Less Than One Year Of Marriage...

We have been together since we were 18, married now for less than one year. Sex never seems to happen unless it is a weekend and he is drunk. We often go 3-4 weeks without having sex. It was like this before we got married, and when we do have sex it is once a month at best. Even when he does want to have sex I feel too hideous to even consider it. I should have known what was coming but it's so hard. I can't help but feel rejected and ugly constantly. I just don't know what to do.... We connect on so many other levels. I know a boyfriend is not an option, but I cannot stand feeling so fat, ugly and rejected.
someoneyouusedtoknow someoneyouusedtoknow
22-25, F
6 Responses May 7, 2012

Leave before you waste your youth on it....

i understand your issues i have been with my husband for 5 years and married for almost 2yrs. prior to getting married we did a lot of stuff,went out to dinner,clubs and would have sex 4 or 5 times a week and it was amazing.he would pleasure me to no end.Then.. but now we sleep in the same bed but he has his back to me, he is always saying he is stressed from work,money,bills, kids.I stress over the same things but I need the love you used to give..what it took to get me it takes to keep me..Im tired of talking about it to him he acts like it dont mean shi. to him..nothing has changed but sex..i feel so rejected,fat and ugly myself...yes i have gained a few pounds due to some female issues,but i am still ur wife..and i still need him..

What is making you feel hideous and ugly? Is it that you think the reason he does not want to have sex with you is because he finds you unattractive?<br />
Unfortunately, you don't control him or his feelings/urges. But you do control yourself. Start by working on yourself. Do little things for yourself like going to the gym, eating healthy, getting your nails done...so you feel better about yourself. <br />
Have you guys considered therapy? Does he pleasure you in other ways than actual sex? <br />
I'm sorry you have to feel like this. Thank you for sharing. Good luck.

I had the same issue in reverse – many years ago now. Good you are trying to sort it out early.<br />
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I do key on the feeling fat – I do not want to sound like some kind of idiot but I think gaining weight (and general demonstrating you tend to like to look your best) is really a critical viscous circle in some of these cases. Makes sense right? – you feel rejected so you stop combing your hair and eat ice cream– you feel ugly so you lose hope. If you are not taking care of you-- you should, and for all the right reasons.<br />
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On the other side he is full of crud – you know this. A man his age can get turned on by a piece of moldy cardboard after being awake for 96 hours. As long as it is on his terms – I hate to say it, but men, young men particularly, are fragile creatures.<br />
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So could it be you have intimidated him sexually? Kind of his version of “feeling ugly” – not able to keep up. And that feeling has all sorts of diminishing returns – no pun intended.<br />
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Finally if he is really at zero you may have to face that he has slipped away and you will be in for a fight to get him back. Not easy, maybe not worth it – only you know. I really doubt you will ever get better than 3 times a week. If you think "I'll get used to it" - you may be wrong, I was.

Need a serious heart to heart, counseling too might help. He could have burnout too, if he is working to hard. The LAST thing you should do is self criticize! Did he say you were fat, or ugly? I understand the rejected part, because any partner male or female feels that way when things are not right. BUT communication is the only thing that will fix it. Does HE know that you feel this way? That by saying he is tired or pushes you away, upsets you and adds to your negative talk in your head. You are NOT alone. Have a talk, make a date night. Try to find a night when you can go out, or stay in but only for the two of you. No friends. This will help to reconnect. And seriously think about the counseling thing, some insurances will cover couples therapy. This is not a big deal, but letting it go on and on with your feeling the way you do is not good for your self esteem and confidence. HANG in there and THINK positive!

We have been together for almost 7 years, and we used to have sex atleast 3-4 times a week. That for me was less than I wanted, but I was happy with that number. I've been rejected so many times I don't even bother trying. I doubt he is gay, and I am sure it's not an affair. He says it's because of stress at work, and he does have a physically demanding job.

It seems to be a lack of communication that is putting pressure upon you.

Have you tried 'touching him up' when yu are in bed together, even sitting on the settee...

If you have the TV, or a video playing [try a saucy one, or even a bit of ****], try stroking his **** while you watch together...

If nothing materialises, and he stays limp, keep your hand on his **** [through his trousers], and try a bring 'The Little Soldier' to life....

He may just be under pressure at work ?At least, you should ask him why he isnt so romantic anymore?

If the worst happens, console yourself with the knowledge that there are more than 10 million guys out there, who would love a chance of 'A Bit Of Fresh'...

Good Luck

PS What location are you in, approx ??