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I need advice. 30 Years Age Gap, Married 20 Years, 1 Child, People Ostracize Us In Minutes......

It's not easy being in such an age gap, however strong you are, there will always be people with ageist prejudice, or jealous or racist or just plain ignorant, shallow and self centered. Unfortunately there seems to be more of these people in the world, especially in affluent city areas than there are genuine deep thoughtful kind people.

As from my post in 2010, we have been married for 20 years, brought together from loneliness and have helped each other through much strife, we knew our age gap was very large and would put many people out of sorts with us but we never knew it would result in
Ex communication and shunning to the extent that we experience. I can truly say, the problem has gotten so much worse since having a child and we get treated so badly by the under 50 age group of people. For me the worst sentence is for my child to be treated badly and punished because of our religion, age difference and people's jealousies.

I agree I don't have the physique of a model or fashionista, and my husband is very presentable, we both play sport and are relatively well travelled and very friendly but most people shun us, use us or disparage our family.

It's plain horrible, there are people with far worst problems and we are not in poverty or enduring a conventional war torn life like in Afghanistan but sometimes it feels like we are enduring our own war unwillingly against everyone else who seems to want to make enemies of us...

I have experienced anti semetism as soon as we sent our child to school, it got so bad with our child being bullied and told "why are you here, your a Jew" by 7 year olds in a playground to my child who was not even 5 years old! Further our child was bullied and it was very unpleasant. I was literally shunned at the school gate by parents. Then we moved our child and kept very quiet about our faith. We are not religious, our name is not noticeable and we are very easy going. However, when we moved we found other couples with age gaps and children at our school and our children became close and I was befriended by the mother. But 4 months into our friendship she asked me if I was Jewish and then commented "oh you kept that well hidden." The elite school that her son attends had just been in the press for racist comments against Jews and her son had become very unfriendly to us when hen had sought football and rugby advice from my husband before. I take it, the family felt their son would be discriminated against by his friends at the elite school if their family associated with Jews,

What ensued was a targeted campaign to shun my daughter and our family by these so called new friends, another family with an age gap was involved as well.

I felt very sad and it damaged my child as they could not understand why the children were now so unfriendly....

This is justbthe beginning of the story, I would like to get some feedback so please comment if you have any questions or experiences to share...

Ifeellikeet Ifeellikeet 36-40, F 10 Responses Mar 24, 2012

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40 yr gap, baby on the way... :)

So happy to see other people with a similar situation to mine. 40 yr age gap. One child. Haven't dealt much with people judging, but I'm preparing myself for that in the near future....

I dont have any answers but i am also in a thirty year age gap marriage. We have found acceptance but life is a struggle. We have been married 19 years.

Im in a 28 yr age gap and its a nightmare. Im female he is male. Im from the states, he is from Africa. All he said for a yr and half how age was not an issue, children was not an issue. Now he hates me that I spent all my money for him to get here. He is disrespectful, even hateful. There is no respect. He is leaving me broke after I supported him all this time to build his career with the promise to love me like I love him. I would never suggest an age difference no matter what they tell you. Its all lies.

my husband n I r also 30 yrs apart. hes 56 n im 26. n ive been going through the same thing as u have been except we don't have kids yet. weve been trying but its hard for me to get pregnant bc of something I have. its called pcos its on my profile u can read up on it. but anyways last week I thought I was pregnant but im not n my manager on duty at my work I had told her tht my husband thought I was pregnant n she asked me if I would b sad if she punched me in the stomach bc no one at my work thinks we should have kids at all. so I know wat u r going through if u want to add me feel free n we can talk privatly

First question; Are U still interested in some comments on my part?
Second question; Where do U live?
.......I am not a smart a-- or trying to be holier than thou, in fact I am 19 years older than my wife. If U have true acceptance in your heart, except for the racists remarks, U should have a happy life.

It is unbelievable that after all that has hapened with your race, there are still people that have the nerve to be racists towards you. I feel nothing but respect for you and your religion, but i think you have to understand, that those are probably ignorant people, from small towns, they are not educated, they come from shallow homes full of prejudices, one has to take the high road. Move to Portugal, you wont find anyone here that will be racists toward you.

Wow. where do you live, I can't believe people would critisize you for your age or being a Jew. terrible. sorry people are so stupid.

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Hi your story is sad about your 'child' :( <br />
people should not do that and treat someone so innocent that way, i am in a relationship with a man 28yrs difference i want it work out, things are fantastic now he's 48yrs old, i just wonder what the next 10yrs would be like? i love and care about him so much!!!