Help. Can't Take The Scrutiny Any More (30 year Gap). About To Have A Nervous Break Down.I can't do it any more.
I'm a full grown adult, yes. And very mature for my age. For most of my 20's, I have always had problems relating to people my age. My hobbies, interests, and even style of 'partying' just doesn't match up. I've always enjoyed the company of people at least a few generations over me. It's just how it has always been. And so, this is my second 'age gap relationship'. I'm 28, and Mark is recently turned 60.
I met him when I moved to Colorado from Missouri and moved into a 'room mate' situation. I live on a rather large ranch where many young professionals work and live. I myself am a photographer. There is something about men my age that just fails to attract me. I'm not sure if it's the constant use of "what up bro" or "what's up man", the fakeness and ingenuity during interaction, or the constant need to be 'cool' 'in the loop' and 'hip', but guys my age royally turn me off with their composure. My parents brought me up to have old school vales, and to live my life according to buddhist aspirations. I have compassion for all walks of life and all people. I would never not hang out with some one because they were 'different', for example. Young people are constantly competing to see who's most popular and desirable. They're constantly snapping photos with facebook in the back of their mind, rather than living life with valuable meaning. This is just my opinion.
One huge problem with our age gap is that although I'm 28, I look like I'm 18. I can't help that. I have asianic features, high cheek bones, and am very beautiful (NO I am not tooting my own horn, I am just being honest). I come from an educated background, Mark is a construction worker with a heart of gold, and a beautiful compassionate spirit. I have never met some one so beautiful. We are completely and hopelessly in love.
Right now Mark is in the hospital for cancer. Our story goes back three years ago however. For three years, I have put up with nothing but cruel reactions from the public. I'm writing to vent, and to hopefully hear some replies from women who are dealing with the same treatment as I. I am constantly receiving the cold shoulder, rude comments under people's breaths, and constant meanness from people who just don't understand our relationship. We "look" like an odd couple because of the 30 year age gap. At times, it's comical and it's easy to let such cruel treatment roll off your shoulders because you're happy and you know you're untouchable. But at times, like when your sweetheart is dying of cancer in the hospital, and even the nurses treat you like crap/dirt because they know you're in an age gap relationship that seems to just royally offend them - you go home crying your heart out - spirit broken - no support - no friends.
Our relationship has literally isolated me from quality friends.
Is there any one else out there who deals with constant rudeness from the public? Women in particular? Mark doesn't seem to deal with it at all, as the fact he is 60 grants him automatic respect from people. They would never tell him how they feel about it or even show it in their body language. However when the spotlight is on me, I'm the one who takes the constant cruelty from people.
I am so tired. So tired of the heart ache and my spirit being crushed from not being accepted.
What are you stories? Who can relate to this?
RiverSoul 26-30, F 4 Responses 2 Jan 23, 2013