Bitter

I hate your dead Ex for messing you up , I hate you more for allowing her to mess up your life just so you won't be alone , and I hate myself because I allowed this to get the best of me , I hate you and myself because you actually took what she did to you as love and you stayed with her just because she threatened you to kill herself if you left her until she finally did , that you blamed yourself for leaving her after all what she did to you, that  it was easier for you to be with her than with me , and maybe you thought being with me us more of a mistake than being with her , all because i am Muslim and saudi . 
to think , of the so many things you have had with her, spending time together , going out , holidays , family and friends gathering  , new year and valentines , birthdays, trips , all this taken in pictures and maybe videos you may still keep to remember her . when you all i had with you is just conversations .
i never saw you in real , i heard your voice only for few minutes , I never felt you, but she had all of you , 
I never loved anyone else , I only loved you, but she never loved you as i did, she just , lusted you, he way she talked about you like you are nothing but a sex toy , was that love ? is this what love meant to her ? or to you?
I hate your for your lack of judgement , for not standing up for yourself like anyone should do .
I hate you as much as i loved you, and I want to hold you  as much as i want to slap you face .
I just cant help but loving you, and hating you 
lonesomedove80 lonesomedove80
31-35, F
Sep 28, 2011