Tried to Get Back at Him, Only the Result Was Reversed

When we started talking again , i was so happy and thrilled that he was back, but i never told him that, i was still bitter over what happened not telling me the truth and keeping me in the dark even tough i asked him many times and assured him that if he found someone else i am cool with it and i would respect his decision .

things came back to the way they were even better  , ,of course i didn't want a relationship because i know it won't go anywhere because of our differences, i was still hurt because of things that happened in the past , so i was being tough and mean  ,telling him that i hated his guts , in a funny way , he knew that i didn't. and he knew that i loved him . he asked me many times how to reach me , but every time he did i change the subject, saying that he only wanted  mess with me.

 

one day he asked me what i would do if he deleted me from his buddies list on messenger

it was hard being objective with him , of course it would hurt me deeply because it had  been years since we talked and i thought i wouldn't talk to him again . now he says he want to let me go

I told him it was  his call if he wanted to , but i asked him why, he said that there was no point in it as long as it was not going anywhere

and he said it was  hard for him to think of me as just friend..

I thought he said that only because he felt lonely, i was never , and still, the kind of girl who says sentimental things ( i miss you i love you ...) i have been always like that with all my male online buddies because i don't want things to develop .

I didn't want to be just some another girlfriend in his life

i enjoyed our friendship even when i wanted more , because i didn't want what we already had to be ruined by jealousy and getting our hearts broken.......

i asked him if he was seeing someone , he replied that he wasn't

then he deleted me

 

i felt sore,  the same pain and void i felt when he was gone , had come back that night ...

 my heart was about to burst , and i couldn't hold it anymore , i sent him offline messages that i missed him so bad all these years wondering what he was doing  , and i was so happy that we were friends again, and i told him that i loved him so much

 

the next day, he added me back , and he told me that he cried when he read my words

i was furious mostly because i confessed to him, I felt, that he got what he wanted waiting till I break and tell him the truth...

he asked me to accept his add , I did, only that  i had become way too bitter than i was before we started being friends again

 

i started appearing offline to him and when i put my status online , i would be cold and distant...

being passionate to arts , he wanted to break the ice and wanted to show me some new exotic computer cases  with a strange styles that looked rusty and old .

 

( you added me back to show me some junk)??

  i thought getting back at him would make me feel victorious hurting him as he did to me..

he went quiet and then just sent a smiley face

........

 

i logged off ...

 

when i went to bed  and i thought of my words

and it hurt me instead , for trying to hurt him out of revenge

I felt the pain I wanted to cause him in the words I said to him..

 

i regretted what i did , i couldn't believe i had the guts to be so cruel when he was trying to be share something he is passionate about with me .

 

i learned that day that when you truly love someone , you can never hurt them or even think of doing so , because you end up hurting yourself , even when they hurt you, your love for them will be the judge to decide if you can forgive them .

 

 

lonesomedove80 lonesomedove80
31-35, F
1 Response Apr 25, 2009

true, it hurts more than you could imagine, Especially when you try to hurt it deliberatrly....love is like a mirror , you see your own reflection and hurting them will lead to hurting yourself ...