Can You Really Be Happy In A Taken In Hand Relationship

I think I might have gotten into a taken in hand relationship without trying. First let me explain I'm 56 my husband died a few years back. We were not unhappy but pretty much lived our own lives. He did what he wanted to, and I did what I wanted. I was a stay at home mom and have not worked for about 25 years. We had decided it was better for our children if I stayed at home so I could be there for all there school and after school activities.

Now at the end of Nov. my fiancΓ©e moved from another state. He got a job in my home area. I really did not want to move because with me not working its not easy to meet new people. I really love it here and he said he did not mind moving. He secured employment and is now living with me until we get married next summer. I never really expected to marry again but I guess plans change. Now even though we had a long distance relationship I often traveled to stay with him. Meeting family and doing all the things couples who date do.

Yesterday I had planned to decorate our Christmas tree do laundry and fix a late dinner. So I had a full day ahead. About 1pm Mr. D called and said he wanted me to go to the state office and pick up some papers for him. I explained that I did not have time as I did not want to leave a mess get cleaned up and go out. He told me it was not a request. This sort of peeved me a bit as my late husband made little to no demands on me. I told him again I would do it tomorrow but intended to finish what I was doing today. His reply was if I knew what was best for me I would stop arguing and do as I was told. Again I felt my temper rise and told him I had no intentions of being bossed about, then before he could reply I hung up the phone. He called back right away and I ignored the call. A few min. later I received this text. Young lady you are in big trouble I intend to spank your bottom good tonight when I get home. I replied with a in your dreams, he replied with a we shall see and a wink.

I went on with my day but could not shake this uneasy feeling. Did he really mean he was going to actually spank me? I decided to look extra good when he returned home from work and we would talk things out over dinner. Around 5pm I was about to start dinner when I received the following text. I'll be home around 6:15, don't worry about fixing dinner tonight I'll bring something home. I don't think your going to feel much like cooking after we have our "talk". My mouth flew open as I realized he was serious and "talk" was not what he had in mind. I stared at the phone for several minutes rereading what he had written trying to wrap my mind around it. Knowing he was more angry than I expected and never seeing him angry before, coupled with an open threat I felt it would be best to not be there when he got home. I told my self after he calmed down I would come home and we would sit down and talk like adults about this disagreement.

At almost 6:30pm I received a phone call from him but ignored the call knowing he had just returned home and not finding me there was going to yell at me and I was in no mood to be yelled at. In fact after leaving the house I had worked myself into a bit of a mad fit. I then received a text that said. WHERE ARE YOU? GET HOME NOW. I again ignored the text message. Thinking who does he think he is anyway, I'm in my mid 50's and I have not answered to anyone since I turned 18. Now I was really angry and decided in order to avoid an argument with him, I would just stay out until I knew for sure he was asleep, then I would go home and sleep in the guest room. I thought when he comes home tonight we will talk about what happened he would say he was sorry, I would say I was sorry and all would be forgotten. It would also send a clear message that I was old enough to do as I pleased and did not have to answer to anyone. So around 2am I let myself in went to the guest room slipped out of my jeans and fell dead asleep.

This morning at 5am sharp I was being shook awake by my future husband. His face did not look angry so when he said he wanted to talk about last night I set up on the side of the bed. He sat down next to me, and as I started to explain myself, he put his finger to my mouth and said shh, I want you to listen to me. He began by telling me how much he loved me and wanted a good marriage. But only one person could ware the pants in our relationship and it was not going to be me. That he was not an ogre and felt he was not overly demanding but that I had been very disrespectful and my attitude would not be tolerated. This sort of angered me so I started to jump up to leave the room when he reached out with a vice like grip and pulled me back into a sitting position. He once again told me the same thing he had just said. I'm thinking does he think I don't understand English but his voice was much sterner this time, and for some reason I began to cry and shake. He then asked me if I understood and I nodded, he repeated do you understand? I want you to tell me yes or no. I just wanted this whole thing over with so I said yes.

