I Love Her So Much But Have to Hold Back

I have a situation with a girl who totally rocks my world literally. We share the same dreams and passions for life. Music, Art, etc...Thing is that it hit me all at once one night as I was driving home and it was like a freight train. One night we are are at a bar and I tell her I love her. She tears up and starts crying. Says that she can't because her ex lover still has her heart and still hasn't gotten over it. SO...I am there just speechless. And she continues on about motivation and I am thinking the same thing. I need her to motivate me and start to make things happen. Well, I decide for her sake to take it easy and chill about all this love thing. Well, valentines day comes around she comes over with a girl freind of hers and I go through the entire day without saying anything about Valentines day. Well, I felt bad about it later on and decide to text her Happy Valentines day and I just have this gut feeling that that has put a big wrench into everything we've accomplished so far. Reason being is that she never replied and usually does. So these past couple days I have not eating or sleeping much and been running alot. And each time I get into bed I start crying becuase it hurts worst than any other love I've had. I just wanna feel something else other than the pain I feel from being so deeply in love with the greatest girl I ever met and I have been with a variety of girls in my lifetime. I say this will all sincerity and honesty. I feel this very tight spiritual bond everytime I am with her. Please help me figure this out. I was afraid this would happen and it has I am sad to say...Also please refer to my other post for more detail on how we have progressed since then. http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e...

NightWatcher NightWatcher
31-35
4 Responses Feb 16, 2009

She has since moved away to California. I think it was the best thing for the both of us. We have shared so much in such little time. But the time we've had together has felt like an eternity. I love her and she loves me. I love her so damn much I have set her free. She came to visit me last month and we had the BEST times I have ever had in my life. We went camping, I took her to a place she had been wanting to go for the longest time, and we spent 3 days listening to music and watching the world around us. We had a serious conversation about our relationship and she asked me about my love for her. She asked if my love was like a brotherly love...I said yes. Should I have? because it's much more than that. It's not at all sexual or physical, but instead it's like I feel she is a part of me. And when she is gone I feel like I am missing something and it hurts. But I have gotten really adapted and have worked with dealing with the hurt which only lasts a day or two. I don't think she really understands how to deal with it all. She told me that whenever she is around me she feels like a part of something real. But she is sooo scared. I know it. She is way too young still. 27. Maybe in about 10 years, but I might be gone by that time. I am 38 and I am trying to stay healthy but deep inside I feel I am dying slowly. Everyday I try to live life to the fullest and she lives vicariously through me. I am inspired by her love for music and art and it makes me that much more of a creator of this.

Update...She's up in the air about getting involved with anyone. She just wants to be alone. No elationships No drama...I've had to fall out of love because it was killling me slowly. AND I am feeling better. I was at a point where I just wanted to die. Taking showers and crying and attempting to wash away the feelings that were eating at my soul. I can channel most feelings but these were intense. Hopefully I can sleep tonite.

Thanks for the comments...Also to clear up any confusion, the ex lover is a female. <br />
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So to add to it all and I guess I should have begun with the fact that when I met her she was claiming to be gay. But like I said...she and I started feeling each others vibes as we've been growing together each time. And she mentioned some things to me that made me think that she was interested long term. Like if I really wanted kids. Well...I took it with a grain of salt but still had to say something because it was killing me inside. I think space is a good idea.<br />
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Thanks again.

you will never be happy with her until she gets over this other guy.<br />
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give her some space and let her figure out that you are what she needs in life. she will come back to you. you sound like a great guy.