I Am In Constant Emotional Pain

I am in constant emotional pain due to the fact that I was abused as a child for many years.

Mostly all I have wanted was to be a part of a family. To be loved and valued for who I am. The ONLY person in the whole world who ever loved me was my Grandmother and when she died I asked God why he didnt take me instead because lots of people liked her but I was worthless. I vowed to not make her death be in vain but being the failure I am I guess after 20 some years I couldnt do that either.

People cant seem to truly love me and I wish I knew why. I have 2 husbands and 1 lover and none of them loved me.

I have a child who does love me now but he will have a life of his own and I wont count much later on I know which is the way its supposed to be but I wish I had people who really cared about whether I lived or died in my life. Ive never had a close friend who wasnt there to use me and my most personal relationship is with someone from another country.

Ive had people use me so cruelly that others dont quite believe it happened when I tell it, yet I lived it. People believe that others are mostly good but I have never known it in my life.

Id give almost anything to be out of this kind of pain. To really know the "milk of human kindness" as Charles Dickens called it.
wildwriter wildwriter
41-45, F
6 Responses Jan 25, 2011

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I feel exactly the same, except I have no kid to love me either.

I found that love in Yeshua. I will pray for you.

Sad to read this. Sad and unfortunate that you are in pain but to lessen the pain try to stop the cycle. The world is sad and people are bad when we look through negative filters. There are theories emotional pain is psychologically created, take a big step back and look at the bigger picture, challange your negative thoughts and ask yourself constantly is there another way I can look at this. If your thoughts create your reality, sad negative thoughts will create a sad negative reality. Its hard work believing that stuff and making positive changes and decisions but what's the alternative? Face the challenge, dont run from it.

I am 50 and completely understand her. I can't go on.

This is so sad. To whomever has an ear to hear, there is a God. HIS name is Yehovah. He sent His Son, Yeshua, into the world to prove His love for you. Receive it and you will find healing. John 3:16

It's nice to hear that others have a god that hears them. Mine does not.

How are you doing now?