domestic discipline, but it does NOT have to, and it is typically to lesser degree. TiH It iis at the heart about love, respect, and leadership, marriage and family oriented. Check out the site; it provides so so much info....guides, baics, helpful articles. It is the clearest How-to spot on the subject. Why some couples have rules, why other do not. Why some use just spanking, why some use corner time and confiscations, implements, boundaries. Ultimately, I learned that a relationship with two unique individuals, is just that, unique x2. Your marriage is what the two of you create together. You guys together mix the ingredients to make the best dish in your home. Taken in Hand site provides all different ways to approach your mix. It's a great starting point because you get exposed to the philosophy, the practices, the benefits, etc. Once you gain exposure to all the variables, you will be prepared to decide what you need and want, what will and won't be good for you or relationship. In TiH, you are given a sort of foundation and fr<x>amework, but you -the couple- builds the actually home upon the fr<x>ame; you guys are the fabric inside. <br />
DD and Christian DD are different from each other, and different from TiH. Explore them all and you will find your answers and be able to chart your own course. The TiH site is big on making clear those differences and what sets it apart in its own right. It gave me so much insight into what is what, when I was in your shoes and trying to figure out which direction is the one. The DD, especially CDD is a bit more formulaic in design. If you're comfortable with your husband having complete say over anything and authority in do anything to you, that's more your route. TIH men would NEVER use a particular form of discipline if he knew it caused emotional damage or took the woman to a dark place. TiH is meant to do the opposite....heal emotional distress, cleanse the relationship of tension, and take the couple to the height of enlightened love. <br />
You have an advantage in that your fiancée is exposed to this, more, he has practiced it. He is probably comfortable and seasoned in his role and that could make the transition smoother, he will be inclined to make less mistakes (assuming you both adopt same vision of what you want). He is able to communicate on the subject and that has been such a big thing here....trying to talk to him about it. So many have a hurdle to jump there. It is often with time that conversations on the topic can feel approachable and communication is there, but you seem to have that at your lap already. Bonus.<br />
Good luck with your search. <br />
Please feel free to email me any specific questions you have, if you are not blogging them. I have a ton of info and insight and yes, opinions, and would love to offer help and support if wanted. I don't want to yammer on too long on your post :O Best wishes for a happy dynamic, whatever path you choose. Keep us posted.

You bet honey. It can seem frighting if you don't understand or if it is new to you. Talking to him is most important. But you can also read book or other ladies blogs. To speed up your learning curve. I believe in time you will find like the rest of us that is helpful. You will come to find it makes you feel both loved and cared for in a way you did not expect. <br />
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I find it makes me a better Mother, wife, christian, and person. With time discipline is used less as you learn and grow. My husband would never correct or discipline me in front of others or our kids. He would never put me down, or belittle me. Everything he does is done with love and understanding.<br />
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I suggest you go to and search Christian Domestic Discipline and check out some books on the subject. Keep and open mind. Maybe read them together with your man so you can talk ~ Best wishes....Contact me any time Dear