Never Again! (continued)

I was asked to give some advice for a person's girlfriend who was in a relationship like mine in her past.

I am, by no means, a therapist or psychologist or any other kind of professional. I am only a woman with a similar experience to hers. It fills me with wonder, and joy, and a little apprehension to be given this opportunity. But I must say now, I can not help her. No one can help her until she is ready to help herself. I can only tell you what worked for me. What she chooses to do with this information is completely up to her.

It took a long time for me to become all right with myself. I still have moments of weakness where I find myself down that same road, experiencing those same fears. But that's all they are...Fears. Fear can control your life if you let them. You can't change the past. What's done is done. You can, however, accept the past and learn from it. You can forgive yourself for falling for whatever it was that drew you to the other person to begin with. To truly heal, you must learn to love yourself. For me, it seemed impossible. I went through stages once I got away from him. At first I hated all men. I shied away from any forms of friendship or affection. I was scared that all men were like him. I was afraid they were all just hiding it till we were together and then boom...out comes the fists and the hate and the put downs. Then I went into the"flirt" stage. When we were together, he made me look at the ground when we were in public. If I glanced up, he thought I was looking at another man. So I started making eye contact and/or smiling at passers by. It is amazing. The sense of empowerment I got from this one little act. FREEDOM. I went through the introspective stage. Whenever a fear would come up about my past, I would analyze it. Then I would let it go. I was scared of being hurt... It was not my fault that I was hurt.... I control my life now.... I am better than that now... I will not let anyone else hurt me ever again... THEREFORE, I no longer need to fear being hurt. This process works for just about any fear I have encountered in my life. It also works on guilt, shame, anger, sadness, and just about any other negative emotion. I was with him from 14 to 18. I have never been asked out on a date. I have never had a man ask me for my phone number. I have never been to a dance. I no longer mourn those things I lost, nor those things I have never experienced. I am who I am and I am who I was meant to be. If I keep living in the past, obsessed by what happened to me, I will never get anywhere in life.


Always remember: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift... That is why it is called the present.

NoWhereToGoButUp NoWhereToGoButUp
36-40, F
Feb 11, 2010