Nine Years Difference....

I used to think that it was not a big deal, that my girlfriend/wife was nine years younger than me. Nearly everyone insisted it was not a big age gap. Not everyone, after all, could be like my parents and marry someone the exact same age, right?!

Then, after we got married it seems, the comments started.... listening to my music in the car ****station changes**** and wife saying "turn that garbage off". She absolutely HATES 70's music!!! This kills me because I was nothing but gracious about letting her play her 90's country in the car all the time when we were dating. This is one of the reasons she loved me, or so she says. And yet she can't even bring herself to appreciate 70's rock.

There are other issues, such as immaturity, that really cause me to wonder sometimes if I shouldn't have married someone more my own age? Or maybe she's just giving her age group a bad name???
ambroseguy80 ambroseguy80
46-50, M
14 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Hi...this post I came across is from long ago...hope things could change ....)

Thank you. Things COULD change, but they haven't appreciably.

Wish you the best.....

Thank you! Best wishes your way too. :)

its about competing interests and who is in control. We had to Dump the self centeredness, both parties, 23 years apart

We sll have our likes n dislikes. My hub n I are 11yr apart he being older. We both do enjoy the same oldies stuff I liked when people could really sing and play instruments. I do hv different taste in food,yet ee find a way around it. The main problem is he has physical issues and he likes to stay home Once in a while I would like to take a day trip or something.

I guess it is all abt the compromise. Acceptance is key also...We can enjoy are own things

You mean there was actually music in the 70's? News to me. Try a 19 year age gap if you think yours is bad.

If you are 30 years old & 20 years old - too big a gap. If you are 40 & 50, not too big a gap. But seriously, the elder person maybe should just tell the younger person, "You are being quite rude. Please respect me as an individual, if you can't be nice just because you love me. When you are dating (I mean, not just you -everybody), you do the best you can to be nice. Afterwards, things change. "Nice" is too heavy for 24/7.

Well stated and true!

My husband and I are 12 years apart. This has always been fine with me though when I was younger my friends couldn't see what I saw in an "old" man. Presently though, is where I noticed the age difference the most, for lots of reasons. 9 years don't seem like a lot though I can see where it might be. I don't know though, I've never really been interested in men who are my own age.

I never thought nine years was much either, Sellry. And from what others here have said, I no longer think the age is the issue... it's just her unwillingness to share a mutual interest in "my" music - even though I tolerated hers.

If it's just the lack of mutual interest in music you don't like....that's nothing. Trust me, there can be alot more differences, the older you both get and with a bigger age gap!

I wish it wasn't that big a deal to me, but I guess the resentment that comes from it highlighted it.

No one wants someone to be rude about their music choices. I mean, some SPECIFIC songs I can't listen to because of mental or hearing problem. Some bass is too jarring; not all, I don't how else to describe it.

No arguments here! :-)

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well, i dont think its her age per say that is her problem but just her preferences, you guys dont have a common ground when it comes to music and that is not a big deal, chances are even if you guys were the same age, you have different taste in music and other thingsm dont let small things stand in the way of your happieness.

We are 4 years apart, and our music choices are night and day. We compromise most times. I don't think it's age. I think it's maturity to be willing to meld together. Some people are just selfish and immovable.

The biggest sentence I saw in the comments- not knowing who you were. I think most people are in that boat. I think we don't begin to find our adult selves til around 30. Me? 38. Lol! But the relationships that last through it are the ones who adapt to those realizations best.

Nine years is not that big a deal and only really becomes noticeable with things like music preferences. My ex is 8 years older than me and although it wasn't a big deal, my new man is 6 years younger than me. ;-)

Show-off! **wink**

WOW A .. I didn't realise there was such a gap in age .
Music is hardly the biggest issue , but it does make for happy times if you can share that interest together . I have to use my Ipod to listen to some of my music , but i'm more than happy to listen to everyone else's.
Sitting next to my H to watch Cricket or Footy ... nah , i'll go clean toilets or showers instead


LOL.. i\'m serious ... and I feel like I\'ve got the better deal !

i feel happy for you, though me and my boyfriend are 7 years apart, i'm 14 and he's 21 but i can still manage to be his partner though i'm too young and he's too old for me but i can tell that we fight because of the simple things, but at the end it's still the love that lasts, good for you brother. :)

I\'m afraid that you may be in for a rude shock ! .. love is not that simple .
In the beginning you ignore your differences ... later on they can drive you apart !

what i mean is no matter what arguments you can experience it\'s what you\'re happy about that matters, When you feel like quitting, think about why you started in the first place. :)

Thanks jaazyo! HW - you are sooooo right.

Try not to marry too young, jassyo. It isn't always a good idea to give your all to a man who wants a 14 year old. Maybe he won't mature with age & you will.

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<p>I don't think it's the same with everyone. My parents are 11 years apart and have been married nearly 37 years (happily). Then, couples the same age can't get along. It just depends on the people. Hugs, I know you have it tough.</P>

Thanks Pamela!

My ex hub was 6 years younger than *ahem* showed. I don't think it's universal though. Good luck with that!

Thanks, simply!!! :-)

Interesting - You must love her very much tto allow her to expose you to country music.
Maybe there is a role that the age gap plays in maturity. Perhaps it demands that the person who is older must be patient and gracious and observant of growth.

You know, I have been ultra-patient with her, Jen...

Some people you can't be extra patient with; I can't explain why that is, but with some folks (and I don't say it's mostly women; I don't know if it's mostly age) you just have to be blunt.

Maybe I wasn't talking about your relationship - just commenting on a couple age gap relationships I have been in.

I would have appreciated some grace.

Oh okay - Interesting!

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