Now this is where things completely changed. With a jerk he hauled me over his lap trapping both my legs under his free leg. Grabbed my right wrist and pined it against the small if my back with a vice like grip. I started trying to get away but he is 6'6" and there was just no way I could get lose. He then in one smooth motion ripped my panties off and smacked my right cheek, with his very large hand. I screamed started crying harder and begged him to stop because he kept hitting me in the same place. He stopped then told me I was never to run from him again. That I had worried him really bad when I did not come home or call and that he knew I did not return home until 2am and that was not going to be tolerated. Then he started to smack my left cheek over and over in the same place. I felt my temper raise and started cussing at him demanding he let me go. Then I did the dumbest thing I have ever done I bit him on the leg really hard. The next blow that landed on my backside was the worse thing I have ever felt. And he just kept smacking me really hard first several smacks in the same spot, then the opposite cheek, while I screamed and cried begging him to stop. When I was hysterical and unable to breath, he finally stopped. Scooted back in the bed taking me with him. He was hugging me tight while I sobbed I mean really sobbed. He rubbed my back side and stroked my hair until I had cried myself to sleep. He then woke me told me not to worry about dinner he would bring it home and we would talk more tonight. I remember thinking I don't want to talk to you but kept quite. Around 11am he woke me up with a phone call, telling me he had left something on the kitchen table I was to read it and make sure I rested the rest of the day so we could talk tonight. That is when my blood ran cold I remember what his idea of talking was like this morning and started to cry again. I finally dragged myself out of bed to find a link to the Taken In Hand site. He told me to read it carefully and we would discuss it more when he gets home tonight. That he was working an hour late because he had gone in an hour late this morning. He should be home between. 7-7:30 tonight. You don't think he is going to spank me again do you? After reading all the stories where they say "talk" they do not mean an exchange of ideas. I really am scared and you can still see his hand print on my backside. I'm to old to be spanked and I'm not sure I can be good because I have a bit of a temper, I do not like being spanked. It's not like I can call up my friends and tell them I was spanked like a naughty child this morning. And I sort of understand after reading all day that he did not really hurt hurt me yes it still hurts but I think you understand what I mean. And that I can see why this might not be the worse thing as I do not want the kind of marriage I had before. And I don't think he would allow that anyway. I'm sort of confused and nervous about tonight do you think he will spank me again? Or do you think he really means he is going to talk more about this Taken In Hand thing. I don't want to sign my name because this was also very humiliating for me this morning. I'm not use to anyone controlling me or my movements, much less spanking my bare bottom.
trudypitudy trudypitudy
56-60, F
14 Responses Dec 6, 2012

I hope conceptual clarity isn't implying that I tried to add him.
I never have and never will. While I have nothing personal against the man and actually find him rather gentle he and I are at opposite ends of the political spectrum and have very little in common.
I'm not sure who attempted to add him, but I assure you it wasn't me.

I'm unhinged, have a learning disorder and am obsessed. Wow!
Thank you to all the resident shrinks in these parts.
There is soooo much I could say right now but I won't. Why bother with personal insults.
It could be that I am just really disturbed by how some people are treated. It could be that I am genuinely concerned about the op.
It could be that I have had the misfortune of being a child living in this type of circumstance.

You really shouldn't say such things about yourself. I really did think those were confessions until I read the rest of the comments. You have proved that you have read the story and every comment. Congratulations. I really do think you are obsessed. You should see someone about being "disturbed", it seems like it's causing you to be obsessed. Thank you for your "concern" about us, please leave now.

If you have ever been abused I can understand why you might try to reach out to others. If that is the case I am truly sorry you had to go through that. No one ever deserves to be beaten, but what I think people here are saying is that they want and desire this kind of interaction. I have read stories that have horrified me and I believe they have crossed way over the line into full blown abuse. At first I was felt like hey girly wake up your being abused. But now that I'm more educated about the life style I understand it's something they both agreed on. I don't think you are going to change anyone's mind here. If you really want to make a difference you could try to find a group here on EP where people are trying to get out of an abusive situation offer to help find them shelters in their area. Learn what to do to keep yourself safe when leaving your abuser and educating them so they can keep themselves safe. If it is a minor child help by encouraging them to speak to the right person to get help. There is so many positive things you can do in your own community to help if this is where your heart is leading you. But you are only inviting attacks upon your self here. I have been lucky my two closets friends have converted to the Taken In Hand lifestyle, Mr. D does not suffer from embarrassment regarding his beliefs. He could care less if you agree or not. Much to my distress in the beginning he had no problem smacking my bottom in front of friends or family if I got mouthy. It seems the other husbands ask questions and decided to speak with their wives about it. These are happily married long term marriages. Being friends we talk openly about our lifestyle and we are all very happy. In fact they say they are happier now than they were. Like me they had never heard of TIH, DD, HOH. Is it right for everyone no I don't believe it is and while we all live the life style no two ate alike. But since they are happy who am I to say they need to change. I encourage you to put your desire to help those in an abusive situation to use. But I believe dear you are not going to change anyone's mind here.

He moved to your state so you wouldn't have to uproot yourself - he is a good man.

Yes he is I'm very lucky thank you.

Don't worry about gumshoe. She is unhinged.

To say the least.

No reason to be otherwise. But for the record, I do not think gumshoe could benefit from discipline. That ship sailed a long time ago.

You guys nailed it. She isn't even smart enough to follow the rules of EP and stay out of groups she doesn't agree with. No chance she can be taught anything by any means.

Well I do hope someone did flag them.

