Will It Ever Stop?

Right this second I am in so much pain that I can't stop crying.
I have to stop typing from time to time so that I can literally scream into a pillow.
I'm browsing suicide websites, and I'm crying partially because I am in so much pain that I'm even curious.
I had a grandfather who hanged himself when the oldest of his six children was only seventeen.
invisiblonde invisiblonde
56-60, F
3 Responses Dec 24, 2011

I am reading this a little late but saw this and decided to respond anyway - Just last night I had a really bad night, feels like my whole world keeps going in a downward spiral and that it just won't stop. I sat on my bed for a long time just staring at my pistol. I know sooner or later this spiral will finally hit bottom and then i can start that climb back up. Today was a new day and tomorrow will be another new day - one at a time I will get thru this. No one is worth my life - I will keep fighting for me!!

I understand how you feel and hope you're thoughts about leaving this world has ended. Suicide, in my belief, is a selfish act. Do you see how much pain your parent caused you and others with their suicide? When I get super low, I remember the pain I would cause others if I committed suicide, and how mad people would be. I can't do that to them. As you know, that pain over a suicide is hard to get past. I pray you are doing better these days.

Don't do that, he's not worth it. I'm with someone just like that. I have been in that dark place many times. Don't give him your soul. Just stay strong one day at a time. God bless and just hang in there.