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Did You Say Thank You For Spanking Me?

A Hard and Thankless Task

Has any woman ever wondered how hard her HOH’s job really is? Being the head and leader of the family can be a very tiring and frustrating task.

1. He has all the preparation it takes to plan a suitable punishment to fit her misbehaviour.
2. He has to sometimes wait and watch her carefully, before administering punishment, to see if she is truly prepared to learn her lesson.
3. He has the stress over whether or not she has been adequately scolded, prior to her punishment.
4. He has the physical discomfort in his hand or arm from repeatedly spanking her bottom.
5. He has the stress over whether it is his fault for not punishing her effectively, if she has repeated the same transgression over a relatively short space of time.
6. He has the stress over whether it is his fault (the ineffectiveness of scolding/punishment) if he fails to bring her to tears.
7. Not to mention the sheer unpleasantness of spanking his woman to tears and beyond. The unpleasantness of causing her to cry, of directly causing pain to her bottom for her own good.

I have read a number of posts where women vehemently deny that their HOH is stressed at all! In fact they proclaim that he is deriving immense satisfaction from punishing his wife by spanking her to catharsis and beyond! Perhaps these women are confusing a punishment spanking, Pre-emptive spanking or Maintenance Discipline with the pleasures of an erotic spanking? Surely their man cannot be so cruel as to enjoy disciplining their beloved woman until she is weeping remorsefully from both the pain and shame of her spanking? The Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is very clear in its message. It is the use of corporal punishment to eliminate negative behaviors and enhance positive behaviors. In short, it is modifying the woman’s behavior so that she can obtain her very best potential as a woman, wife and mother.

Please note this is from C's Loving Domestic Discipline Blog. I found it delightfully helpful when I was starting out some time ago. I know a few have asked me why I always say thank you after Paul spanks me. I hope this will explain to you why I feel I should say thank you.
Also help you to understand his job a bit better. It is not easy for him either. Hugs Jenna
JennaR JennaR 46-50, F 43 Responses Oct 15, 2012

Your Response


Ha, ha, ha, oh you guys.......

Snow I realize you are brand new to EP today. However, you should know it is not appropriate to laugh at, or in any way degrade other people's posts. if you do not agree with this group please move on to one that does interest you. There is a reason that the reply box says to answer in supportive authentic, and respectful answers.

I'm sorry, Jenna, lol. I mean no harm ( honestly ) and if I'm laughing at anyone, I'm laughing at myself MOST of all ! Because spanking ( NEVER severe, as I do NOT like women being abused ) is MY " turn on " ! You say " If I do not agree " I should " move on " ? Oh but I DO agree ! You see, I've been a very naughty girl lately ( crash dieting, not getting enough sleep, etc., ) and I totally think that I need a " Loving spanking " but it MUST be administered by a handsome, dark Italian / Sicilian, who loves, respects and adores me !!!! I TOTALLY deserve it ! sighhhhhh

Ah well then so sorry for the misunderstanding.

Thank you for sharing that perspective. It isn't an easy job, and entails so much responsibility. Makes sense why you thank him. :)

A huge thank you is the least we can give to the men who diligently discipline us. We chose this lifestyle and are privileged to have men who take it seriously and follow through. It also takes a good man a while to find which discipline we need, how hard, with what implement and how long. It also takes a good man to explain, over and over how is wants us to behave and speak. I imagine most husbands here have high standards and won't put up with less. Thank you to all you wonderful men!

I so agree dear!

I think this was my biggest cause of apprehension when starting DD. I already know my husband works so hard and I don't want to create more stress and work for him. But, I think the eventual goal is that the behavior management methods of DD will require less from the HoH, so long as the TiH is truly submitting and giving 100% of themselves. Do you think that it is always absolutely necessary for a punishment to bring a woman to tears? I asked my Sir and he said that depends on a lot of things because the crying could be emotional or physical pain or relief, but as far as crying from pain, I don't think that's necessary for more minor transgressions. What has been your experience with this?

In the end it takes away stress. In that other behaviors which caused tension go away. For example ignoring each other due to anger or unresolved feelings. Arguing...Hard to argue with you pants on the floor and bum in the air. lol

Wow, I hadn't even considered the stress relieving effect of crying.

That is really up to you two. It is your marriage. As many have pointed out before, we all run our HoH marriages the best way for us. We individualize them to fit our needs and beliefs.

I agree completely with Cher we should never compare our experience to anyone else. Also we should evaluate all advice, discuss it with our mates then decide on what is best.

I really needed this reminder to not compare our relationship to the relationships of others!

lol hang out with us. One or the other of us says it at least once a week. We all need to support each other.

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Do you think that being in a TIH contributed to your recent divorce ? Are you going to seek a TIH relationship with your next BF or future husband ?

