I Guess I'll Share Mine Too

I'm in a relationship with a black man. I am Asian and I come from very traditional family. It's been hard for me to share my troubles with people, because I feel like they just wont get it. I feel like I am always judged. It's hard.

My relationship with my parents has suffered. This is the most painful part of my struggle. Part of me doubts whether my parents love me unconditionally. This relationship is the test of that question. It's been almost two years since I "came out" to my parents. It was hard, but it was necessary and freeing. Since then, I've learned to see myself through my own eyes, not through theirs. Judging myself and living in fear was probably the most damaging part of their rejection.

There isn't a day I don't wish both of my parents would love me unconditionally. The whole me. As much as I want those perfect parents, I just have to trust that their love will be revealed to me in its own special way, in its own time.

In the meantime, I try to focus on how beautiful our relationship is and how blessed I am.
Octarine Octarine
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 14, 2012

I'm Chinese and my parents are all kinds of racist, classist, etc. They've NEVER loved me unconditionally - EVER - and I've long accepted that's the Asian way. I went to the best Ivy League college in the world and yet I'm their biggest failure because I'm in the arts rather than i-banking or law or any kind of real job. And now I'm dating a Hispanic guy. I'm 32 and I still get the lectures and disapproval and it STILL hurts but I've long accepted this (and went through years of therapy and self work :P)

Looks like you went thru some deep soul-searching ym22. I really hear you. Yes it hurts. I've always had this deep fear that my parents dont love me unconditionally. At the same time, even deeper down, I truly believe that when you cut thru all the bullsh*t, the love is really there. Cutting thru all that BS is hard. I think their tough love is a reflection of their struggle with society's eye judging them. Them not knowing how to get over that is definitely making it hard for me to, as well. I always wish they were better role models for me to learn how to embrace my individuality.

Thanks for sharing. You should be proud of breaking out of your mold and carving your own path.

Thanks calilouie. It's hard but it's the only thing I can do at this point.

Stay strong and follow your heart. Once your parents realize its the real thing and see what a wonderfully relationship you have they'll come around.