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I Have No Mouth,and I Must Scream

It once was good,then it was bad,then it was great,but only for a short time,then it was really bad,and now it's as bad as it's ever been.

I usually know how to tone down his anger. I'm finely attuned to what makes him want to throw down. I can control the situation,at least that's what I tell myself. He wants this and he needs that,I know how to get it and fast I need to be. Then there are the times where his blows(both mentally and physically)come out of left field and I never expect it. It's like if he hasn't let it out in a while he gets withdraws. I'm convinced he fantasies about what he can do to me next. I'm always on guard for his traps,but sometimes he gets the upper hand on me.

I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being tricked. I'm tired of being scared. I feel so depressed. My only purpose for living,the only reason I'm still here is for my kids,and they've already moved out. I'm all alone and feeling sorry for myself. I've went 19 years of never thinking of myself,now that's all I do.

Can anyone hear me?

deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Nov 7, 2012

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I hear you loud and clear and I have been there. You have to get out of this. He will always have the upper hand because he doesn't have a conscience and you do, and he knows it. You can't fight someone like this, trust me. You have to leave and never look back.

Gurl you get out of that marriage.. You don't need him.. I lived in an abusuive marriage for 10 yrs.. When I got out.. I came alive ... Don't stay there and take that from him .. Pleez