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Yes, I Am In Debt!

I used to have a good paying job working contract work on a great project at IBM. That eventually went to the way side and in the meantime my mom got sick and eventually died 9 months later. When She died i went crazy with money. I bought a motorcycle and eventually moved to Seattle buying a trailer and a new truck. I had also started to smoke marijuana and drink again after 14 years off the stuff. I got so caught up in living the lifestyle, living in an imaginary dream world where credit was easy. I had decided to change careers and become a screenwriter/producer having got experience in Austin where I used to live. I had no idea what it was going to be like. I didn't know how difficult it was going to be to get a screenplay out that was decent.
It was crazy. I remember when it seemed like it was going to come to an end and how scary that was going to be. I still couldn't admit it to myself. I started to get more heavy into drugs and that was insanity in itself. Before my life had fallen apart completely before. when the door started to shut it was the most horrible experience in my life. My integrity was totally gone. Creidt cards where lowering my limits and many of them stopped working. It was hard to believe that I went from being responsible and owning my place to totally destroying my life. I felt so bad for a long period of time. I just wanted life to end. I was spiritually bankrupt. I started to do bankruptcy but got real scared that the creditors would try to file criminal charges on me. I head that they could make that happen and honestly I surely deserved it. I was I had racked up over 175k in consumer debt at the time including interest and such. It was so freaky to start to look at it. It even shocked the lawyer I was talking to about it.
Right now I have been unemployed for quite some time with a few small contracts in over two years. I have manage to mess up a few bank accounts having never done that before in my whole life. I owe the IRS taxes from unemployment payments and from cashing in an IRA. It is crazy. Thankfully I only have myself to support. But it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. My faith has gone down the toilet so to speak, I need God and find that hard to see within myself.
rmclin rmclin 51-55, M 5 Responses Aug 19, 2011

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First of all I have to say that I like your candor, if you lost your integrity it appears that you are on the road to regaining it. Perhaps that is what that episode in your life was/is ulitimately about. <br />
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At some point in time you will have to rebuild your financial life. It will no doubt be an uphill climb but it is certainly doable. I had credit problems and received a great deal of instruction from my credit guy who opened my eyes to all of the silly things that I was doing because I did not understand how money and credit worked in our society. With his help I was able to pull my stuff together. May the same happen to you when you are ready to move forward.

Hi thank you for sharing your story. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I owe $200,000 in student loans. Yes you saw that right $200,000. I went to law school and didn't pass the bar exam...twice. Now I'm a paralegal, I earn very little and cannot afford to pay off my debt. I get very depressed about this and have very little prospect of ever being debt free in this lifetime (bankruptcy doesn't get rid of student loan debt). But alas I have only one life to live. There is so much more to life and living than your debt. The alternative is to jump off a bridge, and while I have thought about the possiblity, I am too curious for what tomorrow will bring to go through with it :)

Thanks that was great to hear that. You rock!

rmclin:<br />
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You have suffered! <br />
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All the guilt and shame you feel right now is such a heavy burden for you. I wish I could take the pain away. <br />
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You are brutally honest in your words and your heart must ache as you recount this story in your mind. <br />
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Honestly, the way you treated yourself, I am surprised you survived at all....talk about going off the rails. It's time to stop blaming yourself. You have done enough damage to yourself. Think of it this way.<br />
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You have strength of 1,000. You had such life alterning situations that you found life difficult to deal with. You were having fun and..you had more fun,,,but you got lost in spending. You were searching trying to find answers. You had probably buried yourself in work for so long and by tending to the needs of others - you forgot about YOU...YOU least valued YOU..<br />
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Well, the price is on your head now. This is not meant as a slight. It is meant as a place to encourage you to feel that you are worthy of taking control of this situation. You are obviously S.M.R.T. and you have connections and you know your way around in the corporate sector. <br />
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Film and Television,,,writing a screenplay is not easy and getting a team of people on your side isn't any easier....but..you now have a tool - you have discovered your creative side.<br />
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I know my words don't offer much comfort but I want you to know that all of this happened to you so you can FINALLY see your value - your worth...money meant nothing to you and you meant nothing to yourelf. Well, you are turning a new corner today and you are a brand new YOU..be proud of yourself..Keep writing of your progress...YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!!<br />
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Freedolphin,,,<br />
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Hug...

Thanks!