Drowning In Debt.

I feel helpless and unable to pick myself up from this terrible place I'm at. I never thought I'd end up here because I always imagined better for myself. I try to analyze my situation over and over again, talking about it doesn't help, it only gives me anxiety attacks and I run in circles. My current situation is awful and embarrassing and I don't know how else to describe but as that. I'm turning 26 this Friday and I realized how much I haven't accomplished with my life, and how much I've failed at. When I was 19-20, I was the happiest because I finally overcame depression after six years, and I was doing well emotionally and financially. I was given an opportunity to become a nanny which was by far the worst decision I've ever made. It wasn't being the nanny, it was the low pay and abuse that I took. Anyway, during that time, I got an apartment with a roommate who was there part time. My boss and my Nanny job wouldn't pay me on time and then I had to use my credit cards to pay bills. Well, it wasn't so bad until I lost my job, that I wasn't at fault for whatsoever. I was out of work for near a month and had tons of bills to pay and the next job I got paid me even lower. I couldn't afford everything, charging was the only way to pay. It was robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I also had to get another car because my leased vehicle was over the miles because of how much driving I did for the family. There were a few other things that I had to deal with as well that caused my financial strain. Because of this, I  had to move back home which was something I did not want to do. (I was about 23 or so when this happened).
I was in school and racked up loans, too. So: I have a car with negative equity, credit cards and student loans (other little bills as well). I got a better job to pay bills, nothing extravagent but something that made a little more money. Anyway, I'm only able to work part-time at this job because there are no full time opportunities so I decided to go back to school for something different, Social Work. I currently have a BA and because of my GPA, I had to go back for a second bachelors to raise it to get into a Masters program. It wasn't terrible, just a little lower than it should have been. Anyway, so I do this, thinking I'd better my life, right? Thinking that I would be going somewhere or doing something for me. And this endeavor has failed recently and put me more financially in debt and ever so confused. During that time, I also had to get another car, because the car that was sold to me after my lease kept breaking down--and I drive rather far to work.
SO--now, I've got no direction, absolutely no money even if I save, Right now, my student loans are deferred until May unless I decide to go to school.
The place that I live at isn't good for my well-being at all, I'm having extreme family issues here. There is constant arguing, no privacy and no feeling of independency here and keep in mind, I'm very independent. I always have been.
I live with my Mom and brother right now, and our house is very small. I mean VERY small. I technically do not even have a bedroom or a bed right now. I sleep on an air mattress. It's pitiful and embarrassing.  I'm only here because I can't afford living on my own. It's miserable and has put me back into depression. I don't feel as if I'm living my life and I feel as if being here isn't even worth it anymore.
I'd like to move to another state but I don't even know where to start looking for a job or how. I'm scared in a way of rejection, but I know I won't get anywhere without trying. How will I pay for everything though? I've got so many bills. And when my student loans come in--oh god, I don't even know!

The only solution I came up with is to find a full time job and a part time one. I don't know what else to do. I feel so despondent about this.
Hilly2826 Hilly2826
22-25, F
6 Responses Nov 24, 2010

I was in trouble with payday loan and don't know what to do but my brother in law told me about a payday loan consolidation company called Be Free Financial, I gave them a call and talk to Will he assisted me and explained how the program works, now i'm saving 100's per month on my payments. Call 407-949-0305

Thank you for your advice and kind comments everyone. I will utilize what everyone has told me. I've been trying my best and I'm still on the job search for something full time. Things are still the same for me and I've been trying to make them better. My family life and this environment I'm in doesn't help matters. I feel more depressed all of the time because of it. There are so many arguments in my house and it doesn't help when I'm trying to crawl out of this. I want out of this house more than anything in the world because it's affecting my well-being and has put my back into depression. <br />
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And yes, I'm surrounded by tons of chaos in my life. Finances. Family. Relationships. Career. The direction I'm going. <br />
I need help but I'm still trying to find the right direction to go into. I'm so overwhelmed but it really helped coming back to what I wrote and seeing all of your comments. Thank you so much everyone, it really meant a lot that you took the time to read my story and to comment on it.

Sorry for what is happening to you, especially when you are just 26. 26 is not the time to have so many worries. <br />
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Anyway, why are you going for a second degree...I feel that is a waste of time and money. Better learn some job oriented trade, or vocational education that will enable you to start earning quickly. Another bachelor's degree would mean 4 years of waiting period, more student loans and above all, you don't know if will help you land a good job. As far as I know, in this bad economy, liberal arts degrees are not in hot demand. For the present, defer your grad school plans too.

If your debt cannot be paid in 5 years, bankruptcy will wipe out everything but the student loans and allow you to get a fresh start. It's time to let up on the guilt, face the debt and slay it, and start again. You're too young to feel doomed, and you have a lot of potential living to do! Don't spend your time in misery.

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, Hilly2826. I've been where you are right now - living at home after finishing grad school, unable to find a good job, totally broke, bills piling up and student loans about to come due. Here's some suggestions I can offer you that worked for me:<br />
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1. If you have access to cash or have something of value to sell for cash then try contacting your credit card companies and offer to settle on the balance. It'll hurt your credit for about 18 - 24 months, but not bad enough that you won't be able to rent a place or get a phone or that type of thing. Be calm in your negotiations and simply repeat over and over that you are willing to settle the balance at X dollars. I did this and ended up settling all my credit card debt for about 1/2 of what I actually owed. They will work with you on this. Something is better than nothing and they know that.<br />
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2. If that doesn't work, try consumer credit counseling and see if they can work out a payment plan for you. Don't be afraid to not take the deal they offer you if you don't think it'll work for you.<br />
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3. See about deferring your student loan repayment for financial hardship. This is something I had to do and it was a HUGE help. During the deferral period you can elect to either pay interest or pay nothing. Decide which one will work better for you and go for it. <br />
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4. While your student loans are in deferment and you're still living at home, work on your other bills if you couldn't settle the balances. Make sure and save a little something each check, even if it's only a tiny amount. Even if you can only afford $10 per paycheck, seeing that balance grow each month will do wonders for you psychologically. It will give confidence in your ability to make good decisions, remind you that you're on your way to financial freedom and give you a sense of hope that things won't always be this bleak.<br />
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I know this is hard, sweetie, but you WILL get through it and you WILL have a much, much better life in the future. The transition from college student to independent, satisfied full time employee is tough one, probably one of the hardest ones you'll make, but it will happen. I know because I went through it too. <br />
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Hang in there, sweetie! Your future is going to better and richer than you can possibly imagine right now!

Hilly 28-26 - I feel terrible for you. You seem to be on a merry-go-round of financial horror. I'm no expert at this, but if it were me i'd:<br />
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1. Avoid any credit repair service that insisted upon being paid. There are those who provide the necessary assistance at "NO CHARGE".<br />
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2. Sit down and write out a list of all of your debts. Pay off the very smallest ones first, those under five hundred dollars. That may knock off a couple of anoying debts. Then foucus on paying as much as possible on the highest interest debts, AFTER you have called the credit card companies to discuss freezing your account at a predetermined LOW interest rate. Be very polite, but assure them that if they are unable to assist you, backruptcy may be the only reasonable alternative. <br />
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3. Student loans are immune to bankruptcy, make the minimum necessary payments while devoting every cent to paying off the high interest loans. <br />
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4. Your goal should be to get out of debt and remain out of debt. All other desires / wants need to be put on "hold" until you achieve the goal of being debt free. <br />
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5. Pay only cash for all of you living expenses. Terminate using all credit cards. You cannot get out of debt by sustaining the debt.<br />
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6. Good Luck! There are a lot of people praying for you.