Somebody Please Tell Me?

if somebody can just tell me why i have to feel this way...
if only that somebody can explain why i miss you too much, you dont even care
im a loser living with 'if only's'
i have enumerated the traits that do not make you an ideal
but youre still in my thoughts
a lover can't help neither, i think
coz whenever i sink myself deep in my lover's attention
you still bother me in my thoughts
i get mad at you so many times
for showing up in my dreams
in my thoughts
you dont even deserve this feelings i have for you
you dont deserve my attention

back to the future:
you made me feel very special at one time
gave me attention
gave me time
made me laugh
made me happy

then one day you dropped me off
like a bomb
you popped away like a bubble

time passed
i decided to ease myself (alone)
(friends are enemies)

decided to fade away
not to think about you
not to feel something for you

but i still think about you
i feel so emotionally battered...

i hope i haven't met you ever!
how i wish i have never known you!

my heart is breaking

please please, God of heavens, help me!