Guess who added me earlier this week? Even though we agree on very little. I think it's to increase the ease of monitoring me. She does monitor me, knowing full well that she is unlikely to like what I have posted. I think that is parallel to what you are describing.

I wonder if the monitoring is just her thing or on behalf of the clique.

Ladyblue has blocked me again. I told people I had heard enough from the feminists at one particular story and knock it off. She kept posting there, and I kept deleting. She apparently got pretty mad about that, but she had ample warning.

MatidaEve, I wish I could like your comment a thousand times more.

4 More Responses

Please don't marry this man.
He should have had your consent before he started smacking you around. He sounds unhinged.

Oh dear I don't believe he smacked me around as you put it. And it's much to late we were married in June this year. I'm very happy and sometimes I get my bottom Smacked. Sometimes I don't agree with why I'm getting my bottom smacked, sometimes it gets smacked for fun like when my friends played a practical joke on our husbands over the forth of July. However I'm much happier than I was in my first marriage. He's in charge and I'm much calmer and happier. He has brought out a silly side if me I never knew I had. To be honest if he had asked permission I would have told him no way. Now had he beat me, slapped me, hit me anywhere else he would be sitting in a jail cell. I feel safe, protected, and cared for. I hope someday you find your special person that makes your stomach do flip flops whenever they look at you. Thank you for your concern but I'm perfectly taken care of.

Thank you for your kind reply. I'm happy to hear that you are happy. I'm sorry if anything I said here hurt or offended you.
Take care,

Why should I be offended your are in tilted to your opinion. I may not agree with it but I'm not offended by it either. But I don't like seeing you set yourself up for attacks either. I believe it is a case of feeling judge that has everyone so upset. It is not Politically correct to spank your wife. I'm sure many people have felt judged for their way of life. Mr. D has helped me not to worry about what others think about our relationship. There are people in both our families who have risen an eyebrow and I'm sure we have provided much conversation amongst them. However we are both over the moon with each other. And we have often spoke amongst ourselves that someone in one of our family's could use a good spanking. Are they going to get one who knows but one can hope.
: )

Aww Trudy,
You are very sweet and gracious.
I set myself up for attack and I can see why some are so angry with me.
Next time I will try to keep my thoughts to myself however hard that may be. ;)

1 More Response

Experiment goes well. Last night Mr. D was in a very playful mood. We were joking and teasing each other. I was being sassy and when he reached out his hand to grab a personal part of my body I
playfully smacked his hand away. He sort of frowned and I sort of thought oh no he's mad. But he smiled and said are you pushing for a spanking, I said maybe why you going to spank me? That was all it took he grabs my arm but not hard takes me to the couch and said drop me. I was so proud of my self because I did he never took his eyes of me and I did the same. He patted his lap I willing laid across it. His spanking was easy at first playfully lecturing me about being sassy. When I started to yell ouch we ask if I had enough. I said yes then he delivered to 2 smacks just hard enough to make me jump and yell stop. He stopped helped me to my feet I was rubing my backside . He laughed and said the last two were just reminder smacks so I knew who was boss. And then the white hot sex you talked about yep it happened :) and I think it helped me to trust him more and I did not even cry. I was very proud of my self. I also did not fight him and willing laid across his knee. The only thing I don't understand is why I got two pretty hard smacks at the end. But my experiment went well. I liked this one a lot more than the last two.

I did not need the reminder after Sat. morning ordeal. Trust me I know how bad his hand can sting if he wants it to. I guess it was a small price to pay after all he did sort of make up for it. Blushing :)

I feel so much better after talking again to Mr. D about a TIH relationship. He explained his limits. He answered my questions and put an end to my fears. He even said he understood about my reaction to run, He told me it would be easier for me as time went on and he would not be as harsh with his spankings until I had time to adjust. I even confessed my need to push his buttons sometimes. He said it was natural I was just trying to find the boundaries. And he knew I was doing it so now maybe he would spank me more often if he thought I was pushing but not like he did Sat. Morning. He called them reminder spankings. I guess I'm ok with that I'll have to see after I get one. He also said after I calm down after a spanking he would be asking a lot of questions now. That way he would know how best to spank me. He also said that if I was in a bad mood and he ask me about it as long as I was respectful I did not have to worry. But if I did not talk about it I might get one because it could help me not be in a bad mood. I don't think that's going to happen but he said it often helped his late wife to let go of pint up feelings. He said they are kind of like the reminder spankings as long as I don't become defiant during one. I think I understand things a lot better now and I am not as afraid now. I hope I can remain this way when I come face to face with my next spanking. If anyone has any tricks to keep them clam I would like to hear them. But right now I'm feeling pretty good about it.😊

