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He's Not Supposed To Be Superman.... But, He Is Super!

I'm relatively new to the whole TiH..DD relationship. In fact I'm pretty proud that I at least know what 'TiH AND DD' stand for!!! A few months ago I had no inkling what that was or even that it was a thing at all!

I'm so proud that I found it, and searched it out!
I'm especially proud that I was able to share this with my husband (which took some doing) and that he's on board!

In this site I've noticed that many are like me and are relatively new to this dynamic of life. Many like me have lived another way for numerous years. (For me it's 21 years!)

Being submissive has not come as easy as I would have thought. Not that I am a disrespectful wife.... I'm just used to being able to 'bend' his will till it met with my ideas and plans.
Okay, so I might have to say I was a bit manipulative. Okay? Are you proud you made me admit this??

We've always had a 50/50 relationship.... but my 50% was secretly always usually about 85%.

So now here I am. A strong woman. At work I am the ''boss'' and I even work with my husband. We've always treated the job though as 50/50... though OUR bosses put me in charge and I'm the one that has to answer for everything. ~ So like I said, here I am.... I'm asking my husband to take the reigns of our relationship and I'm asking him to be my disciplinarian, and asking him to take charge and to stop me when the gremblin in my head says, ''I know better... I think you're being stupid,, I wouldn't do it that way... me,me,me,me,me''

I didn't know if he would do it first off.... but even more importantly,, I didn't know if he COULD do it. Would he be able to be authoritative enough with me? Will he follow through? Will he be consistent enough?.... All these questions kept stirring up in me. So much so, that they have actually EARNED me trips across his knee with him lecturing me to stop trying to dictate how he should respond to each and every situation. I've gotten a couple good trips across his knees for that one... it just kept coming up. I'd think... ''That's not how Anonimacy's husband would have reacted... or Michelle0001's husband would have been more strict with his punishment... Amysdaddy would have done this and that differently.''

Oh you newbies like me,,, let me tell you something..... every relationship is structured differently for each couple... and the worst thing you could do is try and script your relationship based on other people's stories you read on this site.

Now let's cut our husbands a bit of slack shall we? I mean, usually it's the wife that wants this change and has had time to contemplate the pros and cons of it before taking it to our loving husbands... Now they need time to not only digest this new style of living, but to see how it fits in with the good things that they love about our existing relationship. I mean, they want the improvements....but they also want the good stuff to stay good or get better!

It takes a long adjustment time to all this. You don't change overnight. I'm not the perfect 'submissive', and he's not the perfect 'dominant'.... but we are perfect for each other and we will find our way through this together.

So my husband ain't Superman.... that's okay... He's a Super Man in my eyes for being open and working with me on this. I really admire him. He's never been one to be bossy with me, he does have a temper... but not a violent one. He's even more in-tuned to my emotions. I used to keep things so bottled up, now he sits down and says ''tell me what's going on in that head of yours.''.... and the next thing I know I'm crying and telling him the honest truth about things...we talk and work it out right then and there.... no festering... no bad feelings.... just solutions.

Oh and it has to be said..... The sex has never been hotter!!!!

MatildaEve MatildaEve 41-45, F 7 Responses Dec 3, 2012

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I think I've been doing that, too. Trying too much to tell my husband what to do. He doesn't know what domestic discipline, taken in hand, that thing we do, whatever you call it is but I've been trying to ask him for what I need. I want the scolding, everything that goes with it. He has spanked me with a big wooden paddle (I posted about it) but I'm not sure he's ready for EVERYTHING I want or at least think I want. Waiting and wondering is so hard.

It takes a lot of courage and communication to met them know our desires. I was married 20 years before I could figure out that this is what I want. I read a lot of stories from EP to him about other couples doing the same thing and going through the same struggles. It took a while but he has gotten better! (My sire bottom can attest to that!). Just keep talking honey.

This is great advice. Is there any way to bookmark the stories you really like here on ep, as opposed to just in one's browser?

Great story Matilda. Loved it!!!!!

Thank you!

Oh this is so good and so true and I'm kicking myself that I didn't put these feelings into words before you lol. Thanks for sharing :o)

Thank you for sharing this story, MatildaEve. You have written some great advice. It is so important not to fall into the trap of thinking that your relationship needs to be like anyone else’s. It can be tricky to walk the line between learning from others and thinking their relationship is the way yours should be. When we began, I struggled with that. Thankfully, I got some great advice and focused on what worked for us. I wish you and your husband all the best on this adventure! Cheers to all the husbands who respond well and do so much!

Here! Here! :O)

You are amazing dear! I love the honesty, I can not tell you how many times I have been there. Our husbands are truly Super Men you nailed it. You put into words so well what a lot of us ladies would like too. I am truly proud of the progress you have made, and no it has not always been easy. But worth it! Hugs

Awwww Jenna...this comment is from a long time ago but I think about how far we've come! And now with yours and my hubby on here who knows what's next for us! So long as it's onward and upward! Now when we go to the Warren Theater to see the new Superman movie we'll both be squeezing OUR super men's hands even tighter knowing that we've come a long way! :)

THIS, is the ultimate truth. I was vanilla for many years and truly nearly drove a huge wedge in our lives by being a nit-picky, fault-finding shrew. It took time, but I am so much happier as just me...and I would echo what you write, adding that accepting him just as he is, has been the greatest blessing of my life. He enjoys me as he should and I appreciate and honor him as I should. He was sooooo patient. I am sooooo grateful for that. Also, each husband/wife pair is unique so I completely agree that you carve out the world as you see it, not as others would have you project it. Hugs!