I Am In Love With 2 Men!!!! And It Doesnt Stop There!!!!!

I have been with my man Michael for 3 years now. He is amazing! He treats me like gold even to this day. We are really great togeather and when we are alone, we are the only 2 people on the face of the planet. I do love Michael very very much and I couldnt imagine him not being in my life, but in the last year and a half I have started realizing alot of things that are starting to get in the way on how I feel about our relationship.

Michael is 15 years older than me, he has 2 grown boys and a wife that he still has yet to divorce. Michael also left his job 2 years ago to pursue something new... but he has not obtained a job yet. So he is now a 40 yr old jobless father that I have been supporting for 2 years. Dont get me wrong I dont mind supporting him and his family... but my debt is out of control now because of this. I feel like im being dragged down.... but when I think of us and how awesome we are togeather i tend to forget about all of the other issues. Well I am now working 3 jobs and graduating college and the stress has hit me full force. A bit ago I had broken up with Michael so I could figure out what I wanted in life as I wasnt sure where we were going was where I wanted to be... He agreed and was very supportive and gave me the space I needed.

Well during that space... I was hanging out with one of my best buddies Matt (I thought nothing of it) and I went to his going away party as he accepted a job in Nunavut. Well one thing led to another after many many drinks and we hooked up. We were both very ashamed at what we had done but we didnt quite regret it as we realized we both have always felt that way. He had told me that he always dreamed of being with me and that he didnt think differently of me at all and that he really cared for me and always had. Well after that we kept in contact even after he had moved away and he called me every single day. Well after awhile I felt bad for Michael so I told him what had happened between Matt and I. Michael was very hurt but he understood and was ready to forgive me and forget about it because he loved me and thats all that mattered. He knew I was not like that usually so he wasnt worried about me just doing it with anyone. He told me the only thing that worried him was he didnt want Matt to use me. He figured Matt had gotten what he wanted and that was it. Wich is not true because Matt whould not call me every day since he left and tell me he loves me before he hangs up.

So after I had told Michael, **** started to hit the fan and alot of people found out and started bad mouthing Matt and I. Matt said he didnt care because he cared about me. He said he would stick by me no matter how hard the bullshit got.. we got ourselves into the mess and we did it for a reason. He was ready to pay for everything and move me out there with him. (btw he makes TONS of money). But I wanted to clear things up here first. Well Michael and I started to talk about things and straighten things out.... and I was ready to leave Michael and be with Matt as my life sounded more promising and fun with Matt... but then I found out I was pregnant. So I had to re-think everything!

Michael was totally excited to have another baby and he is taking full responsibility as a dad.... So we are trying to work things out... but then a thought occured to me.... what if its Matt's? This just became so unbearable for me.. what do u do in a situation like that!!!!! I am the quiet no drama small town girl.... How could something so drastic happen to me so quickly??? So I told Matt about my concerns and he was not mad or scared.. he also was very supportive... He still is very interested in being with me and still tells me he loves me... he respects the fact that I am trying to work things out with Michael but he also doesnt want to give up on me... He is giving me time to figure it out. I guess now I feel like I am obligated to stay with Michael because we may be having a child togeather.. The sad thing is... is I do love him sooo incredibly much.... but I feel like that part of my life has passed and im ready to move one.. Im just not ready to let it go.

I guess I am still in limbo trying to weigh out the pros and cons and here they are:
Michael: Pros- awesome boyfriend, great dad, VERY goodlooking, Great body, Sensitive, funny, smart
              Cons- no job, 40 yrs old, wife, slowing down, no education, we will always be in debt
Matt: Pros- Good looking, great dad, very masculine, caring, GREAT job, Very Funny, Very fun! we have a financially stable future.
         Cons- not sensitive, not sure how good of a boyfriend he is yet, he has somewhat of a reputation as a player

The point im at now is... I am just comfortable with the way things are.. I dont want to make any dicisions... I love Michael and i love Matt... And I am totally excited im having a baby.... but one of the men will be the only one for me... and im not sure who... I just dont want to make any mistakes.... a crystal ball would be great right about now. Michael wants me to get rid of Matt for good now that we are trying to work things out... but i cant.. and is not fair to either of them.. I dont wanna hurt Michael but I also dont want to lose Matt.... FML!
AprilLee AprilLee
2 Responses May 26, 2011

You are so very cute. And you have expressed your feelings in such a nice way, only someone with a very clean heart could do this. Anyways, I think you don't seem to have a future with Micheal for he is married and has kids and has no money. Tomorrow if you get married with him, he will be a different person altogether. He has just hooked you and using you to the best of his abilities and now that he has got you pregnant you have practically nowhere to turn to. My sincere advice to you is : Leave Micheal : There is no future with him. Once you make up your mind, it will be clear to you what next. Evaluate Matt on the merits of his personality and not in the shadow of Micheal.

Wow you have a tough decision to make.The father of your child or Matt which to me is the better choice.Michael can't even afford to pay for his child and you can't either because you are burdened taking care of Michael and his family.Still if it's me I think Matt is still the much better choice but find out how he feels about helping you raise another mans child.I hope you figure this out and make the right choice for you.