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Absolutely Terrified

I have 6 hours left and I am absolutely terrified I will not pass my comps!

First of all, I am a full time teacher which means I am at school from 6:30 in the morning until 4:00 in the afternoon with all attention devoted to school, meetings, tutoring, and calling parents.  I eat while grading papers as do all of my other colleagues. After that I spend at least 1 1/2-2 hours working on preparing or grading. (made harder by the fact I teach the advanced classes and have to prepare them for the AP test by writing essays.  This means I have very little time to devote to class and can only take about one class a semester.

Two years ago I actually quit for a year, but got so depressed that I started it up again.  I am stressed adn have no time for anything but work and school.  there are weekends where I do not talk to a living soul because I am working.

For comps I have to have both a written and oral, which I am pissed about because I just learned that the principals at my school didn't even have to take!  It has taken me 6 years and I am afraid I wont remember anything and will fail.  I am terrified that after spending money, time, and losing all friends it will have been for nothing!  I always wanted to be able to have a family, but I am scared that I have wasted my time doing this instead and will end up lonely and alone without a degree to my name to show for it.

Lurker Lurker 26-30, F 2 Responses Nov 9, 2009

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I hope that you did well. Grad school is the black hole. Sucks you in. No light. The people who used to be your friends rarely understand what your life is like now. Some do. Most of my relationships now are online because I don't have time to actually see many people in real life. Some of my old friends are okay with that but some aren't.



I don't have quals/comps in my program. We have an alternative that is much more attractive and helpful. But I have friends who are in your situation. Not something I'd ever want to do and I'd be spastic and full of self-doubt because that's what I do.



Anyway, once again...I hope it went well and that you achieved your goals.

I think you're putting an enormous amount of pressure on yourself. I know it will be hard to do at first, but I think you ought to meet up with friends for at least a couple of hours out of your weekend. That way, you can return to your workload feeling a bit more refreshed. I think you will make yourself ill if you carry on this way. We all need time to relax and not feel guilty about doing so. I'm sure your friends will be pleased to see you. All the best and take care.