I Need Help. I Can't Leave This Toxic Relationship

I've come to the internet for help since nobody can help me with this relationship anymore. I've been with this person for almost 7 years, he's been living in another country since 2006 and yet I haven't been able to end this toxic relationship. He's verbally abusive, selfish, controlling, manipulative, but in some way he makes me think that all our arguments are normal and that  make everything up. He doesn't see who he really is and every time I try to break up he makes me feel miserable and guilty. I feel like I'm a mom to him. We spent the past two months together, I travelled to where he lives. We argued every four or five days, arguments sometimes lasted for about 7 hours!!! And then one or two days without speaking, but when I said I didn't want to be with him anymore, he came back as a complete different person, saying that he loved me and that he couldn't live without me. People have drifted away from me. I cannot talk about this with friends, I lie to my family about him because I feel scared of telling them all the things I go through with him. He gives me things and then he makes me feel bad because of what he's given me. There are a hundred things I could right about. If someone has a comment, it will help me a lot. I don't know what to do or who to turn to.

Rurouni Rurouni
5 Responses Feb 27, 2009

I understand the pain. It is real. Please read my story. I need help too.

Aw.Girl- you need to invest some time informing yourself about this,,,,and get out. A good resource for me has been this <br />
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http://centerstone.org/assets/2008/9/15/ToxicRelationships060706.pdf <br />
ALso looking up 40 articles on healing from toxic relationships on helium.com I wish you the best same happened to me; I think you know already that when it comes to people not caring about how you feel or who you really are-- you have to take action. Life is too short to spend it with anything les than someone who makes you feel loved, cared for safe and nutured in a positive way- we can't help or change these guys....we owe ourselves a happier relationship ~ Good luck~ keep reading and get ready to go for good,,,you don't have to live like that and have those bad feelings all the time. Best wishes Lisa

I feel your pain. I was in a very bad unhealthy relationship for 9yrs... I recently left him and the past 7months have been the best. I am happier and I feel alive again. He was very abusive in every which way possible. Seek counseling like domestic because thats what it is.... Pray to GOD , that always helps. Get closer to JESUS CHRIST no matter what others might say about you. You wont regret it

I understand the pain. It is real. Please read my story. I need help too.

I had a toxic relationship life coach that helped me. She gave me a free ebook and a sample phone call, then, i bought her ebook and it helped. She really wanted to help women, but she helped me...I am a dark rock musician even...her name is Shannon Cook and her website is www.stoptoxicrelationships.com

I recently ended a relationship that is exactly what you just described. It took my five years. Over these five years I wasn't just called a ***** and a stupid biatch and had everything that is important to me belittled, I was cheated on time and again. Used, beat up. Five years it took me. We'd fight and not talk for a week and then he'd call, tell me how much he needed me and I'd go back, only for it to happen 2 or 3 days later, over and over and over. I did everything. He used me, used my feelings against me. <br />
You have to end it. I don't know if you are like me. I didn't even realize how bad I was until I ended it. My stress level is down so much. I smile more, I laugh more. People want to be around me. That sad/angry feeling that I felt everyday for the past 5 years is gone. I feel wonderful. No more tears, no more panic, no more guilt. I didn't even see how it was physically affecting me. If you fight all the time, if you have to lie to your friends and family...Sweetie, its not worth it. I don't know where you've been in life, but I guarantee you that NOTHING that you have ever done and nothing you will ever do will make you deserve to be abused and disrespected. Look at yourself and see how beautiful inside and out you are and KNOW that you deserve someone who loves and respects you. Someone to compromise and understand. Someone that loves you so much, they would rather die than hurt you if they can help it. No relationship is perfect, but no relationship is worth your sanity, your emotions and your health. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! I don't even know you, but I can promise you that you do. I know its hard, but after a while, the pain goes away and you realize that you have wasted so much time. Get rid of him, start doing things you always wanted to do, but never got around to. Go volunteer and help people with REAL problems, real tragedies. Thats what I did and when I saw sick people, homeless people, it helped me see that my loss was nothing compared to that and atleast I am using my time doing something that makes me feel better. Thats how I coped. Sweetie, I know that it hurts and that its hard. I've been there...twice and have vowed never to make that mistake again. If you need to talk more, I'd be happy to listen. Lots of luck, and you deserve the best, always, never settle.