Confused

Having been feeling the urge to have casual sex with other guys and girls a lot lately my boyfriend of 7 years and I decided to have an open relationship. We have played together many times in the past and have always had fun but I really missed the thrill of the chase, the intense passion of something new and experiencing the unknown.

We (he) decided that we should set some ground rules to ensure that nobody gets hurt so I agreed and the rules were born. Mainly common sense stuff like: Always use protection, no friends, be honest about where you're going, don't bring anybody home, No strings etc.

So, here we are, excited about our new freedom and the trust that we have for each other. Immediately I was introduced to somebody through a friend and we instantly hit it off. For the first 4 days we communicated by text and calls and the chemistry was out of this world. We met up after just 5 days and had the most amazing sex I have ever had in my life, we couldn't keep our hands off each other and when he held me in his arms while we caught our breath we both felt like we had known each other for years. With him all of my inhibitions melted away and I found myself doing things that I'm normally too shy to do. I have never been able to be so open with anybody in all my life and am thoroughly enjoying it. It was very hard to pull myself away but I went home to my bf at midnight.

A little under a week later we met up again, this time I was spending the night. We went for dinner and ended up in some really deep conversations, we were telling each other things that we don't usually discuss with anybody other than our closest friends. Even though this is just supposed to be no strings sex the connection we have is so strong it was just easy to open up to each other. We then went back to his place and literally didn't sleep all night. I left in the morning to go to work with the brightest 'glow'.

We talk everyday and our text messages, whilst still filthy and hotter than hell have also taken on a much more caring, loving tone.



Now I have a problem...I love my bf dearly and we have been through a lot together over the years but I have gone off intimacy with him. I really didn't think this would happen but it has.



A couple of months ago, while he was in another state I had a brief fling with a coworker. The build up was amazing but when it came to the action he was a total let-down. The next time I made love with my bf it felt amazing and I realized that I already have a very good thing. The problem I have now is that what I'm getting outside of the relationship is so good that I no longer feel the desire to get intimate with him. The other problem is that I feel so 'connected' with this other person.



I really don't know what to do now. If I stop seeing the other person I'm going to be miserable because I know what I'm missing out on and most likely still un interested. I could just carry on and when the passion starts to fizzle out I can move on and find another **** buddy. The problem is, I'm afraid there is a chance I could fall inlove with this guy.

What to do now...?

 

HotLikeFyah HotLikeFyah
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2010

you might feel as though you are falling passionately in love with the new "boy toy" but, really maybe your not. Yes you shared things about your life but, sometimes you need others that you feel are trust worthy to share intimate secrets with. Yes you do feel awesome during sex and your entire body throbs with want when ever he calls,texts or you just hang out. Im sure you can't wait to hear from him or see him again too. But, you mentioned in your OP that you liked the thrill of the chase. These feelings can come with just that..The thrill of it being so new and unexplored. I feel this every time I get around a guy that I am sexually attracted to. I tend to make what I call "mini relationships" with my playmates. I connect to them emotionally and physically but, I still come home to my man. Although we dont connect sexually a whole lot which is why we chose to have an open marriage. We are much more sexually satisfied when outside our marriage then we were in our marriage. I wish you luck in your decisions. I hope it all works out.

I see this again and again in posts on open relationships. Somehow, keeping the outside sex in a little fence is not so easy. Even if you manage to follow behavioral rules, that doesn't mean your heart won't expand outside the rules. I think you should have compassion for yourself about what happened--it is a common unintended consequence of opening up a relationship. And I agree with Gary above, you need to move forward with integrity and compassion for your partner.

You have broken the ground rules that were established by you and your boyfriend to ensure that you (or he) would not wind up in this position. You are not enjoying an open relationship at this point. You are cheating. (as you have broken the rules of trust)<br />
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With that said, go with your heart . . but be honest with your boyfriend. The two of you trusted each other enough to provide this gift to each other. Now you are enjoying something really great and new. There are no gaurantees that the new man will trust you the same way; love you as much in the year 2017 (seven years from now). But maybe . . . perhaps you really want to be single? <br />
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. . . or you should respect the rules of trust . . . or get on with the new man. You cannot be in all three places. <br />
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More than anything . . . you get one shot at life . . enjoy it!<br />
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Gary