Lost In San Luis, Colorado

The day I met you I thought it would last forever.  The day we married you told me that night that you did not like my 2 year old son.  You proved that over the years of verbal and emotional abuse then as he got older you tried to physically push him around.  He beg me to leave you years ago.  His words as a toddler haunt me today, "Mom, lets go away just you and me like it used to."  I cry every time I picture your little face saying that to me, but it was to late I was pregnant with your little sister.   My son is  now 19 and leaving for the Air Force,  I could not be prouder of him.(He told me he joined just to get out of this ******* town and away from you.)  I just hope that one day he  will forgive me for staying and come home to visit.  I cannot bear to live without you in my life.

Your real dad left you and me.  He said I would raise you better without him.  Maybe I have and Maybe I haven't.  We will never know. 

Not only have you emotional abused my son you abused me.  You with hold physical contact to the point that I feel like we are strangers.  I care and love you but I am no long in love with you nor do I desire your touch.  It has been so long that I no  longer know what being in love or feeling physically attractive toward some feels like.  the depression meds have taken it all away form me. But I can not survive a day in this town, in this house without them. 

I support you when you don't work, when you lie to me, Myself or your daughter wash your clothes, fix your dinner with out anything in return.  It's not like your working 10 hour days like I do.  your 14 your old daughter works every time the restaurant calls for her to wait tables.  while you curse town.  I take her to her sport events some you make some you don't.  I per fer that you don't but I would like to find someone to go with and have fun with.

God Bless my children. I love you both. mamaserna but still lost in san luis, colorado.

lostinsanluis lostinsanluis
41-45, F
1 Response Aug 14, 2010

Thank you, My son left for basic training today. I heard from him last boarding the airplane. I am so proud of him. I will be doing that soul searching.