I Need Guidance

Good luck! And if you need an ear again sometime feel free to message me.

You're right, you are meant to learn something from this. You will emerge from this difficult situation, look back on it, and be glad you went through it so you could become stronger and figure some things out about yourself. After all, it's the challenges in life that help us explore our souls.



I know the feeling of turning to a friend to ask for advice - or just because you need to talk aloud to feel listened to or figure things out - and they become irritated because you've 'gone over this again and again, gosh-darn-it!' even though if it's a complicated issue obviously you're going to want to talk about it more than once. My suggestion (and this won't work for every personality) is to write in a journal. Or even on a loose-leaf paper. Or if typing feels more natural than handwriting, type (it's much faster anyway). Whichever it is, journal to yourself about your problems and it will help you organize your thoughts. Whenever I journal about my problems I realize things/perspectives I hadn't before - as though a different part of my brain is now in gear.



To me it seems obvious that you care about this guy (even as you question your love) but you can't be happy in a relationship where your partner is angry/yelling all the time. As an outsider to your problem, I can tell you that kind of relationship isn't healthy, if it's fostering an atmosphere that you have to walk on eggshells and can't be yourself for fear of upsetting him! I'm sure there's more to your relationship than that. But whatever else, it seems clear that you want out.



Well, now is the time to do it. You can't very well break up with him AFTER he has moved with you all the way out of state for your sake! You'll have to do it before. Is this the man you want to be with for the rest of your life? To get married to and have kids with (or whatever future you imagine yourself in), and to grow old with? No. I can tell by your story that you want more. So now is the time to do it, BEFORE you have to move away - otherwise you'll be doing him a disservice as well, since him and all his stuff will be away from his familiar environment and he'll be completely alone without you if you break up later.



I consider the possibility of what you're supposed to learn from this situation is this: how to break up with someone you care about, with kindness. And to practice standing up for yourself, since I can guess right now that he's going to try his damnedest to talk you out of it. He'll get angry, emotional, he'll cry, and you're going to feel selfish and terrible, but you have to look after your own well-being. You CANNOT self-sacrifice your happiness for another human being even if you're feeling guilty and selfishness is unnatural to you.



Don't do it all at once though. Gradually let him get the idea that you're going alone, by distancing yourself a tiny bit by bit, so that he doesn't have to go "cold-turkey" from love-withdrawal. And when you do break up with him, no matter what, even if he's mean/unreasonable, treat him with great kindness and keep your dignity, or else you'll feel bad about yourself for a long while.