Age Gap Gone Haywire

Hello friends! I am 19 and in a relationship with a man 17 yrs my senior who is 36. He owns his own local mechanic shop and I just so happened to stumble across it on the Internet about 7 months ago. I spent a few hours with him there talking while he worked on my car and then left on my way. It wasn't an instant connection but from day one there was at least a little something there. Over the course of the next 6 months I saw him now and again as I brought my car in. While with me at his shop my mom made a a comment "I think he likes you" still, no action was taken. Until the final time he worked on my car and we sat talking about life for 3 hours afterwards right then and there. He stumbled into my place of work a few days after and that smile stole my heart, after this excuses started to be made to see each other. I felt drawn to him. It wasn't long before his situation was in the light. He's still living with the mother of his children and has four with her. At first this was shocking but we were just having fun and hanging out so it didnt matter to me. However, as time progresses I want all of him more and more. Our relationship now consists of him sneaking around, lying, and having to go out of his way to spend time with me. Not only do I feel like I'm taking him away from his kids but the situation is really hurting me when I imagine the history he has with this woman and how she gets to have him at the end of the day (even though according to him they live together only for the kids) he tells me to be patient and that he wants to take things slow so we don't ruin it. But I fear things will never change. And if they I prepared to take this journey with him? My feelings are intense and I find myself wrestling with this constantly. Wishing I could be around him all of the time. The situation he's in is harder than the age gap itself. However, I've been very open with friends and family about it and they're unsupportive completely. So it's not any easier there. I don't want to let this man go, but I fear that the time will come sooner than later that I will have to because I don't know how long I can manage until I break.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 22, 2013