Words I Can't Describe

 

The day seemed to start like no other day, just the same routine more or less. How could I have expected anything different to occur? How did I know something truly magical would become of this day? I was just standing around with some friends at that point when it happened. When he came by, and when our eyes had met, well, to be honest I was a little wowed and just a bit freaked out. For good reason – how could I have expected this? I mean, I had always felt surprisingly comfortable around him. When I finally looked away I was aware that my heart was still beating, still feeling that moment.   Now before I continue, there is something important to note. This man, this soulmate of mine, isn’t quite as available as I would have liked – but the main reason being he was married. I knew I didn’t want to hurt him, or his family. Even if it caused me great pain to even think of letting go. Yes, I had tried to at least move on…. Bad mistake. I was not so whole than. My whole body seemed to react to that pain, and I know I will never do that again.   But the universe had other plans up its sleeve, and our eyes kept on meeting now and again – with the same, and more intensity than the first time. Every time I felt like I could just look into his eyes forever and I’d be the happiest person in the world. Also, it seemed every time, as if my eyes were opening up more and more. For one, I was suddenly more aware of the fact that he was familiar to me. His face, his features, his actions – they all seemed so familiar somehow. I just loved everything about him. And his smile, was like no other smile I had ever seen. I simply loved him so completely and with no fault.   Another important note was the fact that this happened when I was fairly young. Well, 22. All I can begin to think is how lucky I was to have met my soulmate. But the word itself was pretty foreign to me. Of course I have heard the word, but I didn’t really know what to think about it. I associated the term more or less to true love, the one that’s meant for you. And in a sense that is true, but the fact is I couldn’t even begin to imagine the feelings with it, or the familiarity I felt because he has always been with me - in past lives.   So the thought of soul mates wasn’t a direct thought at first. I knew there was definitely something; something that I couldn’t explain. And my dreams helped me also. One of the first showing me that there was indeed some connection between us. So I started to search around, ever more baffled each time our eyes met. Or even when our eyes were forcing themselves not to look upon each other, fearing that connection, it was of great pain to our hearts. And somehow the term soul mate came up, and it was like my heart was floating above the clouds. I was overjoyed. I was… more than words could describe at this point.   And the moment when I really embraced it, it seemed soon after I saw him again. Our eyes met and it was not only as intense as before, but it was like I could see his love in his eyes. I also just knew he could read my thoughts: my heart felt like it was squealing out the word: ‘my soul mate.’ I was just so overjoyed at seeing him again. I was practically shaking with happiness, having felt this strange sort of energy flow into my entire body. It all just seemed so unreal – and yet it was so incredible and I believed every minute of it.   But now we are briefly separated again, though I knew he would because he had planned a trip overseas. At this point though, with all my knowledge (well, given to what I know about our feelings, our love) my heart was saddened that I wouldn’t see him until… well, sometime. But after a time, there was a little silence in my heart, and when I listened to it I could feel his presence. My thoughts seemed to always be with him. Everything seemed to feel strange, not like an obsession or anything, but like he was literally a part of me. I would always live for him. No matter what.   Time doesn't seem to matter at this point, and call it what you want, but I just know I will see him again. It's just this strong feeling in my heart.