Post

21 Years

Yes there's 21 years between me and my hubby. Some people have said unkind comments about us in the early days and we often get funny looks from people. All of that's worth it cause I wouldn't be without him, I love my hub so much, he's like the male version of me, only a bit greyer! I feel blessed that I found my soul mate.
RobertaSunset RobertaSunset 36-40, F 20 Responses Nov 17, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

I totally feel the same way with my 25 yr older bf...although we think of each other as married already since we plan on being together forever....we always think of each other as our other half or the other version of ourselves. the problem is his ex wife who already has kids with another man won't sign the divorce papers because she wants to prevent us from getting married :(

I can't start to think why it would matter to anyone. I have found that as the years have gone by the difference between my husbands age and mine has become smaller as we make memories together.

Do you have an age gap? I think it's because I look younger than I am. I still get asked for ID to buy alcohol sometimes lol and people love to make judgements.

A bit of one lol.

very interesting... good to know.

Just out of curiosity, how do you over look the physical flaws. I've seen my dad half naked and it's not a pretty site lol

lol, my husband is better looking than I am, he takes good care of himself and we often work out together so it's not a problem :o)

you just gota remember that if God only looks at the heart, so should we. it's just the right thing to do to not judge the significant other by physical factors but only by personality. it can be difficult at times since it seems they get injuries more easily and heal slower, getting more tired, etc....everything seems to be blamed on their age, but in the end if that person makes u happy and cures u from loneliness that's all that matters. who needs the other people ultimately?

It's beautiful that you have found someone you are so connected with. Be prepared for the fact that there will be starers and haters. But let the starers be starers and the haters be haters. If they say unkind comments, my guess is, they are not happy with some part of their own life. Perhaps show them some kindness? Give them a smile, pull yourself closer to your man to show you are content, and the 'haters' can say nothing more, as they know that you are happy and nothing they say will break your spirit.

Thanks, my husband is the best. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. I am besotted :o)

I a girlfriend that's much younger. The description of you and yours is very similar to ours. She's worried about what others think. Silly I know, not one of them is a part of us. However, many of us put great (misplaced) stock in the opinions of others.

I agree on a part but what if that worry is more about the relationship and whether it's right for her than what others think? I remember being in total confusion in the early days, head in total conflict with heart but I was unable to communicate that to my husband, it was easier to say I was worried about what others were thinking when really that was just the tip of the iceburg. I believe that an age-gap relationship can work just as well as any other but you have to go into it with your eyes open, know the problems you might face and think about how you might handle them together :o)

I think your story is gorgeous and to be honest, I don't think 21 years is 'bad' at all. <br />
I'm just about 18...very mature for my age, though. Yes, I know everyone says that, but in my case, I'm emotionally mature. In fact, I find it easier to get along with adults. <br />
People can judge or not, but I'm absolutely head-over-heels in love with a man who's 58(so, that's a 40 year gap) and no matter what anyone says, if he wants me too(not able to find out yet) I won't hesitate for a moment to be with him. <br />
See the thing is, it's not physical age that's an 'issue'. That's just society's point of view. It's more to do with if you share the same or a similar level of emotional maturity(similar interests help, too) that things work, as it were. You'll be able to understand each other and the younger person in the relationship won't be faced with that typical problem where they're still a 'kid' in many ways and end up driving the older one insane or something. Anyway, I'm very pleased to hear that you are both happy. This is probably said a lot, but pay no attention to what people say about you. The only thing that matters is that you're in love and life is great together. I hope you spend many more wonderful years together!

There are the obvious issues with an age gap and periodically, I do notice them. My Husbands health is causing some problems, he has high blood pressure and takes statins for cholestrol, he also has asthma and it's sad because I am obviously fitter and more active than he is. He worries that by opting out of certain things, he is holding me and our children back, he pushes himself to do them so I see him struggle to do things that I always take for granted. I think that with a forty year age gap these issues are even more pronounced, I worry most that the children are denied an active father so I am continually thinking about how I can make the most of his health so he can get the best out of life. I know it sounds morbid but they are things you do have to think about sooner rather than later when theres an age gap although all said, every struggle is more than worth it, I wouldn't change my Husband for all the tea in China and I seem to love him more and more te longer we are together and the more "issues" that we face together. I wish you happiness however things work out for you :o)

I'm sorry to hear about that. It doesn't seem like too much of a big deal, though...I know that if the guy I'm talking about had similar issues...or worse, I'd stay by his side. So, I can relate. I don't want someone younger, or someone more active or anything like that. I've thought a lot about what I'd be getting myself into, so I'm prepared for the worst...I know there's a chance he could pass away when I only just turn 40...if I'm lucky, but I still only want him. Those 20 years will be amaing if I'm able to spend them with him. I've never felt so in love with someone and I have been in love quite a few times. Actual love, not what teenagers call love after a week of knowing each other. Anyway, he's very healthy and doesn't smoke etc...so not likely to get too many problems, but if he does, I stand by what I said. I'll be there for him. Thank you for your kinds words, by the way. ^ ^

*Amazing

You're welcome, thanks for you comments :o)

You're welcome. =)

ya and I knew a dominican couple with a 40 yrs age gap as well which has lasted all this time....amazing

3 More Responses

I would find it hard to obedient to a man who was my age let alone accept punishment from him.

