Am I In A Tih Relationship?

It's funny, I never knew something like TIH existed but now I read a lot about it and learned that people really crave a relationship like that. The thing is: my relationship is kind of like this by accident and I'm exited about sharing the whole story cause I can't talk about the way we do things openly.

So I'm eightteen amd my fiance is twenty. He has always tried to be the assertive one. He's a muslim and it's like normal for them that the man is assertive but he was also afraid of hurting my feelings all time time. He didn't want me to think he was a jerk but he also didn't want to be a wuss or have his gf talk to other guys.

Sometimes I feel that I have to lie about my relationship. If I would say that I can't go to a club because my bf doesn't want it my friends will think he's bad and controlling and he's really the sweetest guy in the world!!! He's always afraid to hurt my feelings and he treats me like a princess.

A few months ago We had a fight because I'd been drinking and he doesn't want me to. He said 'you know I shoulsn't think it, but I wanna punish you. But then I think you're really a good girl so I forgive you'. He was really angry. I told him it was ok if he wanted to give any punishment, and he wassurprisedthat I said that but later that week he made me clean out his mailbox as a punishment (lol) and then after it he
started to be more comfortable in his leadin role. He also asked 'i could also give you a beating if I want to, am I right? I can do anything withyou.' You know, I am usually good to him but I get very angry at times... I'm always ashamed later and my bf never knows what to do when I'm like that so I told him he could stop me in amy way which he thought was good.

He sounds like a jerk maybe but he's really really sweet and Used to be afraid to hurt him all the time (because he was assertive, but still remained insecure and way to sweet when I behaved bad) but now he's so assertive that I'm not worrying anymore and we're happy.

So then I found out about TIH and felt like less of a freak! Or is it different.

Angryletter Angryletter
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 1, 2012

You don't sound like a freak to me, your boyfriend sounds sweet but I agree with Michelle. It will do you no harm to learn a bit about TiH. You will quickly see that in a TiH relationship, the males lead and make the majority of the decisions but central tenet is that all of those decisions are always in the females best interests. People can confuse these kind of relationships as being controlling and abusive but they are very far from it. If you feel very loved, protected and secure rather than controlled, your relationship does fall into one that has TiH ideals :o)

Thank you for your comment and advice but I honestly think TIH would just confuse him a lot. He is such a sweetheart and he understands a lot. When we talked about beating, for example, he cocluded that it would be good for some women and he said it would be 'our little secret', a trick he will use to control me when we're married and things are running out of hand.

TIH helps ME a lot though: i finally understand what I want and know the right words, phrases and explanations for it.

I actually tried to bring up TIH once, but he started firing questions like 'what's that? Who are they? What religion is it? Do they ask your money? Are there men on that site? Do you talk about me? Are you a member? Yaar be honest what did you say?!!! What do they think??

Lol, I don't know how to explain it. He's very worried about things being out of place in a way. He's protective and he will only take relationship advice from me or his relatives maybe. TIH is actually not even such a weird thing when I come to think of it: it's just based on old - I hate the word but I'm gonna use it anyway - 'family values'. I actully think that a LOT of people in the world are in a happy TIH-like marriage without knowing it.

I am so glad it exists!

I think you're right... I wish you love and luck with your relationship :o)

I am glad you have found you are normal dear. It is sad when a lady feels awkward respecting her mate. Keep reading and learning encourage him to read and discuss what your read. Communication is key to every relationship. I wish you the best and you are of course welcome to contact me any time you feel the need for support.
I understand how difficult it can be not being comfortable sharing with your "real world" friends. No judgments here darling. Hugs

Thanks you for your kind response! I am really glad that I found a place where people don't judge me and it's good to read all of your stories. I think that many women are afraid to appear old fashioned and that they do their best to make clear that they're wearing the pants in their relationship. Sometimes it really shocks me how they are towards their boyfriends. They will do everything to show him that he has nothing to say about them, they will flirt with other men, talk about him behind his back, etc only because they are afraid that they will look weak or something.

I can show my boyfriend this site and takeninhand too, but I'm not sure if he will understand it. Like I said, in his culture it's more normal for men to be the head of the household. However, beating your wife is something that they really don't tolerate. I think that it happens in secret more, but I'm not sure. My boyfriend doesn't seem too shocked or weirded out by all this and he just thinks I'm a really good wife who wants to obey her husband and that he's lucky.