25, Alone And Married.I’ve been perusing these support forums all over the web for the past few months. Looking for answers, looking for advice, trying to make sure it wasn’t just me out there experiencing this. Needless to say, I’m hardly alone, though it certainly feels that way.
I’m actually a newlywed, so this is even more perplexing for me. I met my husband almost three years ago, and the last year of our relationship has been full of changes (getting married, getting pregnant, abolishing sex).
I’ve spent the last year trying to talk to him about our sex life, it hasn’t helped…so maybe it’s time I start talking to someone else.
First off, let me say, I have an incredibly high sex drive. I could very easily have sex more than seven times a week. I do NOT expect my husband to be on the same page with that, many people aren’t. However, my husband is perfectly fine and content to have sex on average about 2-4 times a month.
So, no, I guess my marriage isn’t sexless…but it is damn sure close. I’ve perfected the art of ************, but no one can perfect the emotions that come along with it. Sure, I can bring myself pleasure multiple times a day rather quickly, but I can’t stop the torrent of emotions that follow a majority of the self-mack sessions. I’m sure many of you understand; it’s like you feel intense relief followed by the most profound solitude you could possibly imagine.
Anyway, I’m not terribly sure how we got to this place. I don’t understand what happened. Nearly every other aspect of our relationship is satisfactory. We cuddle every day; we take care of one another. We just don’t have sex or make love.
When we first met, our sex life was phenomenal. It was adventurous and fun. Then, we spent a year apart while he was deployed. During his deployment, on R&R I noticed how “vanilla” our sex life became. When I tried to talk to him about having more adventurous sex he became angry with me. He spit words at me like, “I’m sorry I’m not as much as a freak as you are” and so on and so on. We made up, obviously, and he went back to the desert. I didn’t understand, because we maintained a physical relationship via webcam that was extremely adventurous. Anyway, after the deployment was over and he was finally back for good…everything became different.
The sex was waning right from the get go, and I had traveled 4000 miles at his request to live with him. I was devastated. Then he proposed, and this temporarily blinded me to the issue. Eventually, we started discussing/arguing about the sex at least once a month. Of course, as one might expect, this only made the issue worse. I was constantly, somewhat pathetically, throwing myself at him. After being shot down so many times, I stopped trying to seduce him. This bothered him to no end.
I discovered he had been flirting with other women, to a point that is offensive and dishonest. This caused a very large break in our relationship, and a lot of trust was lost. However, making up from this issue temporarily hosted a desirable increase in our love-making! So, I was in heaven again, feeling like he wanted me.
After six months of this nonsense, we got married. There was no sex on our wedding night. Surprise, surprise. We wanted to start a family, and he really seemed to be working on it. I am so desperately in love with him, I thought making it better for ONE week was real work. We married in December, and after two attempts, became pregnant with our son in Feb. I’m six months pregnant now, and for the past six months there has been no saving our sex life.
I’m more hormonal now (even more horny), so it hurts twice as much. I’ve stopped turning to him, my cries are met with anger and my pain is ignored. He becomes so defensive that he doesn’t see the pain I’m really going through. I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life. Sometimes, I still make a very weak attempt to seduce him, such as running my hands across his privates, but he always bats my hand away. I don’t know how much longer I’m supposed to hold on to someone who doesn’t try to fix this kind of brokenness.
The truth is, I’m still desperately in love with my husband, and there are SO MANY redeeming attributes which have kept me here beside him this long. I’m breaking inside though, and I’m not sure how long those other great qualities can save us. I have sex dreams almost every night, and I take care of myself everyday…it’s so lonely. I fantasize about cheating on him, and then feel super guilty for it. I just need help. I need to know how I keep the man I love, and I get the sex life I want.