Absolutely not there is a big difference between what happened and TIH. Yes my new boyfriend is expecting a TIH relationship. He is a delightful man who would never hurt me in any way. I have written a couple of story's explaining why TIH is not the cause. Drugs, Alcohol and selfish behavior was behind what happened in my marriage. I will not tolerate the abuse of any of those things. Ever.

I have read with great interest, lots of the responses below. I do say thank you, at some point soon after punishment, however, I think if you are made to say it, it becomes meaningless and just a way to avoid more punishment. I very often confess my wrongdoing and although, this does not mean I get a lesser punishment, hubby will thank me for my honesty. All punishments are given after a discussion and me accepting my wrong doing. He never punishes in anger. I am always given corner time as it allows us both to reflect and then I will thank him and tell him how I will avoid repeating that wrong doing. He will sometimes kiss my forehead or give me a little hug, just to show I am forgiven, but no sex. Once a punishment has been declared, it will be delivered asap and no amount of crying etc will stop it.I do cry often, from shame and knowing I have let him down, but I trust him to know how much punishment is needed.

I have never said it if I didn't mean it. Although it did not take him long to figure my attitude had not changed if I didn't say it. lol
I think everyone is different and how they do things is ok as long as it works for that couple. We all have to find what is best for ourselves.

I just had a bit of an attitude last night over this exact issue. I claimed that his job was so easy and that mine was way more difficult. Thank you for these reminders. I definitely wouldn't want to be in charge!

Thank you Ma'am. My mother has told me much the same thing about how difficult it is to be in an HOH's position. I am urged to thank as well.

You were certainly raised right, from reading your story I would say that you have turned out to be a lovely lady.

Thank you very much Ma'am

Yes it is hard work but like everything the more effort that is put in the better the results and even though it might be exhausting it is good to relax and admire your handiwork when the task has been completed to everybody 's satisfaction and to be thanked by the receiver makes the task extremely worthwhile.

I like what you said, but allow me to disagree with you. A true loving husband doesn't feel stressed or unpleasent when he know how far to go with his wife, and truely understands what she needs and what she can bear.

That is very sweet, and well said Sir

Does your husband continue spanking you after you cry?

I am currently between husbands...or in Dating land. Much like land of the lost it is a challenge in a world I don't understand.

I think you may be right but the process of discovering these things can be quite stressful. As with all things, communication is key. Woman, especially me, are tricky mysterious creatures. I often don't know what I need or can bear until the situation arises and I find myself wondering however I can expect my HoH to know me better than I know myself, but I'm guessing this just takes time. Sir has been surprising me lately with how much he truly is aware of my actions and motives, and is proving that he understands my own actions better than I do.

The men can be really impressive and creative at times. Makes you love them more. Yes discovery is often difficult and sometimes just plain unpleasant.

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in belgium if man spank his wife he could have problems with justice

I too always say Thank you right away!!!

After a spanking i like to give my wife at least 10 minutes of corner time. Have even given it to her when my friends are visiting.

I do see the benefit to corner time. It isn't something that I am given often. The couple of times that I have received it I have felt like such a child. Probably a good reminder that more than likely I was acting like one. Nice to know that my husband isn't the only one that has used it.

I love this. I do say thank you. I usually wait until I calm down. My last spanking wss before the kids came home from school. I didnot say thank you until thst night in bed. We wete culded up going to sleep and I raised up gave him a kiss on the said thank you for spanking me today. I appreciate that you saw a need and took care of it.

Delightful! I don't think it matters when, just that you do.

I have lived vanilla and i have lived as a leader... it is more work as a HOH!!! but the results are sooo worth it.

such a good point. thanks for sharing :p

We are just getting started and I have only been spanked once, but I did thank him later in the day. After thinking about it for a couple days, I told him yesterday I want to thank him at the end of each spanking. It is my way to show appreciation for what he has done for me and us. I'm sure he does not/will not enjoy punishing me, but he does it for my and our good. I know he enjoys being able to lead like he has always wanted to, but me putting him in a position of having to spank me is not fun. He said that was very respectful of me, that I am a good girl, and that he appreciates that :) I want to do my part to keep the relationship strong, just like he does his.

I did request, however, that if I do not thank him within the first couple minutes that he punish me again. Don't tell me why, though. Just say to me, we were done, but I need to put you over my knee again. I will figure it out. I'm sure as soon as he says that I will realize what I did, but I will let him carry out the punishment, then thank him.

That is a great idea. It is not always easy to say Thank you.

This is an excellent article Jenna. Did you realize all the hard work your HoH was doing on your own or did he explain it to you at some point? I'm impressed by how well you understand the stress, hard work, and planning that goes into being a HoH. Personally, I found it very hard to spank my wife to tears when we started our new roles. Knowingly hurting someone that you love and want to protect is not an easy thing.