does it help you to feel better if you get spanked when your feeling all tense and your being snarky? He said about once a month he would spank his late wife because she would get like that and it helped her to feel better because she cried. That seems odd to me in one way but makes sense in another way. But they are not serve spankings just hard enough to get a good cry going. Since I'm crying before it even starts it should not be severe.But how do you keep from getting mad,or defiant? Do you say something to yourself to keep yourself from getting emotional? Sat. I was so upset I cried for 2 days, he's a gentle man so I did not really know what was going on. It is such a relief to know that we really was on different pages. Once he understood what I was thinking and realized what I had been reading he was so understanding as to why I had such fear. From now on I intend to show him everything I read that upsets me. I told him you and he said you sound like you have a realistic view of what TIH really is. But not to just talk to anyone because they could scare me. Good advice I'm trying not to friend people whose profile are outlandish. Thanks so much for your support these last few weeks, it's been a lot to take in so fast.

I got my second spanking yesterday morning. I lost my temper told him what he could do with his 2 warnings and that I was not going to live in a TIH relationship. Started to stomp off, told him no when he told me to "come here". Then tried to out run him when I realized I was going to get it. He does not understand it is a reaction to run. When I saw his face after I yelled no I knew I had made him really angry. I was running towards the bedroom to lock myself in until he calmed down. In three seconds he had me by the arm marching me toward the very place I was running to. I was so panicked I lost my ability to think clearly. I just wanted to get away, its not much of a fight because he's so much bigger than me. Why I thought running toward the bedroom was a good idea I don't know, I just made it easier for him to get me there. And he wasted no time hauling me over his lap and pulling down my panties down. It's so humiliating. I hate the way he spanks me one cheek at a time smacking me in the same spot over and over again. When I'm begging him to stop and shrieking he switches cheeks until I'm begging again. Then he stops lectures me and starts all over again. He says were talking but all I get to say is yes, no and I'm sorry. I'm not even sure I hear everything I'm saying yes or no to. I'm crying and not really thinking clearly so I think its unfair if I was suppose to say yes and I say no. I just want him to stop. I had to spend all day in the bedroom like a child and think about what he said while smacking my backside and I don't even remember what he said. He does not understand how much I hate being spanked. When I try to tell him he says I'm not suppose to like it. When I try to explain he just says no winning or he'll spank me again. I can't help it I don't mean to run from him it just happens. I don't think it's fair I get spanked harder for running because it just happens. Maybe I did deserve a spanking for yelling and being disrespectful. But he's suppose to lecture me before a spanking. And he does not understand what it's like. I know I'm rambling on how can I get him to listen to me about not spanking me so hard. It just makes me scared and mad and then it makes my spanking worse. He says he does not care how much I scream, and beg he's going to spank me until he thinks I've had enough. I could handle 3-5 smacks but I get way more than that. Plus lectures between this was worse than the last one. He said that its because I ran from him well duh. Oh I really just don't know. I'm still upset about yesterday I just really hate it.

I also do not remember anything that is said during a spanking. I thought it was just me. I'm sorry, but I laughed about how you ran, it just struck me as funny. I laugh about alot of things. I get it worse when I laugh during a spanking, but it's just a coping mechanism. The quizzes after a spanking are.. I don't want to say not fair. I don't remember anything he said, so I get another spanking over and over until I remember what it was for, but I really was listening. I don't know why I can't remember. I think that all the blood from my brain gets redirected to fuel the fire in my butt and I just can't think or retain information. Lol.

Glad he got to the bottom of it

I'm beginning to be very glad that you are not my master, Mr. Lee. I would never submit to a caning as you suggested in your comment on my story. I just talked to my husband a moment ago he asked when he should use the paddle I just ordered online. I basically told him when I don't behave. The way he kept saying that he was really going to spank me... I have never shook with fear before. Now I can see why someone may want to run. I'm getting the same feeling about now. Lol.

This really sounds abusive. I'm sorry you have every right to express your feelings and to say no whenever you damn well please.
If this is what it takes to have or keep a man than I will take a house full of cats any old day!
What is in it for you?
Maybe the tih wives can answer , what kind of life is this for the woman? It sounds like you get to obey and get smacked around. Where is the joining of 2 adults? Where is the love?
I get that the husband feels respected, but it is at great sacrifice of the wife. Where is the respect for her?

Master lee is no gentleman.

It isn't about getting smacked around or bossed around, it's about consistency.

gumshoe, go back to your cats. Enough of you being a twit for one day.

