Drowning In Debt.I feel helpless and unable to pick myself up from this terrible place I'm at. I never thought I'd end up here because I always imagined better for myself. I try to analyze my situation over and over again, talking about it doesn't help, it only gives me anxiety attacks and I run in circles. My current situation is awful and embarrassing and I don't know how else to describe but as that. I'm turning 26 this Friday and I realized how much I haven't accomplished with my life, and how much I've failed at. When I was 19-20, I was the happiest because I finally overcame depression after six years, and I was doing well emotionally and financially. I was given an opportunity to become a nanny which was by far the worst decision I've ever made. It wasn't being the nanny, it was the low pay and abuse that I took. Anyway, during that time, I got an apartment with a roommate who was there part time. My boss and my Nanny job wouldn't pay me on time and then I had to use my credit cards to pay bills. Well, it wasn't so bad until I lost my job, that I wasn't at fault for whatsoever. I was out of work for near a month and had tons of bills to pay and the next job I got paid me even lower. I couldn't afford everything, charging was the only way to pay. It was robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I also had to get another car because my leased vehicle was over the miles because of how much driving I did for the family. There were a few other things that I had to deal with as well that caused my financial strain. Because of this, I had to move back home which was something I did not want to do. (I was about 23 or so when this happened).
I was in school and racked up loans, too. So: I have a car with negative equity, credit cards and student loans (other little bills as well). I got a better job to pay bills, nothing extravagent but something that made a little more money. Anyway, I'm only able to work part-time at this job because there are no full time opportunities so I decided to go back to school for something different, Social Work. I currently have a BA and because of my GPA, I had to go back for a second bachelors to raise it to get into a Masters program. It wasn't terrible, just a little lower than it should have been. Anyway, so I do this, thinking I'd better my life, right? Thinking that I would be going somewhere or doing something for me. And this endeavor has failed recently and put me more financially in debt and ever so confused. During that time, I also had to get another car, because the car that was sold to me after my lease kept breaking down--and I drive rather far to work.
SO--now, I've got no direction, absolutely no money even if I save, Right now, my student loans are deferred until May unless I decide to go to school.
The place that I live at isn't good for my well-being at all, I'm having extreme family issues here. There is constant arguing, no privacy and no feeling of independency here and keep in mind, I'm very independent. I always have been.
I live with my Mom and brother right now, and our house is very small. I mean VERY small. I technically do not even have a bedroom or a bed right now. I sleep on an air mattress. It's pitiful and embarrassing. I'm only here because I can't afford living on my own. It's miserable and has put me back into depression. I don't feel as if I'm living my life and I feel as if being here isn't even worth it anymore.
I'd like to move to another state but I don't even know where to start looking for a job or how. I'm scared in a way of rejection, but I know I won't get anywhere without trying. How will I pay for everything though? I've got so many bills. And when my student loans come in--oh god, I don't even know!
The only solution I came up with is to find a full time job and a part time one. I don't know what else to do. I feel so despondent about this.