Because Apparently Tusks Are Attractive

Boy, where to start? I doubt anyone reading even knows who the character is, and I'm nervous about saying it regardless. I'm tempted to dare anybody to come up with a weirder one, too... I'm so worried about this, I've actually used a completely new username for this site, for fear of anybody recognizing me at all. Have any of you read Order of the Stick? If you have, you'll recognize the name "Redcloak". If you haven't, brace yourself! Ha ha! Order of the Stick is a.. is a webcomic, set in a Dungeons and Dragons setting, and despite being one of the greatest stories I've ever read, it's represented in.. well, stick-figures. Even so, dare I say it, Redcloak is the person I've been utterly in love with for almost two years now. A stick-figure goblin. But I find him endearing, fangs and all. He's my profile picture up there, as you may have heard me state previously. Good Lord, do I love the guy. I couldn't list everything about him I find endearing or I would go on for pages, and scare you all. I'll settle with telling you a bit about him as a character, and try and keep it short. He's intelligent and clever, dedicated, tidy, actually well-meaning, with a dry sense of humor, strong sense of justice, and a dream to make life better for his oppressed people. He has the mentality of the ends justify the means, but he's not a monster. He's an antagonist- an anti-villain. I accept that. But he is not merciless or deranged. He doesn't harm those he perceives as innocents, and he has a conscious- he's Evil, but for a good cause. So, extremist and tunnel-visioned, yes, but not a monster. That's not blindness by the way- he's seriously a decent guy. He'd work himself to death for the sake of his people. He even took his nephews and niece to a day at the circus, for Pete's sake. The first time he caught my interest was when he lectured several other evil minions because they left a popcorn mess in the kitchen. On a pity-party note- hang on, let me get the violin- ah, there. I have chronic depression and anxiety disorders, but y'know what? He makes me feel happy. Not chipper, or jolly, just... happy, truly and simply. I-can-enjoy-things-today happy. I-can-get-out-of-bed-today happy. Others who have dealt with anxiety/depression know how amazing that is. Sometimes, it hits me so hard I swear I could dance, and laugh. Yes, laugh! For the first time in ages! Just by thinking about him! He calms my worries; I can literally feel them, physically, slow and ebb away when I think about him. I feel safer, and even confident, going out of my comfort zone with his hand in mine. I've even had people comment on how I'll smile to myself for no reason, and I honestly don't notice it until they point it out- it's like a fricken Nicholas Sparks novel over here. I've never felt like a love-sick goon before; I never allowed myself to feel anything but platonic emotions for people before being blind-sighted by my feelings for Redcloak. And yet, I've found that I really am a better person these days. My words are kinder, my disposition is friendlier, and my tone is gentler. I'm still not overly fond of people, but I don't detest them so much anymore. Loving a goblin has softened my cynicism for the world; it's made my life better, my heart lighter. I haven't anything to compare what I feel for him to, but I know that I love him- I just... know it. It feels.. It's hard to describe. In the start, it was elating and kind of disconcerting, and now it feels.. Close. And warm. Caring, and supportive, and... It hurts that he's not real, yes.. but.. the positives have outweighed that. I've cried because he could never be here, I admit it- and that's actually embarrassing for me to say. But he's always there, through the tears and after. My writing, drawing and fantasizing helps express what I can't scream from a tall building or a mountain of some sort, as well. I'd do anything, anything, to meet him, and talk with him, and love him properly and not from a different plane of existence. It physically aches sometimes. Could you imagine waking up in the same world as your love? Seeing them in person? How incredible that would be? I'll never really be with him like I wish to, but in true, brutal honesty, I wouldn't trade the love I feel for Redcloak for any "real" person in the world.