This weekend we managed to take the children to spend the night at their grandparents. This is extremely unusual! We left them by night and then we went out to a bbq at some friends. We came back really late, about 5 am. We had a wonderful time.
Following day, I was expecting something "more" though... But it just never happened. It seems my husband is not so interested in sex as I am. He goes through periods when he is not really in the mood and that hurts me.
I have talked about it, but he says its only natural. Is it So?
He says I could always take the lead and "motivate" him, but being sexually submissive that would really turn me off.
I feel great deception.... I had great expectations.
I was more than annoyed actually. I texted him a couple hours ago... I was a bit confrontational. I am sure he is not happy now, so to top it all, I'm probably in trouble now.
Part of me wants him to just take me, but another one doesn't want to and would just love to ignore him for a couple weeks. I want to reject him back. I think I am seriously pissed

anonimacy anonimacy
36-40, F
13 Responses Sep 17, 2012

I'm just now reading this a year and a half later (because I'm new to EP and just now catching up on the posts in this "group")... But, wanted to say that I love it when my fiancé shows some initiative and doesn't leave it up to me to be the ONLY one to get things rolling in the bedroom. It makes me feel wanted/needed and is good for my ego! In fact, we have had many fights along the way (before we started TiH... we don't argue now, because I don't allow it destroying our relationship!) about this very subject... She felt embarrassed to come on to me. She said she was afraid I would see her as being too slu++y or something, etc etc.... There would be times whenever I just wanted her to take me sometimes (and not wait for me to initiate it!!) and make me feel like she was still attracted to me and wanted me too! It left me feeling unwanted and unhappy whenever she did not!...

Anyway, do not be mistaken, I'd be willing to bet that men in general want/need for their women to take the initiative sexually sometimes in order to stroke their ego and make them feel wanted in the exact same way that you ladies want to feel wanted/sexy!

a simple look or touch may be the only thing needed

Wear cute panties and make sure he sees them, forget a towel when you get out of a bubble bath, do yoga in the living room where he can see you lol anything to get him to see how sexy you are. Im sure you will get his attention soon.

You need to shake things up and take a sexual lead yourself for a while, I think having the kids around can mean you are always exhausted and both of you can get into a rut of comfort sex and that's not always as fulfilling long term. It's so easy for women to feel emotional and rejected when things are not as exciting as we feel they should be, we're always told that men are sex mad and they think about it every six minutes and so we kind of expect them to always take the lead no matter what... but men get tired too!
My advice is forget sexual submission, remember all your best party tricks, pull out all the stops, remind him what he's missing and blow his mind! If you are giving him cake with icing and hundreds and thousands then he's bound to want more of it right? Also make sure you look ravishingly hot and smell great at all times and when he's doing it right be double vocal about lavishing him with praise. I think a bit of filthy talk works wonders for flagging men and I'm pretty sure it'll make you horny as sin too so don't be shy :o)

Totally agree and it can be a lot of fun teasing the other half. Let him catch you naked or wear a short night shirt with no underwear or better still his shirt watch a sexy movie with a few glasses of wine just a few ideas and don't forget to have fun with it don't make it too serious

oooh yeah, his shirt and a lace thong... you cannot go wrong :o)

I love your style Roberta!!!! I'm sure your husband is a very happy man :)
As for myself I really don't know... My husband is not the typical male prototype. He likes sex, he gets turned on by my response and likes when I hint him I'm in the mood. But that's all. He doesn't like when I am too sexy, not like the aggressive sexy prototype at least. He fits quite right with me I guess. He likes me to be submissive in sex.
The tricky part is how I manage to motivate him without being too blatant.lol

That's tricky, I don't think I've ever been anything but blatant lol, something I do that might work is what I do when I know I'm in for a spanking.. TiH overhaul! I have a lovely meal ready, put the kids to bed early and go all out to butter him up. It generally involves me getting to my knees and taking off his shoes, running him a bath, telling him how stressed he seems and asking if he'd like a massage...For us, things usually heat up from there, it's a more subtle way of getting sex than straight out asking for it, unfortunately though, he's started to get wise to my plan of creeping out of a spanking but Id say it would definitely get you laid lol :o)
Anyway... Good luck :o)

1 More Response

I agree with Beth, sometimes you have to make the effort. It adds spice to the relationship.
If the kids were gone, then that should have been a hint to the 2 of you that you have the house to yourselves.

