My Biggest Misstep So Far...I have made a huge mistake in my tih relationship. Probably the biggest misstep I have ever made, with the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. Were this a ‘normal’ TIH situation, I would have been turned over his knee and spanked firmly, until I was made to feel every moment of my transgression, my disrespect, and my disobedience.
Honestly, I would prefer my bottom to be hot and sore right now as I write this, because it would relieve me of the horrible guilt I have to carry inside, until my man comes home. He is far away, in a dangerous place, working constantly in order to care not only for me and my son, but four other children he has been responsible for much, much longer. He is responsible for so many, and has taken on me and my son without even being asked too..
This man steps up EVERYDAY for so many, and I have been blatantly disrespectful his time. I have been consistently late in meeting with him at my appointed time, when he has other’s waiting on him for instruction. Not only am I devaluing his time, I am disregarding theirs as well. I just feel awful.
To make matters worse when he finally snapped last night, instead of being appropriately contrite and ashamed, I reacted like a petulant child! I was defensive, angry and didn’t even have the distance or perspective to realize how childish I was behaving until many hours later, in the light of day. I made a few easy adaptations to my daily routine, and I will never have to keep him waiting again. And he never should have to be waiting for me when he is so far away. I should be what makes him happy and relaxed, not what brings him frustration and impatience.
If ONLY there were a consequence to my truly inappropriate behavior. If only I could be shown my place over his knee.. But I have no release from my guilt, and my tantrum. All I have is an anxiety that won’t go away.
starvingchef 31-35, F 8 Responses 4 Sep 21, 2012