4 More Responses

Living with someone after being by yourself so long can be really hard. For the most part I've been doing my own thing since I was a girl. Having someone so interested in your day is getting some use to. it's not like he's checking up on me or anything, but it sort of feels like he's to involved. My diet or should I say eating habits are not the best. I am happy with just one meal a day, eating dinner with him is something I look forward to everyday. Now being interrogated every night about what I ate and when I ate it not so much. I nearly had a an outburst during dinner last night.I chose instead to bite my tongue, but found it hard to be my easy going self. In fact I am feeling a bit like a ticking time bomb ready to blow. I am trying to be nice about it but he's not getting the hint. This new way of living is so hard. But I guess since we have not been at this very long that's to be expected. It's nice to have some place to let off steam.

Well this whole submitting thing sort of came at me out of the blue. I knew he was a little bossy, and thought it was sort of cute. Now that I know why he was so bossy and intends to stay that way I'm feeling like a rebellious teenager. I find myself pushing his buttons to see what he will do. I rely on my 2 warnings, because I don't want to find myself in a rather humiliating position again, and it also hurts. My head understands and even agrees for the most part. But my stubborn, independent side is saying, no I don't want to give up control. First my bedtime, and now changing the way I eat. Who does he think he is anyway. Is it natural to have these sort of feelings, and to feel compelled to push buttons just to see what kind of reaction your going to get? I know I am still way new to this. Did you have these sort of feelings when you found out he wanted to live this way? He's been really good and I can see him trying. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he looks at me and says that's enough. I feel bad because his late wife must have been a lot better at this than me. I just need time to take it all in. He leaves me things to read almost everyday and I think it will be ok. Then I read some posts and think h*** no if he thinks I'm going to be that way. What he gives me to read is different than what I'm reading about. That's what makes me angry and rebellious. Wow light bulb moment thank you so much. After I wrote it down and kept thinking about what you said. I think this weekend I'll ask to talk about it and maybe print off something's that bother me and show him, why I'm feeling like this. Have you ever done anything like that? And if yes how did it go? Thank you for letting me vent it really does help to feel like your talking to someone who's been there. Hugs ;)

Yes that's how it feels like ok you just do it. But in reality everything is shouting no I don't want you to tell me what to do. I don't want to be accountable for every thing I say, think, do. I don't to ask if its ok or be told that if you want to go someplace they don't feel is a very safe area you have to wait for them to take you. If you've struggled then you know that I'm thinking I been doing this for a long time by myself and did not need protection I'm a grown women for peat sakes. Then you just get that feeling to punch that button. It's so childish but if I don't push it just a little I feel peeved.

Yes that's what makes me stop after that second warning my backside. I was eight yrs old the last time I had a paddling. And it was nothing like he bestowed on my backside the first time. But you may be right I just might have to push the little buttons, not the big red ones that say push at your own peril. LOL :)

LOL Thanks for the support.

Oh I should have listened to you sooner. I spent the.entire weekend in tears, after my second spanking. It was all my fault I deserved the spanking, but because I did not tell him about everything it was worse because he did not understand. I was completely shut down yesterday. I started crying again when I was writing about my feelings and recalling what happened. He said we needed to talk and I did not know what to expect. He told me he wanted me to tell him what I was feeling. So I started to tell him about everything. The scary things I had read on here. How I was afraid I was being groomed for worse to come. He wanted me to show him, but I said I did not want to because I wanted to keep this place private, so I felt like I had a place to go and talk about my feelings. So he asked me to print off some stories that were most bothering to me. He read them and sort of looked funny I thought he was going to be angry with me again. He asked me if I thought this was going to happen to me. I said yes and I could not let that happen. I did not want to be beat then humiliated sexually. He got tears in his eyes and pulled me to him. At this point all my emotions let lose and I just cried but it felt different like cleaning. He said the same thing you said that some of the stories were not true, and some people did live that way but it was not a TIH relationship. That they chose to live that way that some women liked that sort of thing. He ask me if I felt like I was being beat and I said yes. I thought he beat me Sat. Morning because the spanking was worse than the first one. I was scared because of all the things I read and could not help running from him. He told me why he spanked me so hard. And that I was being defiant durning the spanking because I would not say I understood why I was being spanked when he ask me. I told him I was so scared, panicked and crying so hard I did not even know what he said. He said we would talk more about it tonight. He was sorry that I did not understand everything. That because he and his late wife lived like that he thought I understood better than I did. That it was his fault I did not understand, and I should have come and talked to him sooner. He held me until I cried out all my fear, anger, and hurt. Then he took me to bed and he was so gentle with me. Telling me how he would never do those things to me. That was a different lifestyle and that he loved me to much to treat me like that. I could have saved my behind if I had talked to him about my feelings. A hard lesson to learn but one I hope not to repeat. He did not leave anything for me to read today. Instead he left me a love letter and he would explain about TIH more tonight and limits so I would not be afraid anymore. He also told me to stop reading those horror stories. I think he's right about that. You had good advise I should have listened to you. I'll be changing my ways for sure on that one. :) I feel safe today and not nervous about all this now. I hope you don't mind me spilling my guts to you. You must think I'm such a baby but I really was so scared.

