I Am In An Almost Sexless Marriage

Invitations And Acceptance

By: LostInTheWoulds

Written on February 13th, 2013

Last night, my wife and I were enjoying a quiet evening in. My wife was sitting in her chair doing a crossword puzzle, one of her favorite things to do. It got late, and I decided I needed to go to bed so I could get up in the morning. As I got up to go upstairs, I kissed her and said "you are invited to come up to bed with me and have your naked body caressed and admired." She smiled and said "that sounds nice" ... but didn't move. I went upstairs, got ready for bed, and then climbed into bed, alone. I don't know when she eventually did come to bed, but it was after I fell asleep.

Naked cuddling isn't as high on her list as a crossword puzzle, I knew this, but decided I would at least try. Sometimes I wonder why I still do try when the answer is almost always the same.

update 02/16
I issued another invitation last night. She said that she was sorry she hasn't been very sexual, but she had a stomach ache, so was not up to it.
This morning she made me coffee and breakfast (normally, I make both for her) and told me she loved me.
Its so hard to get mad at her when she is so nice to me, but damn, im so sexually frustrated

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By: LostInTheWoulds

Age: 46-50 , Male

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25 responses

crazyn3030

Why don't you just tell her. Look this lack of sex is ******* me off. Just tell her in those exact words.

Apr 5
1 like
Caramelicious

My heart aches for you because sexual and the intimacy of it is required for living as much as the air that we breathe. I pray that she will want to reconnect with that part in herself and share it with you. You are a beautiful soul and deserve to have your wife desire you the same way you desire for her.

Mar 4
1 like
- LostInTheWoulds
  HUGS!! Thank you C ... you brightened my day :)
  
  Mar 4
  1 like
- Caramelicious
  You are most welcome my beautiful friend
  
  Mar 4
  1 like
jb02157

"She said that she was sorry she hasn't been very sexual, but she had a stomach ache, so was not up to it."
99% of the time, that's a bullshi*t story. Women use that excuse all the time. Truth is she doesn't want to have sex. This will grow to never wanting sex. I would pursue this with her and make her commit to a time when you will.

Mar 4
1 like
- LostInTheWoulds
  yeah, that is kind how I read the situation too. Thanks for your comment
  
  Mar 4
  1 like
- jb02157
  Your situation sounds so identical to what I went through and I don't want you to be in the situation I am now. I would urge you to assess your situation and try to talk it through with your wife...that is if she's willing to answer your questions honestly. This is how sexless marriage starts and I really don't want you to be in one if you can avoid it.
  
  Mar 5
  1 like
RickiSchnucki

You should stop trying. I did and feel better now. No expectation, no frustration.

Feb 16
3 likes
loritadita

I think that your invitation sounds very romantic and I would love for my hub to say that to me. I am always ready to be sensual (ok, almost always) and to me getting that kind of offer sounds heavenly. At the moment we (my hub and I) are trying to find time and space to actually be physical together in our crowded house with little privacy...but one must CREATE the time and so we will..Ibelieve it will happen sooner rather than later.
Anyway, good for you for doing your best...don't give up!

Feb 14
2 likes
experienceman11

Do you romance her and make her feel beautiful, and show her you desire her? Or do you just invite her to join you? Most times you have to give HER something to desire you for. Buy her some x-rated crosswords you can do together!

Feb 13
2 likes
dayandnight33

Wonder!!! "I wonder why I still do try when the answer is almost always the same".. You are right, absolutely right ... but the women's world is so so complicated that even me I am a woman I haven't completely understood it yet.... is that "crazy"???

Feb 13
1 like
- LostInTheWoulds
  No, its not crazy. It would only be crazy if someone were to actually figure it out, but since nobody has, its not crazy at all. :)
  
  Feb 13
  1 like
LostInTheWoulds

A little background ... we had a quickie that morning ... and we normally only have sex once a month ... so perhaps she was satisfied and all done with sex for another month? I really dont understand that line of thinking though .... having a quickie just makes me want more sex, not less.

Feb 13
1 like
- RickiSchnucki
  You lucky man! Sex once a month! I can't remember the last time I had sex but it was before Christmas. A quickie of course...
  
  Feb 16
  1 like
- Oso41412
  Sorry to hear that.....
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- LostInTheWoulds
  Thank you .... it is what it is, and she is the way she is, and I can't change her.
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- Oso41412
  Doesn't seem very fair to you....
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- LostInTheWoulds
  it certainly feels that way ...
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- Oso41412
  Because it isn't.....sounds like your wife has forgotten how enjoyable sex can be....she's stuck in a rut or she has some kind of hormonal imbalance. Have you ever asked her about counseling? Does she think her lack of sex drive is normal, because its not. I'm guessing that I'm close to your age and for women when they enter their 40's they become more sexual...at least that's how it is for everyone I know..
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- LostInTheWoulds
  For her the problem is largely hormonal, but she also has severe allergies that affect her sense of well being too. The problem for us is that her sex drive is all hormonal, and mine is primarily intellectual. I have an intellectual need for sex that transcends how I feel physically, because for me sex and intellectual intimacy are intertwined. For her, intellectual intimacy and sex are separate, and she is only interested in sex if her hormones are just right. I am pretty sure she knows this, but she has no desire to change. So, no its not fair to me, but it wouldnt be fair to her for me to force the issue enough to make it fair for me.
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- Oso41412
  So if she knows it's hormonal, doesn't she want to try and do something to help it? I'm mean, she remembers that it's fun, right? Does she remember just how good it can feel......not to mention afterwards too.....falling asleep in each other's arms.....
  
  Feb 21
  1 like
- GreenMountain1
  Wow LostinTheWoulds I want to reach the same state of mind you have found, trying but it is hard. "...it wouldnt be fair to her for me to force the issue enough to make it fair for me. My wife tells me she is trying to find her inner peace, not sure why one would impose a sexless marriage when trying to find inner peace, but hey, I am along for the ride.
  
  Feb 24
  1 like
6 More Replies
Mrperfectstranger

stop stealing my stories...hahaha LOL you've described similar scenarios thats all.

Feb 13
1 like
wildguy08

please dont give up on it.
keeping trying. do tallk to her and find if the spark between hasnt gone missing?

Feb 13
1 like
soulrunher

Aww, sorry. That hurts. Its great you made the effort. She is lucky to have such a man. Hugs

Feb 13
1 like

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