Never Seem to Fit In Either Side

My mother is black and my father is white. I have never been in a love relationship with a black guy...I lived most of my life in mostly white neighborhoo .so white boys are all I dated. Im considered "exotic" looking and so never had trouble finding boyfriends.. but I hated the way my mother and father wouldnt allow me to have a black boyfriend of many black friends at all for that matter. It really hurt to think my parents loved each other but seemed to hate black men. I have fought with my parents over this issue. ANYWAY... my newest white boyfriend and i have been together for about 8 months now and he seems to possessive of me. especially if I want to go to rap concerts or any where there are black people like clubbing. He denies is IF I mention it to him. I know he really likes me but im beginning to see a younger version of my white dad in him and it stinks.. He is very judgemental when it comes to race issues and always tells me I act to "militant" at times when I voice opposing opinions. He is also very demanding in bed at times and its almost like im his "brown sugar" fantasy girl. of which he denies of course. I do like him though and most times we get along fine. but Im begining to think maybe we need time away so I can get my head together on issues of race.
mocha21 mocha21
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 6, 2007

Well this sounds more like he is in love with the idea of you instead of who you are. If you think this then you are probably right to think this. He may not love you for who you are just outside appearances. take a break and date others and it will all come out in the wash.

I think you should try and talk to him and see if you can see it from his perpective (you don't have to agree with hisperpective, but it will help you understand why he acts the way he does). I'm a white european immigrant married to an african american woman, and we have gone through periods of misunderstanding each other because of our cultural differences. His possessive behaviour could be because he knows you have never dated black men and is scared you might be curious, for example. Find out what about the situation makes him possessive, and then you have a better understanding of him and of your relationship. In bed, he may be trying to show that he is a man, who is strong and can protect you and be masculine, etc, and is just going about it in the wrong way. If he is attracted to your color, congratulations - your man thinks you're sexy. He can probably give you a big list of other things he likes about you just as much as your skin tone. Like someone else on this site says, finding dark skin attractive is no different to finding red hair, blue eyes, or tattoos or anything else attractive. It's just a question of who you fancy:) If he's using language or doing things you're uncomfortable with, talk to him about it, and suggest alternative ways of getting you in the mood. <br />
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The race thing shouldn't be a good enough reason in itself for you to split up - what's far more important is who you both are on the inside, how you feel about each other, and how you relate to each other. If that stuff isn't working, then a break could be in order, but try to communicate and understand each other before you resort to drastic measures.

I think you should take the time away from him to sort out your issues on race. During your time apart, try to see if having a taboo in the relationship is worth it. Best of luck!