I couldn't stand the control.

Being suddenly answerable to someone else must be hard for you, so here's my tip, which I hope you find useful. Set aside a regular time and place when you can freely but calmly discuss any of the rules and what they're for, and either argue your case for change - or even express satisfaction with the way things are. (Saturday morning, 11 a.m. in the study is religiously held to in my house and it's sometimes almost a renewal of vows. It's the only time I ever go in there which gives it an extra dimension of being special. We call it Review.) Of course you needn't do it every week; people we know find once a month is enough especially when you've been together awhile. But its a formality so you do have to consistently adhere to it even if you don't think you have anything to discuss, because HE just might want to praise you for something, or even warn you that he doesn't like the way you're dealing with certain things, so you can watch out for in in the future and avoid the consequences. But if you don't win a particular round one week you have to accept it without being constantly at loggerheads (until you can come up with a better argument for yourself next time. It really sharpens up your debating skills!)

gumshoe - it's true it IS control, but to put it in a more positive light for those who need it, it is support. Someone might function ok as an adult without it, but the sense of consistency that might be missing from their early life can later on be taken as a real dependable boon. A lot of women who go in for this kind of thing (and maybe men too) get an immense feeling of security from having consistent boundaries set for them and enforced. That kind of security is very sexy and uninhibiting

It isn't appropriate or desirable - or possible - for everyone. But really and truly it isn't ANYTHING like domestic violence. It doesn't undermine you, it builds you up. People who are happy with it aren't kidding.

That's ok gumshoe, no one can stand you.

6 More Responses

To me this sounds like a bunch of fiction/fantasy from a 56-yr-old slipping out of her jeans....

Oh you are right it is like living in a fancily right now. We are both widowed but had very different marriages. He had a successful TIH marriage for 20yrs. I had a typical marriage where I made most if not all major decisions. I was in charge of raising our children, the house, and bills. It was not a bad life just very dull. Our marriage became more like two people living in the same house, rather than husband and wife. But I did love my husband and when he became ill I took care of him. Mr. D and myself have only been living together less than a month now. I knew nothing of this life style before last week. He is a wonderful, gentle, patience and kind man. He has never raised his voice with me. In fact he always seems to have himself under great control. I in the other hand not so much. My late husband made little to no demands on me. Mr. D had expressed his displeasure with me not either going to bed at the same time or getting up after he was sleeping. But so had my late husband at one time. I'm very happy right now and this is all new to me. I found this place where I can blog about this new and strange life I am embarking on and it is so great right now. I hope your experience is as thrilling as mine so far. I have never felt more alive. I feel like a teenager again and I'm happy. I hope you find that person that will make you just as happy and over the moon as I am. Have a wonderful life dear.

Thank you for that. You calmed my fears greatly when you pointed out that many of the lavish beatings I was reading about might indeed be fantasies. The information given to me to read by Mr. D was nothing like some if the stories I read here. Needless to say I was scared to death and ready to run. He is very gentle with me and makes sure I know which warning I am getting. And yes I was pushing him last night, he could have lost his temper with me but he did not. In fact his being calm and very matter if fact about the warning is far more frightening than if he had yelled at me. I knew he meant business and my anger quickly settled down. It took my stubborn side a bit longer which was why I was blogging about it. But when I finished I settled in and went to sleep much earlier than I would have been I left to my own accord. He is aware my sleeping pattern is off and impacting my health. I have never felt so loved thank you for your support.

Yes I agree. I also think some people do write fantasies as if they are true - but this one sounds about right

Your late husband sounds wonderful.

1 More Response

Pouting but quiet. We had a great weekend until around 9:30pm tonight. That is when Mr. D told me it was bed time. I looked at him and said good night and leaned over to kiss him good night. He said I don't think you understand from now on you will be going to bed every night when I do and you will not get up after I am asleep unless you are taking care of your personal needs, something is wrong, or you find your self in need of midnight snack or drink. I explained why I did not like going to bed so early and I did not see the harm in my getting back up once he was asleep. He told me that the decision was made and I was to honor his wishes and that was warning #1. So I bit my tongue and went to bed. Mr. D pulled me into his arms remarking how wonderful it was to have me next to him and started to drift off. But while he was feeling relaxed and happy I was working myself into a snit. While lying there I was thinking how I could let him know I was not ready for sleep. So I started to wiggle and sigh. When this went unnoticed I decided I should ramp it up a bit. Wiggling out of his arms tossing and turning hitting my pillow, sighing, kicking my legs. The more he ignored me the more I moved about. All if a sudden he sits up turns on the light looks at me and says my first and middle name. "If you don't think I know what your doing you are gravely mistaken, now I'm going to turn off the light and your going to lay down and be still. Because if I have to turn the light back on your not going to bed happy tonight, warning #2". He looked deadly serious so I laid down and now I'm lying here awake on my phone pouting, and thinking It may not be allowed but he can't see my face while he's sleeping. His broad statement in the rules as long as I feel it is best for our family clause can encompass virtually everything. I again can see his point about going to bed together and me staying there. Hopefully he will understand that I do not sleep as well as he does. I plan on talking to him tomorrow night about me watching TV or reading in bed as I have done so in the past and it did not disturbed him. But I did not think I should push my luck tonight. Am I the only one who feels like they don't want to be told what to do who lives this way?