We went out that night. We were missing our single friends. They have no kids, so we stayed out till dawn. Plus, we had some alcohol, wich we usually don't... So we were extremely sleepy and tired next morning. I guess we should plan another time, just the two of us.... And yes, I should be more creative myself.

I have an extremely high sex drive I could do it all day everyday but as you can emagine my partner does not feel the same. We are both young me 26 him 28 but I'm often left wanting because he is too tired. I guess we just have to deal with it these poor men just can't keep up with us lol

Why it has to be like This?? Lol. I've been with my husband since we were teens and he is quite normal according to what I've heard. It's Me!! Lol.

Careful dear...Now depending there could be a slow down of his male drive that is medical...None of us can diagnose that . Your age is getting close to when there is a speed up of your sex drive. I know natures irony we ladies are at our sexual peak about 20 years after the guys.

One thing to remember is not to cause a fight. Driving anger between you is not going to help. Finding a respectful way to discuss your increasing needs or just needs is the key. Some times I tell my Man I am having trouble finding a way to say something respectfully and ask if I can just spit something out awkwardly. Don't know if that helps...Hugs sweetie

Thanks! I think in the future this could be a problem... It's a good thing that we know these facts nowadays, so we can look for medical advice.

I just read all the comments and I think its all been said. Ill just say I'm here for you and it sounds like you are on the road to recovery! Hugs!!

Sometimes, ok often, I am in the mood while my Husband is not.... I think ot os because He is about 20 years older tham me... And when he turns down the sexual play time I am trying to initiate, it is hard for me. To me it feels like I am personally being rejected. I know that isn't the case. It is me being sensitive and emotional.

My advice is dont reject home when he is trying to be intimate with you. It will only make room for more frustration amd hurt feelings.

Hopefully he is not upset by your txt and things will go smooth when he comes back.

Good Luck!

Being 52 myself, I think the sex drive of some men starts to decline about that age. I find sometimes though that having sex when I am not in the mood, will act like priming a pump, and the sex drive returns instantaneously.

Thank you! I won't get away with the rejection. He doesn't allow that. He came back and kissed me. Good sign at least, though he hates this text tantrums, so we'll see...

I can only speak from my own experience. If I am tired, I am definitely not in the mood for sex. Same with being stressed. To be honest with you, if he goes through long periods where he is not in the mood for sex, I think he should still have sex to accommodate your needs. Maybe once or twice a week.

I think that spouses need to try and please one another. I guess if being sexually seductive is really repulsive to you, than you should not do it, but if it is only mildly distasteful, then I would.

It is good that you are able to talk about it. In reality, both partners are never going to want to have sex always at the same time.

I was a bit upset while writing this. His periods are not long. A week is the maximum on very stressful times. He is my same age, 37, but I guess he has so many things to take care of, that he just want to rest or watch a movie sometimes. To tell the truth I was not extremely horny, lol. It was just like we "had" to, since boys were spending the night out.
I don't mind to hint him. What I don't like is to be aggressive and too open. I think he doesn't like that either. He likes my response, but not my assaults, lol

It's very normal for a man to want his woman to take the initiative at times. You know that men like sexual variety. If a woman is only ever sexually submissive in the amorous realm and never seductive or outright aggressive, that's not most men's ideal sex life. Spontaneous ***** tease, dirty talk, helping yourself to his **** without warning, rubbing against him in unmistakably sexual ways, those are all wonderful things from a man's perspective. If you read any of those books or articles on "X number of ways to drive your man wild in bed" it will confirm what I say and give a lot more specific ideas.

Thank You CC! Wise suggestions and a little male perspective are always very welcomed. :-)

Ok, I am writing this a few hours later and I feel terrible... I made a mess out of nothing and I would just delete the whole story, but that would be like cheating somewhat, lol.
I simply cannot stand when my husband is on a different mood. Why am I overreacting like This? I think hormones can be my scapegoat. I hope he won't be mad at me when he comes back. I don't want to ruin our holidays acting bitchy.... :-(

I assume this is a typical trick the hormones are playing on you... Hope he'll deliver the goods, not the paddle... Good luck!

Ouch... I think you are right... I re read my own words and it is obvious. I am over reacting!! :-