We are all different, I thrive on this sort of relationship and I am very grateful for his discipline :o)

My wife Iris is 21 years and some months my senior. I am 63. She is 85. Five December shall be our 20th anniversary. The marriage was more fun in the past because she was a live wire and would go places and do things and take me places too. I think that the biggest turning point for the worse was when she needed to discontinue hormone replacement therapy. <br />
<br />
Now she has a very low energy level and is suffering from Alzheimers or some other condition like unto it. She depends more and more on me and on others.<br />
<br />
Still I have no regrets. If she passes before I do, I shall then need to find another purpose in life.

The happiness you shared in the past was worth the challenges you face today.

Hi Robbo21,<br />
I have always believed that life is there to live only once. If you are happy with your hubby and vice versa then there's nothing wrong in it. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. What people look at when judging age gap relationships is what the general norm is, where you dont find huge age gaps. These norms are there for a reason and quite a few of them as well.<br />
<br />
However what is over-riding to all these is unconditional love for each other. If that love is there between 2 people then there is nothing wrong in getting togather.<br />
<br />
However when you start a family (assuming you will), your children will have a father who is a lot older than the parents of peers. You and your hubby will need to put in a lot of time with the kids. When your child is say 16yrs the father will be about 65+, both of you need to be concious about this sort of things and have a plan to handle them.<br />
<br />
Best wishes for the future.

Thankyou for your comment. My Husband and I have been married for nearly six years now. We assume that one of us is infertile because after five years of trying, no baby. We have adopted two of our foster children not because we needed a baby but because we fell in love with them. so it seems that everything happens for a reason. They are not second best and are wonderful kids who really complete what we have together. I really feel blessed to have such love in my life, I know many people are not that lucky. I know there are sacrafices to make, especially as my Husband gets older but it is all worth it when i see how happy our little family is.

What a beautiful story! Would you mind sharing how old you were when you two found each other? I fell in love with a man 25 years older than I when I was eighteen. I will be twenty in August and still feel the same way, but some people are not very accepting of our age difference and think I am too young to know what love is. Warm wishes to you and your family!

Hi everyone<br />
<br />
I'm a British journalist looking for an age-gap couple for a Valentine's Day relationship feature for a quality Sunday supplement. I'd really love to hear from you if you're in a couple where the woman is at least 20 years older than her partner. It's a positive piece on loved-up couples!<br />
<br />
If that's you or or you'd like more details, please email me direct at helen.gent@tiscali.co.uk<br />
<br />
Thanks all. :)

Hi Rachel. Thanks for your interest but we are no longer experiencing any opposition from friends or family and although you still get the occasional double take from members of the public, it doesn't effect us at all.

Hi Robbo21 and ZekeB,<br />
<br />
My name is Rachel and I work in development at a top LA production company. We are currently looking for people in age gap relationships who, like yourselves, are meeting opposition from the public, friends and family. We would love to hear your stories in further depth if you are interested or anyone else in this group. I can be reached at unconventionalcasting@gmail.com. Thank you for your time!<br />
<br />
Best,<br />
Rachel

Hi robbo21. I wonder if you could follow up on how your relationship has developed. I'm nearly two years into a relationship with a woman who is almost 21 years younger than I am, and now she wants to marry. I can't seem to quiet my doubts that (a) our age difference will be a heavy burden for years to come, limiting our social circle severely and (b) that at age 23 she's not realistic about what it will mean for her and for us. I'm particularly troubled by how our age difference limits us socially. There are few friends of ours who seem capable of accepting us both for who we are, and relating to us. My friends treat her like a kid, and hers treat me like an uncle. Have you had that experience? What challenges have you two faced, and how have you got past them?

Personally, I believe that if it is meant to be, it will happen so no sense trying to force an issue is it is not right. Are you really sure she is physically attracted to you too? She may not be interested "in that way" and only want friendship but not want to hurt your feelings by being blunt. Just a thought but just cause you have lots in common doesn't mean you will be compatible on every level. Good luck x

Hi every one I have met a woman whom i have fallen in love with and she knows it but will not let a relationship happen. I am 62 and I look about 48 she is 42 and looks maybe late 20's early 30's. She already has her own group of friends but when we talk we have so much in common <br />
it is really scary. Is she wright in not wanting to let it happen?<br />
<br />
I am very glad that you are happy together. LOVE Samantha

Age is not important, what is is that you gel together and live to love and support each other.

I never been with an olderrrrrr person, i mean only 10 years difference one time and I think is kind of sexy to be with a older man, to seduce him and to make him moan while do in it, and he has greys even sexier, i think an older man appreciates more when it comes to you know what.<br />
So why not? live your life don't pay attention to what people think as longest you are happy that is what matters.

I feel very blessed and thank God for letting me find him.

nice story. glad you are happy!