I think you'll love it.

Ya not to bad he's been really great and attentive.

This lifestyle is only tough when you have set ideas that you don't find easy to let go of (but as long as you can explain your difficulty nicely he will either concede or go easy while you try to adapt). Also if you don't agree that a spanking is justified, and no argument will convince him. But mostly you will get tons of praise, compliments, attention and support - and very few opportunities for getting into 'outside' trouble!

I hope so but I know when we go to the doctor Fri. He's not going to be happy. I just hope that stupid doctor does not start taking about how "non compliant" he thinks I am again. But he did promise me 2 warnings before as he put it my a** belonged to him. So I see some changes on the way. Something I struggle with because I don't take bossing around good. The good news I find spankings even less desirable. But i appreciate all the support I'm getting here.

He was really sweet about it. He asked me what I thought about what I had read so far. I told him that I liked some parts but did not really like all of it. He asked me what parts I did not like. I told him the spanking part. He actually laughed out loud, and pulled me to him and said baby that's the whole point of a spanking, your not suppose to like it. At that point I think my age dropped to around 8 yrs old which by the way had been the last time I had been spanked. He gave me a kiss then held my face in his hands and said baby pouting is one of the rules you can't break. I was caught in my 8 yr old mind set and said but it really hurts and started to cry. He held me for a few moments then hauled me over his lap again pulled down my pants and started to rub my back side, told me that today that it should feel better gave me one quick swat not hard just enough to make me welp then slid me off his lap, and asked me what part I liked. It was really hard not to pout because I did not think that swat was funny at all but Mr. D had a half smile on his face Grrr. I told him I liked the part where I would not have to feel responsible for everything the way I had with my late husband. And it might be nice to not always have to feel like the bad guy. He did not say anything just look really hard at me. Then he ask if I had any questions. I asked him why he spanked me yesterday morning. He told me because I had broken just about every rule that would get me a spanking. And that if I ever bit him again I would not sit down for a week. At this point I told him I was really really sorry for that. I did not blame him for being mad, and I would never bite him again. He thanked me and said you know baby everything is forgotten and forgiven now don't you. I must have looked puzzled because he once again pulled me into his arms and gave me a most loving kiss, maybe his personal best to date. ☺ blush. I ask him what kind of rules he was talking about and he said. You must show me respect, always tell me the truth when I ask you a question, no lying, no brating which he said was what I was doing, not sure I understand that part yet???. If he gave me a direct order I had to obey as long as he was not asking me to do something that would hurt me physicaly or emotionally. I had to take better care of myself that he had noticed I was not taking my medication the way I should and had cancelled a doctors appointment because I just did not want to go that day, and I had not gotten my blood work done yet. By the way that is why I missed the doctors appointment but I think I'll keep that one to my self for now. No pouting, or tantrums, and I had to accept him as the leader of our home. I asked him if that meant he was going to tell me every thing to do and he said no. I was a smart woman and he did not need to micro manage me. I ask him if that was all the rules he said for the most part yes. But until I understood better he would give me two warnings one would be gentle and the other would be stern. That the third time my a** belonged to him litterly. That he did not believe in waiting if I needed correction it would be swift and then finished. If I wanted to talk about it later as long as I was asking why I was spanked and not complaining he would discuss it with me when I felt like I could do so calmly. He said that he wanted a happy home with lots of laughter, he liked my independent side and my mischievous side, and did not want me to change who I was, in fact he said I like your inner child and I want you to know that when I'm with you it is safe to allow her to come out and play. At this point I lunged at him kissing him and squealing like that darn 8 yr old again. It was kind of odd I felt bashful, happy, and relieved all at the same time. He told me that these would be the rules from now on and that he would give me a year to make the adjustment but after a year I only got one warning. He then asked me if I thought that was fair I said yes and I was willing to try it out but if I did not like it we could stop right. He said no will just work harder at it. That he was serious, only one person would ware the pants in our home and it would not be me. He then told me everything would be ok I was a fast learner and since I did not like to be spanked I should pick up fast. He then got up hauled me off the couch took me to the bedroom and well lets just say I forgot all about how bad my backside still smarted. 😍 He did however e-mail me some articals to read today and said if I had any questions we would talk about them tonight after supper. That he wanted me to understand why he felt this was the best thing for our relationship.

