In An Open Relationship But Afraid

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Before him, I dated several guys and had two long term relationships. He, however, barely dated. In fact, I basically took his virginity when we got together. Now, we love each other a great deal but he wants to expand our relationship. He wants to do so because he wants the experience of having sex with various other women. He wants to solely on a physical endeavor. When we first got together, in fact, he was told me he would eventually want to get with other girls. He believes it will prevent problems in the future if he gets it out of his system. He doesn't see it as a permanent relationship status, just a phase- him wanting to get it out of his system. I can understand to an extent. I'm the only girl he's ever been with, and I don't want him stuck wondering what it'd feel like to have sex with another girl say five years from now. I have trouble with this simply because I am afraid of getting hurt or an STD. Our relationship is incredibly strong and I know he loves me. We are even suppose to get a house in the next two months. He says that when he looks at me, he sees me...when he looks at other girls, he just sees a body. He just wants a taste of the other bodies to know what it's like. He assures me constantly that he loves me and has even differentiated between cheating and being open. He explains it like this, if he were taking a girl out and talking to her and dating her that would be cheating...but if he's just up front with her about the relationship we are in and only has sex with her and that's it then that's being open. He assures me he won't cheat on me. He says if he ever feels like a girl is trying to be more than just physical, he'll straight up cut her off and stop talking to her. He says this to reassure me: "We are the relationship. You and me. Anyone else is just whatever." I am also allowed to sleep with other men but he says he doesn't want to hear about it if I do cuz he wouldn't handle the idea of it very well. I think our relationship is going to work out. I trust him and I know how much he cares about me. We've also had this status of open relationship for 6 months now and he's yet to actually act on it. When I asked him about it, he said it's not like he's out there trying to get with girls- just if it happens, it happens. He also makes a point of consistently reassuring me that he loves me and this is merely a physical desire that he'd like to expunge.This makes me feel a little better. I'm still struggling slightly with the entire concept and the fear, but it is only because I have been hurt so badly in the past by another guy. If I hadn't had my heart torn up, shredded, spit on, burned, and thrown away like a piece of garbage following a two year relationship then I probably wouldn't have so much fear. I just never want to be hurt like that again... and I know my current love would never hurt me like that. I KNOW that...but I still can't conquer this embedded fear.
tMarii tMarii
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 24, 2012

I going through the exactly the same thing right now I'm the only girl my boyfriend has ever been with and we are both going to college soon and we both want to experience other people just sex nothing more I been talking to him telling I don't want to be hurt and we go by the same rules like if there is ever a threat we stop the whole connection because we just want each other this is only for that sexual need that is just natural to the human brain. I do talk to him about when I want to stop it stop and same goes for him like when it come to marriage I'm not sure I'm up for but that's later on in the future. I'm a jealous type not when it comes to sex but anything else like talking flirting ( in the sense of trying to make a bigger connection) I don't like that I concerned that cheating. I've also been hurt with past relationships and I was left for another person and that my biggest fear when it comes to this open relationship so far nothing has happen for both parties and I'm happy we talk more and I feel like we can actually have a conversation with out biting each other's heads off weird but when I do talk to my friends about some are understanding and some just plain out same I'm done it's never going to work he's cheating on you.. But I'm glad you have shared your story it help me out and feel a lot more confident about it and I would hope you would respond and have an update on how your relationship is going :) Thanks !

I guess I just wanted to know of anyone else's opinions on this if you please