When You Disagree

I'm sorry for making another thread and not responding much on this group. I read everything but often don't think I can say it in better words than others have before me. I'm in my first relationship so I can't really give much advice.

I have a question about something. My boyfriend wants to be with me all night, every day and if he's away he wants to call all night. I'm pretty close to my family, they're like the most important thing jn the world to me (my boyfriend is on the same level of importance to me of course), and especially my mom thinks it's weird that I'm pretty much gone the whole time. She starts yo dislike my boyfriend for this reason and my dad already hates him.

However, when I tell him all this he says that I'm grown up and that I belong to him now. He also gets angry and upset when I talk about this stuff. It's not just family time which I miss but also me-time. Before he was in my life I had a hard time finding a few hours to myself every day but I always did. Now the only alone time I have is after midnight when I'm lucky. Also my school is going backwards...

Today we talked about all this and he agreed to give me more time in the evening. But I could tell that I had really hurt his feelings. He said I should've told him before and that he felt like a selfish jerk but I really tried to talk about it many times before and he just got angry. But he's forgotten all those times... So I said 'I'm sorry if I hurt you. I am just explaining it so that maybe you can take it in account but I will still make time for you as much as you want. I also want to spend all my time with you but it's very hard.' he replied that he ft more guilty and that he would take better care of me and send me to bed early. But I really don't want him to feel guilty. Did I say the right thing? Is there anything else I could do?
Angryletter Angryletter
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 8, 2012

I only read the comment below this one. (I have to run) but I agree with her 100%and if he is confused go to ( takeninhand.com ) read read read. So many good stories and alot of advise. That's how we started off until we found ep. Please be careful and take of yourself. Maybe (your in school?) You can be with him while doing your work. He can encourage you and see you and he will know.you really do need time etc. But everyone needs alone time and he should respect that 100%. Good luck

Be carefull he isn't being manipulative. This advice is coming from a woman who had her head played with when she was younger, so I will say again- BE CAREFULL OF BEING MANIPULATED - A dominate man who is strong enough to be in control knows the difference between needs and desires, and he also should be putting your best interest first, all the time, every time, if he isn't he doesn't love you. OK. Sorry to be so hard there, but it is true.
So, TAKE your me time, and TAKE your family time, and take as much of it as you want! If he has a promblem with that then find a better man because life is way too short! Also, it is a huge red flag in a relationship when your parents truely feel suspicious about your boyfriend. The fact that "your Dad HATES him" and your mother is worried about how he treats you, is a big huge red flag! Back up and evaluate your relationship in a logical mindset. Take a week or two off, and see how you still feel.

Oh hun those are warning bells going off you should also be seeing red flags flying all over the place. He is too possessive. If he is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family or friends by using well your old enough to decide them or me trick. It is a classic abuser move. Soon he will he your whole world insisting he control your every move. When even that is not enough he will beat you. He has issues that have nothing to do with you. Listen to your parents, no one will ever want better for you then them. He is manipulating you he remembers how you tried to talk to him. So now he is blaming you. You made me feel bad, no he did it not you. You might need to talk to your parents and plan a surprise move out. You should be within their protection until your boyfriend moves on. You are in danger. A lot of us women out there have done the same thing. We find ourselves with someone who starts to swallow us whole to possess us. You belong to no one, and only you can give yourself away. Please be careful if you decide to break away depending on how troubled he is, will depend on how easy and safely you can get away. Then just file this away as a life lesson and move forward in your life a little wiser. Good luck Hun

Thanks for your concern but I am laughing a little bit as well as feeling embarrassed at the moment... My boyfriend is bossy, possessive and jealous. Yes. But he is the sweetest person really. They say you can tell how a man is from the way he treats his mother and sisters; his 8 year old sister gets everything done from him and when he gets angry she idn't impressed at all. His mother yells at her sons all the time but he always answers her respectfully and does what she asks...
Yesterday we had a huge fight and he got upset and told me that he'd been selfish and that he cares about my mom and my family and that he will make sure that I spend more time with them. His understanding of English isn't perfect so we have lots oc miscommunication because of that.
Really, he is in no way abusive. When I was a kid my mom and I lived at three different homes for victims of domestic violence. I know all about it.
Sorry for being so unclear. My boyfriend is possessive but only because he really loves me, and he also treats me right.
About the beating stuff; tih people have it too in their relatoonships, spankings.

You DO NOT belong to your boyfriend - but it sounds like he is determined to come between you and your family. Your mum and dad are quite right about him. He wants you to do what nobody can ever do for another person; validate his existence. To me he sounds unreasonable and selfish, he doesn't listen to you and when he finally does he lays a guilt trip on you. Chances are he could turn very nasty indeed - don't mistake this for TiH because it's nothing like it.

My mother doesn't think that he's dangerous. She thinks that he's sweet but that I listen too much to him and should spend more time at home and with friends. And I also want to belong to him, we belong together. I also belong with my family of course.

Well, a few people including myself who have responded to you say he sounds not very nice, and then you modify your story slightly. I seriously think you should watch out and not make excuses for him. He shouldn't be spanking you for your actions until he has started taking full responsibility for your needs

I didn't edit a word really. I'm just saying that I may have worded things in the wrong way and I appreciate your advice and concern, but not every man is the same.