I Talk Down To My Wife, Help

This morning my wife said "We don't have any compost". My reply was "How do you know? We have a bag in the store."
It's not what I said but how I said it. It's not the first time and apparently I've been getting worse.
She was upset but I hadn't realised how bad it sounded and carried on in the garden. After a few minutes I went in and she was crying.
I feel so bad about it and need advise.
I'm from a military background and have been brought up to tell the truth. So making a statement when not knowing that it is true goes against the grain.
I could have just said - "We have a bag in the store" and that wouldn't have upset her. So why did I do it?
Help.
looselowerlip looselowerlip
51-55, M
6 Responses May 25, 2012

I do the same thing. I was in the Marines so I know what your saying. It's a reflex. You and I wouldn't even think of a comment hurting us but to these soft, fat, lazy, stupid female civilians it destroys their life. My wife is an emotional sponge of everything wrong with this country. Hope this helps.

You are exactly the problem.....

Well I think it is wonderful that you even realize that you do it. my husband does the same thing to me and tells me to stop being so sensitive. stop in think before you speak.

Well I think it is wonderful that you even realize that you do it. my husband does the same thing to me and tells me to stop being so sensitive. stop in think before you speak.

I'm a fan of these:<br />
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-message<br />
<br />
Something I am trying with my spouse...applying compassion to her, instead of irritation. If I focus on my irritation at her, I will snap and yell and make arguments. If I focus empathy for whatever state she's in on her, then instead of taking her personally when she's tired, crabby, confused, or can't find something, I tend to choose a calm, loving response.<br />
<br />
However, first, you have to start catching yourself.<br />
My suggestion? take one deep breath and blow it out before answering her just about every time you do.<br />
This will give you just enough time to not bite her head off.<br />
Another thing? I find tension in my belly is generally a precursor to losing my temper. If I pay attention to that signal, I can stop myself by taking deep, slow breaths and physically relaxing.<br />
<br />
This all takes practice. Keep at it; and when you slip up, write down in a notepad how you slipped up in detail, especially what triggered your irritation.

Buy and read help books on just that subject. If she sees that you are actively trying to change your behavior she will be more understanding. Actions always speak louder than words.

We have talked about it and I have accepted the fact that I jump down her throat for stupid reasons.<br />
It has to stop, I'm pushing her away. She said "How can you talk to me like that if you love me. I feel that you have no respect for me". <br />
That hurts so much because I do love her.