I am very aware my HoH finds it unpleasant to discipline me even today. I always found it difficult to discipline the children. It seems reasonable that you gentlemen share the same feelings.

Damn - this is a great post! Thank you so much for your ideas and understanding.
It is not easy being a good HoH.
Jack's Jill

What if wives spank back?

Your cute dear.


They don't!!


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my wife has to thank me for allher spankings
after her spanking reguardless of what it was for there is no sexual activity we dont belive in reward for being naughty

I agree completely Sex and Discipline are two completely different things and shouldn't be confused.

you are so right never mix up sex an discipline at all
she does not need to be rewarded with sex when she was naughty

and, rightly so.

Very good read! That shows allot of respect for your husband:) I read your stories and look up to you. I normally don't cry during a spanking though. They hurt but its just not me.

I don't generally cry either. That has more to do with my emotions and mind set at the beginning of the spanking. There have been a couple where I was crying before it even started.

crying does not need to be a big part in the discipline its the spanking the lecture an the looks an feel of the bottom is what couts to get your point across

I don't believe in DD but I respect my wife and the work she does

It is not for everyone. Every relationship is different.

I just think that it's wrong, you are a person, you had a childhood where you were told right from wrong, and that they prepare you for living as a grown woman, but as you said, everyone is different.

It is ok if you do not agree. I am good with that. I do not expect everyone to find our life style their cup of tea. It is what we believe, and is quite common to our church family. I find my husband respects me a great deal.
In my career I think people would be surprised however, to find that we live this way at home. I am quite confidant and intelligent.

If that is what you are, then I have no say. The one thing that bugs me is that parents are forcing there kids to do this (Not talking about Rachel). A few years ago, I meet a family where the kids were being forced to do this, and they never wanted to do this, they wanted to live a life of their own, but they said that the parents would disown them if they do. That's sick...

We did not force our kids in matters of their marriages we stay hands off. If they ask for advice I am careful to word things in a way that lets them know what choices they make are up to them.

I don't discuss their sex lives with them I feel this is just as intimate an issue and would not presume to intrude. I think they are all doing quite well with out interference from us. They were all very good kids and fairly easy to raise. I see no reason why they should be any different as adults.

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I think it is a good thing, because it is an aditional act of obedience. That shows the woman has learned her lesson.

Love u all.

Finaly someone recognising the burden a strong man has to carry...

I always thank my HoH for everything he does.
A good HoH uses a lot of time thinking about his spouse.
He runs the home, pays the bills, makes numerous decisions,
enforces rules, listens to his wife, comforts her, disciplines her,
and so much more.
I ask permission for many things and thank him for everything, especially discipline.

I get the feeling the two of you are very happy. What a delightful relationship you have

Thank you Jenna!
We're still learning - the journey is a long one and new things pop up along the way.
That's what makes domestic discipline so exciting - there are new things to learn, new control issues to work and and let go of. New sides of our HoH that are amazing as they become more and more at ease with running the family and disciplining! We never stop learning. For each old habit I leave behind, there is something new up ahead to learn about!

The best part is the learning is something Paul and I are doing together. I am certain you enjoy that as well.

Wish to have you. I really do DominantDon. I'm in Georgia. Happy for you. Wanting you

As a Head of Household figure, I am very gratified to hear your thoughts about Thanking your punisher for. his efforts.
You speak well and with a clear insight and I value the thoughts you are sharing.
It is my role to discipline my spouse, and also to assume that role for other men who are either untrained in that task or reticent to perform it.
I also take on ths role for women who acknowledge

I never really thought of it like that. I'm very sore right now after being punished quite severely (and deservedly) yesterday. Maybe I will thank him tonight. He gives me discipline I lack

In this particular situation I would recommend that. While it definitely was not easy for you I am certain he would appreciate it.

Just wanted to let you know, last night I thanked my husband for Spanking me on Sunday and thanked him for loving me enough to care about by behaviour. He was really surprised but really pleased too. You were so right.

He admitted that it was harder than I could have imagined to paddle me the way he did because he knew it hurt a lot and that, having only been paddled twice before, that I am particularly scared of paddles. He explained that however hard completing my punishment had been, he was determined to keep me safe and our children and that he felt driving his point home the way he did was Necessary. I am so glad I read your story. You were so right. I feel more loved than ever and I know how he appreciated my thanks.
JennaR, you are a star. Thank you

I am so proud of you dear. You did the work here, and I know it wasn't all that easy. Good for you! I am so happy that it brought the two of you closer. Hugs

JennaR, I am Josfairmaiden's husband. I have just joined EP and wanted to thank you for the good advice and kind support you have shown my wife.

Thank you Sir. I am honored.

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