In Love With A Guy Who Has An Arranged Marriage To Someone Else

I am 22 years old and have been in love with my best friend and now my boyfriend for 3 years. I have had boyfriends before but I knew this was different from anything I had ever felt before. For years we were best friends; inseparable. One time we were hanging out and talked about what it would be like to kiss each other. We both expected it to be like kissing your sister or brother becuase of how close we were. But it turned out to be the most magical kiss I have ever experienced. From then on we began dating and our relationship only grew deeper and more intimate to the point where I was, and still am, fully in love with him. The only problem with our relationship is that he is Indian (from India) where they still have arranged marriages and his parents choose his wife for him. I am American and in no way a possible candidate to be his wife. We have discussed our relationship and how it would be beneficial to end it before either of us gets hurt. The problem is that we love each other so much it's so hard to stay away, which hurts even more because we both know it has to end someday. I just feel like we are in a hopeless situation and it breaks my heart that we both love each other so much but we can't be together.
Quinlove Quinlove
22-25, F
5 Responses Sep 9, 2011

Not trying to sound like a downer, but I've gone through this and been where you've been. Usually family and traditions win out depending on how traditional your guy is. Me and my ex are in love but his family found out and sent him to India to his wedding. It was and one year later, is still the most painful thing I've experienced. We still have to see each other at work and it's hard because we still love each other but now he's married so nothing can happen. It's hard with those cultures. He explained it as his parents gave him life so he must give his life to them and marry who they chose. Everyone in his family had arranged marriages and he wasn't strong enough to break their traditions or bring shame on his family and be disowned. If your guy is more modern you may have a chance but I doubt it. Just be prepared because it will tear your heart out and everytime you two look at each other afterwards it's not going to get any easier. Just don't get your hopes up like I did.

It is critically important that you be true to your love for one another. If you have found deep and true love and you give it up you will run the risk of forever yearning for each other for the rest of your lives; such a burden on your psyche can cast a serious shadow over your health and happiness. If your Indian boyfriend is already promised to a particular individual it certainly is difficult to overcome but not impossible. My wife is the daughter an Indian doctor and U.S. nurse who married back in the 1960's when people literally thought they might have striped kids and such marriages were not legal in all states. They produced a beautiful daughter, my wife, and the families love for that child conquered all and brought them all together as one very happy extended family in every way. My message to you, is that if you both feel you truly have found your soul mate, it is a rare gift never to be given up, keeping it will bring your true happiness which is what both your families will recognize in time is all they want for both of you.

I feel your pain. Don't let him go. True love is all about how you two feel and not about others. If you truly love each other then nothing can break you apart. I'm with a guy and my parents want an arranged marriage for me. They don't know about my relationship but i can't break up with him becuz i love him too much. Believe in yur relationship and make it work.

i think we are in a same condition. but its all depends on faith. if gods will, u will be together. i know its hard to let him go..

yes.. let it go..a family tradition is very important to them. and they respect their parents more than anybody else in this world..

The widespread tradition of arranged marriages is now not universally accepted in India and many, many families are recognizing that the most important thing is true love and happiness of their children. I am in a mixed race marriage, as were my wife's parents and we travel throughout India regularly and see it is becoming so accepted nowadays that no one even thinks it is unusual. I should note my wife's parents were the first generation in very many, if not all preceding, that had a "love marriage" as it is often called, and it was accepted and supported by the community.