GuiltOk so I'm dissapointed in myself and even a little embarrassed to admit the things that I am about to admit in the story to come but I feel like I need to get it off my chest and get some advice from people who have the same type of relationship as I do.
My boyfriend and I came up with rules very early in the relationship and I agreed to all of them. I was fully aware what not to do and I knew that there would be consequences to not meeting his expectations. One of the rules that he has for me is that I can not get anything lower than a B on all school assignments. He wants me to do well in school and he also wants me to maintain my honors status. This rule was purely for my benefit and I know that.
Well, the days leading up to a test I had at school where chaotic. There was a lot of stress and I let nmyself give in to letting other things get in the way of my studying. The day of the test came before I knew it and I ended up only getting a 70 on it, which is not representative of what I am capable of at all. I told my bf my grade and he told me I would be grounded for one week and that the reasoning behind that would be that I was to stay home with no distractions and study so that I could bring that grade up. His only concern was for me to excell in my classes.
Anyways, a couple days into my punishment I snuck out for a while. I know that sounds horrible but its not what you think. A friend of mine was leaving the next day for a lengthy amount of time and I only met up with her for a few to basically wish her the best of luck on her trip. Right after that I can straight home. The guilt got to me and with the advice of a few of my ep friends I decided that I should tell my bf what I had done so that he would never feel that he couldn't trust me or that I was lying to him. I explained to him what I had done and he told me to go get the paddle. I did as I was told and then went over his knee for a spanking. He was so mad at me and said that my actions show that I have no respect. It was decided that for the remaining days of my being grounded I would recieve a spanking every night and then sent to bed at 10 pm. At the time I agreed that this was fair and I was eager to please him. Then it all went down hill from there.
The first day of my early bedtime I managed to stay up a half hour past my decided bedtime. At the time I felt clever that I was able to do this. Then the second day of my punishment was sooo bad. Both of these days I did not go straight home after work as I was expected to do. I found excusses to go to the store and then I even told my bf that I had to go to the store for medicine but in reality I went and got new nail polish so I could do my nails if I had to be trapped inside.
When my bf came home at night he went to get the paddle and I threw myself on the bed and cryed before anything had even happened and I started to beg and plead to get out of the spanking. When that didn't work I started to try to negotiate a lesser spanking or with a less harsh implement. That didn't work either. He had me go to the living room and get over his knee and before the first strike even came I was crying loudly and over dramatically into the couch in hopes that I would get some sympathy from him. I kicked, I wiggled, begged and cryed. I even tryed to get away. After a few spanks he finally got frustrated and said fine your done. He told me that I was defiant 100% of the process and that it showed a lack of respect for him and a lack of seriousness for our relationship. I felt horrible but I'm ashamed to say that the disobedience did not even end there. Again I was supposed to be in bed by 10 and I managed to stall until 11. Then when I finally went to bed I found an excuss to get out of bed and I played on my phone for a while. Eventually I fell asleep.
So yes I managed to get out of a spanking and stay up later and manipulate the terms of my being grounded but now I am just left here feeling overwhelmingly guilty. At the moment when I got my way I thought of it as a 'win' for me, but now I just feel like I got a 'lose' for our relationship. I don't know how to fix this and I know my bf is very irritated with my behavior.