How Did You Break It To The Parents?

Hi! I'm new (:

I'm 23 and have been dating a 49 year old man for about 5 months (and have been close friends for a year.) We have always clicked like crazy and have never run out of things to say. I know we haven't been together THAT long, but we are definitely in love.
I pretty much live at his house now (only staying at my own apartment about 2-3 nights per month...)
My lease will be up in the next three months and we have talked about me moving in with him.

The biggest issue is how I tell my parents... I don't know how they will react. Their opinion means so much to me. My boyfriend is petrified of meeting my dad (he's 2 years younger than my mom and 12 years younger than my dad). My parents are fairly accepting people.. and they want me to be happy, but I'm afraid they will look down on our relationship because they will want me to be with someone younger. Someone who can give them grandkids (my boyfriend had a vasectomy).

Tell me about when you broke the news to your parents/your significant other's parents? Do you have any tips for me?
AnachronicLogic AnachronicLogic
22-25, F
10 Responses Dec 18, 2012

Parents are funny about this sort of thing. And I guess if you think about it, they have to be, because they want the best for their child. But what I've seen in a lot of cases (and had a little experience with), is parents may be totally against a relationship at first, but when they see you are happy and he is good, they will completely change their tune.
My mother's mother hated my father when he was first dating her (she threatened him with a restraining order) but after they were married a while, she dotes on him.
Your boyfriend needs to grow up and realize that if he truly accepts that you two being together is appropriate, he has nothing to fear from your parents. He is (or should be) a grown man by now. He can handle their reaction.
And just some advice about the relationship itself: go slow, enjoy the ride, don't try to rush things too much. Things aren't going to magically fall apart if you take it easy, and if they do, it wasn't meant to be.
Good luck to you, have fun, enjoy the ride!

We're in the same situation. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 39. Its so hard to tell my parents...

I am about the same age gap as you- I had gotten out of such an emotionally abusive relationship, that they didn't care who I dated, they just wanted me to be happy at that point. They couldn't stand my heartbreak anymore, so they would rather me date someone much older and kind than younger and abusive. Of course they were concerned at first but as the months went by they got to see that he was a wonderful person and supported my relationship with him.

Hi :)
My parents didn't mind at all.
I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 46.

Honestly, I don't know if I am blessed with very open minded parents or what but seriously, neither mum or dad ever raised concerns to me about it after they met him. And they both love him.

I remember being hesitant in my head to tell them about how much older he was at first, because I wasn't sure what they would say or think but I just got on with it.
I also told them literally within 2 weeks of us dating, even before we were 'official'.
I think at the time I thought that they would freak out less if I worded it as 'this new guy I've been on a couple dates with'

When you start throwing words around like 'I love him' parents tend to scoff and think that you don't know what love is and go all parental lecture on your ***. So I'd leave that bit out and I wouldn't tell them you've been going out already for 5 months because then they will act more defensive and less receptive to your relationship because they will think you've been secretive and gone behind their backs all this time.

Let me know how you go :)
My mum is actually a child to an age gap relationship.
My grandma was 25 years younger than my grandpa- so... my mum technically couldn't say anything negative about me and my man haha
She witnessed her parents age gap relationship be successful, 10 children and happily married until my grandpa passed.

My dad I didn't even give a heads up to, I just invited my boyfriend around to a family dinner for them to meet him. To this day my dad has never pulled me aside to mention his age. My dad quite likes him just as all my extended family do.

Hopefully your parents will be cool about it and if not they will come around. It's not their lives anyway, they don't have to live it.

Wow we have the exact same age gap. I'm 23 and my husband is 49. I broke to my parents very simply. Told my mom I was with him, she flipped out at first saying he's not even telling you his real age (my husbands ex got into my moms ear to slander him) but then she realized that if she didn't knock it off she would lose me. My Dad didn't talk to me for a month but came around and even has deep conversations with my husband now. It took a while but everything worked out. I wish you the best of luck!


Literally just tell them, dont make a big deal out of it and bring it up in conversation. If you are happy your parents will be too and they will come around. You will be very surprised. :)

That means your parents are 10 years apart, right? Point that out if they're hypocritical about it.

I've been there before. I'm 23 and my husband is 46. We began dating when I was 21, and he was 44. I was SO scared about telling my parents too! I kept putting it off and putting it off, but I knew I couldn't anymore. At some point, you just have to take a deep breath and dive right in and say it. The most important thing is showing that you are happy. Start the conversation in a positive way - don't set yourself up for negativity. Sure, it's very possible that your parents might disapprove and make their feelings known. Be understanding, but be firm - your relationship, your boyfriend, is important to you, and you're happy, so you're not going to walk away. It may take time, but I'm sure your parents will come around and accept him because he makes their daughter happy.

This is very helpful, thank you! Some days I feel like I can never tell them. Other days I have such confidence that I will be able to tell them this is where I am, this is where I'm happy, and this is where I'm staying.

Hi I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 35 we've been together a little over 11 months now and breaking it to his parents was a lot easier than mine. Granted you have your own home and I don't I still live with my parents due to finances. When I told them I was honest and open with them and made it very clear my feelings towards him. They didn't agree much at first threatening to kick me out, but eventually they came around. They do however still bring it up and how they just don't understand. Rather frustrating best of luck to you!

I'm glad they still let you live there and that they are at least somewhat acceptive! Do they get along with him? I feel like my parents' personalities would totally mesh with my boyfriends. So I'm almost attempted to introduce them as friends first so they get to know how awesome he is before I break the news. But maybe that will backfire!

I'm in a similar situation, I'm 18 and he's 45...and I have no idea how to break the news to them! Doesn't help we are also long distance.

That's EXACTLY the same situation, we are the same age apart from our boyfriends pretty much.

I'm afraid my parents will think it's because he's buying me stuff, but that's really not the case. He isn't very well off, at all.

And then I'm afraid my parents will be mad BECAUSE he's not well off... I tend to have always dated guys who don't have great jobs and never went to college. They just happen to be the people I fall in love with. And one time my dad told me to make sure I marry someone rich. ): I thought it was disgusting. My family isn't rich, themselves! And I will be fine. I'm going to be a psychiatrist. I don't need to worry about money...

GAH! So many conflicts with this relationship. ):

Ah, so glad to meet someone in a similar situation! :)

Same thing with me, my boyfriend isn't very well off at all either, but he is definitely comfortable enough to live properly and isn't struggling usually.

Yeah, I worry that too because I have dated someone well off before, but I never loved him and it ended very fast. My current boyfriend has had a lot of experiences with different jobs in varying parts of the world and that's one of the reasons I love him. I'm also not from a well off background either. Ah nice, I want to work in research when I'm older, I'm taking a psychology degree at the moment. I might tell them one day, I think my dad might be ok-ish, but my mum already gets strange about my brother and the relationships he has, even though his relationships are all very typical and normal! It's sad because I'm sure one day this will divide me from my parents/mum, but I really hope not. All of my life I tried to please them, to the extent I've never introduced anyone to them as my boyfriend, for fear of now I'm just trying to be happy with him and not kill myself over their approval.

So...I feel as though one night, I created an account and adopted the behavior of sleep writing. Why? Because this is/was my EXACT situation.