Well, my wife and I had sex recently, but it's gotten so infrequent, and I think she's pulling away from me. It's as if all the passion has been slowly draining away, and she used to be so passionate; I don't understand how she can go from one extreme to the other. It seems to me that her idea of "growing up" and "being a responsible adult" is a kind of laconic stoicism that might be cool in a movie but is mostly bloodless to my eyes. We met and married young and have grown up together in a lot of ways; we've come through all those difficult times and now we're living somewhat near where she grew up but nowhere near my hometown, friends, or family.


I suspect that many of you on this board are concerned about the sex, and I am too; however, I'm more worried about what this lack of intimacy means to us as a couple, especially since I would be stranded here if we broke up. She finally opened up to me and told me what was bothering her and we have what might be called a "plan" to stay together, but I'm not sure of her commitment. I do still love her, but I definitely feel differently about her now; ironically, I think she feels much better after our "talk" because she was able to get her feelings off her chest, and understandably so. While this is great for her, it left me angry with her and questioning why she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me or show any physical or emotional affection towards me. I despise second guessing anyone's words or intentions, especially hers; however, I find myself wondering what's "really" going on when she flits off to visit friends or family for days at a time. I do not suspect her of infidelity - I'm simply concerned that we're leading separate lives.


I'd like to know if anyone else here has experienced anything similar and if/how they got through it.

Grappling Grappling
3 Responses Feb 22, 2009

Going through the same thing now. Seems like she's planning her exit strategy. I would ask her what she meant by those remarks.

@Smokeseek, although more than a year later, i thought that what you posted is so raw and profound... It's ultimately the truth of what i feel too about my sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is one of the hardest experiences in life, and to get out of it requires making tough choices like, spending more time on mending it, but what if she is asexual..? my husband is that way and i feel that while counseling might... i am not sure what we would be counseling him for, he just doesn't connect sexually with people....! <br />
Hope you sorted out your relationship, it's hard feeling alone in your heart and mind while trying to keep a marriage afloat with someone ...

My wife's and I intimacy left long before the sex dried up well over a year ago. This is a danger side. You need to talk with her continually and get some counseling. I would kill for some emotionally intimacy with anyone, sex on top of that would be icing on the cake.