So we talked again last night, because he had e-mailed me some articles to read. After reading those articles I felt pretty good. Then I decided to do more reading on my own. Wow I have to say I had sort of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was shocked with some of the, and no offense to any one here but "beatings" I read about. You all seem to be ok with it but I have got to say I am not. So when Mr. D came home needless to say I had a few questions. Again he was really sweet about it as he listened to me ramble on and on as I was recalling some of the stories, telling him how much I did not think this was for me. I even hit him with the and some couples decided together what is ok and not. I was a little worried as he just set holding my hands as he listened. It sort of unnerved me a bit because he just look at me like he was trying to look inside me, which made me feel very vulnerable. When I was finished I was in a near state of panic, because I was so afraid he would say well that's the way it is. But to my reliefs he asked my how my backside felt yesterday. I told him a little sore but I hardly noticed. He said that's good and asked if I remembered why I was spanked I said yes. He asked if I remembered how it felt when I was being spanked I said yes. He asked me if I thought I could handle being spanked like that again, at this point my answer was not as forth coming, but he was silent as I danced around my answer. It went something like well I really did not like it and after I bit him I really hated it. I told him he had very large hands and I had finger welts all day and I really did not want him to do that again. Then he said so you remember and that was a good sign. He then asked if I remember why I received such a severe spanking I said yes. But he felt it necessary for me to recount every offense I had committed. After doing so he said that my spankings would only be given with his hand. That I did not have to worry about receiving another severe spanking as long as I never did anything that disrespectful, and outrageous again. He did warn me that if I did or ever ran from him again, hit or bit him, that I would receive at least that harsh of a spanking and maybe more. I think I turned white at this point, because he quickly followed up that depending on why I was being spanked determined how severe the spanking would be. He pointed out that I was often grumpy at the end of the day and he did not think it was a good idea to be that way as often as I was. I told him it was because after cleaning house, dinner, and running around so much that my back hurt pretty bad by the end of the day. That I had strong pain meds. to help but I did not take them unless I had to because I was afraid of addiction. He asked me if I thought I could handle making dinner doing laundry and errands if he had someone come and do the cleaning. First let me say I was speechless at first. I said yes but it was expensive to have someone in to clean a few times a week and that is a bare minimum because I cleaned every other day except on weekends, or holidays. He thought for a moment, then said he thought it would be ok to have someone come in on Mon, Wed. and Fri. If that would make me feel better. My jaw must have hit the floor because he laughed and said it was ok he made enough money to afford it. He also told he would much rather do that than have me grumpy when he came home, and he had other plans for me through the week anyways, then he winked at me with a big goofy smile on his face and I think I just melted right there. I quickly nodded my head yes and lurched forward again kissing him and telling him how great he was to me. He laughed kissed me very passionately, told me he did not want me to be in pain and if that's what it took so I would not be grumpy he was happy to do it, He then informed me that on Monday morning I had better go get my blood work done because he was taking me to the doctors Fri. and in order for them to have the test results I need to have it done on Mon. I started to open my mouth then closed it not saying anything. He smiled big and said good girl see I told you that you would learn fast. He said he thought we had talked enough last night, if I wanted to talk more we could do it this weekend. Then he hauled me off to the bedroom again for an early night 😍 wow can this really be my life. I'll keep posting as things go along because it is nice to just be able to tell someone about all this or at least feel like I am. 😊

Oh I did not think about that. I was just thinking wow how awful I could never do that. I was so panicked I was feeling sick to my stomach. I really was thinking I might have made a huge mistake. I could never be happy living in fear of someone like that or being beat because I did not get the laundry finished. In fact I don't have a "chore chart" or any thing like I read on some of the other posts. And ya I can kind of understand why he was so angry with me I guess I was being kind of bratty. It's just hard when you've always done what you wanted and really did not worry about what the other person was doing. We did do things together but they were planed ahead of time and if he wanted me to do something and I did not want to do it that day I would just tell him what day I was free to do it. Like I said he made little to no demands on me he was very laid back. Which is good but I was awfully bored and when I would tell him I felt neglected he would tell me he would try harder but it never happened so I just started doing my own thing so to speak. But thank you for the heads up it will help me to keep from being scared to death if him walking through the door. That and I am sure knowing my temper I might find my self over his lap again. But I will be sure not to make him more angry when I'm there. LOL. Again thank you it really helps me not to worry so much about it. πŸ˜„

He sounds awful.
He would completely turn me off.
My own husband likes to give me lectures and I tell him to shut up literally.

iIt would increase your confidence

You should listen to him gumshoe. You need guidance.

2 More Responses

How did it go?