Heartbroken

I love a woman who I have known for 20 years!  I was married to her for 15 and been divorced for about 5 years now.  She has been the one that I grew up with but in all honesty I was the one that felt he was too yuong to be a husband and a good father!  We got married almost a year after we found out that she was pregnant with our first baby.  We had a very rocky road because in my opinion I was too yuong and didn't know how to love someone and was brought up to not run away from responsibility.  I stayed and tried to be a father and a husband with a rough time being yuong and not knowing if this was the life I really wanted.  15 years went by and alot of ups and downs and a total of 4 kids later I was the one who told her that I didn't want to be married and filed for divorce.  In the past 5 years I have not completely separated myself from her but didn't have a great relationship with her.  This is the life I thought I really wanted but on average saw her intimately at least once a month.  It is very easy to be with someone you are comfortable with.  Anyway, the single and free life I thought I wanted was not all up to what I thought it was up to be.  During the past holiday season I realized I realy wanted a family and I had one so why not try to put it back together. Well after 5 years people tend to become differnt through experiences and just being alone and having to rely on yourself and friends for relief.  I brought it up to her this past Christmas season to get back together and finish the rest of our lives in a positive way with love and a family that I realize I wanted.   Well too much time past and she found someone that she likes but was married but that didn't stop them from exploring all aspects of a relationship.  We moved in together when I told her how I felt and it was rough for the first month as she was trying to hold on to the relationship she had built and trying to be here with me.  We finally agreed to work it out and I was the one who actually made the changes to become the best husband and friend I could be.  You would`think that life would be happily ever after, WRONG, she had so much confusion and didn't really know what to do.   We are now caught up to where we are now and the situation is that she is 5 years older with an indepedance I have never been used to and I am the one who wants this to work and she only wants to be happy going out with her friends and maybe having a "new" relationship with another man.  She is living with me for finacial stability as well as myself and I love her more than anything but she only loves me as a friend and wants nothing more than that.  I know I can't change her feelings but what can I do when I can't get the feleling of wanting my family back out of my head! She wants to be roommates but I am not handling it very well and she has no idea how hard it is for me but she goes out with an attitude of a 21 year old even though we still have yuong kids to think about.  She has even told me that the kids are no longer a priority but her job and happiness are her priorities now.  How can I stop feeling like she is the one for me and enjoy the rest of my life without her!  I am really debating the opinion of kicking her out and dealing with the fincial situation so that I can move on but I don't want to give up the slight chance that she may come around and spend the rest of our lives together.  You opinions are welcome and would apperciate all your input.

demc777 demc777
36-40
2 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Im afraid I have to side with Singer on this one, the grass is always greener...and thats just human nature...unfortunately. Ive spent years chasing a girl around the world and back again, things always seem to fall to **** when we are together and when we're not, its a whole different story...You cant change how you feel, but you can accept how she feels, and I think your gonna have to work with that, and at the same time do whats in your best interests, because at the end of the day, its your life and your happiness is what matters most, if kicking her out and dealing with the fincancial crap is going to help you move on, then I say...Do it!

I say stay the way that you are....As friends....You had your time to "Find" yourself.....and she needs her times also.....<br />
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Of cource it could be that humans always seem to want what they can not have...and that might be where you are now......<br />
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But I still say...be a friend right now...At least you have your kids...and that is the most important thing of all