I am 19 years old and a sophomore in college. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and we are deeply in love and planning on getting married after I graduate from school. The main problem we had been having in our relationship was that I was being extremely selfish, I was so entirely focused on what he was doing for me. If he had to leave for the army, I would scream and cry asking him how he could do this to me, even though it was just a week and he had no choice. If he had a lot to do that day, and I didn't get to see him much I would be angry at him for not taking time for me. I have since been working on changing my view of our relationship and seeing how I could make him happy and what I could do for him. Little did I know that this would make me happier than I ever had been before. I started researching online and read about all sorts of things from domestic discipline to bdsm and finally found taken in hand. We have been discussing this and weighing the pros and cons and discussing what effect we believe this would have on our relationship. Finally, last week we decided this would be a wonderful thing for us. I have not quite seen the difference I wanted. We are working through this and I understand that it may take months and months for us to get a good system and it will be a lifetime of changing and adjusting and learning. We both understand this. I have been spanked three times, yet it definitely wasn't hard enough. How do I go about explaining this to my man? Any guys out there have any idea what he is going through? He is extremely nervous about hurting me and is being overly careful. I am also curious what peoples views on taken in hand relationships outside of marriage? Do you have some sort of contract? And do you have any advice for important things to discuss would be. I would love to talk, and any advice would be greatly appreciated.