Moving On Is Not Easy As It Seems.

I admit that i am too scared to even appear online to him, I have a strong hunch that he will tell me something i don't want to hear, and i kinda feel that he is not alone anymore, even though he said last week that he want to talk more often with me and that he misses me, he even said ( please get online)

only when i do, he says things that we shouldn't talk if we are not going to meet, although i told him that it's better we remain friends for the time being till he fully recovers from the breakup .

I miss him so badly , every night i pray i can let him go, i end dreaming of him , holding him and feel him like its real.

but i decided to move on , because he might moved on in his life as well.

today when i was shopping at the mall with my mom and sisters , we stopped to buy ice cream from the regular ice cream store we always go to, I already know the guy who sells the ice cream so i didn't have to look him in the eye when i was ordering , only when i looked up to pay for him, the guy was replaced and hired a new one.

Surprisingly, he had a great resemblance of my friend , only older, like 10 years older.

My heart almost stopped but my sisters were standing and i didn't want to look like an idiot so i looked down and paid for him and left.

I had a sore feeling rushing  into my body  running through my blood in my veins, i was trying to put out the flame that has been burning for the last 7 years inside of  me that no sole know about, only the sight of the guy i met ar  the ice cream store blew harder on it and revived it again.

I want to move on, i really do, but deep down, i miss him so , and feel so jealous of those women whom he have been with .knowing  I can't be with him , or have memories with me like he did with them.

I wonder if he really meant what he said to me, or its all because of what he is going through.

I will leave it to fate, if he really misses me , he would write to me and tell me so.

that the least he can do. if not , then i should move on , for good this time

lonesomedove80 lonesomedove80
31-35, F
5 Responses Sep 1, 2009

Virtuous, ushually and I'm not saying that its the case in point for everyone, I feel a strong sense that there is more to this than you are being let on about. ater I read your story all that came to mind was run away. No one recovers from an emotional injury such as break up. It changes you from that day on and it also effects your future relationships, some in a negetive way and some on a possitve note. The possitve side of this is that you are more wiser and don't take things at just face value. It is your human instincts thats telling you not to stick your hands in a tiger's cage.. sort of speak

It is hard to let go.<br />
<br />
Some days you feel fine, like you could blow them off forever and know they're the ones who will be missing out on the amazing relationship you could have.<br />
<br />
Some days you physically ache like if you don't hear from them or see their playful smile your heart will crack in two.<br />
<br />
I believe you don't fully move on from something like that until you start falling in love with someone else. It may be awhile, and it may seem like it'll never happen, but it will. Just give time time.

i agree with you chickdeedee, before i met him, i mean online, i was cynical over those who fell in love via the internet, because i am , or was, a realistic person and believe that seeing is believeing, how someone would fall in love with only words? <br />
on the internet, our souls and minds met, my mind and soul has fallen for his, and i found myself drawn to him from the first conversation we had, i didnt understand why i was so interested in him even before i got to see his pictures. he thinks the same way as i do, say the same things i wanted to say to him but didn't fearing that he would think i am a creep. say things at the same time. <br />
i feel complte when i talk with him, i don't have to explain myself in order for him to understand me. because he already does. even better than i do.<br />
i see and look at myself when i am talking with him as he is my mirror to my soul.<br />
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i know this sounds crazy to you, but i guess someone won't know that they are in love unless all the things people say about lobe that sounded crazy to us before , finally make sense.

Type your comment here...thanks hun for your kind support.<br />
the thing is , I am muslim, and i do believe that men and women shouldn't mingle , but that is not the case.<br />
deep down, i feel if i moved on and married someone else, i feel like i am cheating and betray him. not like he was even faithful to me. because we only know each over the internet.<br />
if a good guy came along who loves me for me, i wouldn't say no.<br />
but i do feel kind of guilty for having feelings over someone before marriage. and my heart keep telling me that i shouldn't let go. but that torments me .<br />
<br />
i should move on. and i do pray for a fine man to marry if i am not meant to be with him or even be able to see him in my life.<br />
<br />
<br />
the religion, the culture , my family, and us.<br />
<br />
my logic says something and my heart says another.<br />
<br />
that what has been tormenting me for 7 years.<br />
<br />
i leave it to fate as i said, thanks again for your support.

You know, I went through something like that and hated myself for having those <br />
strong feelings, I made myself sick over it and wished to God they would go away.What helped me I started talking to other guys and when I got my mind of him, I felt so much better.I think we have times of lonelyness so bad that we let our emotions think we need this person and all the time there is more pain then any thing else.Moving on does not mean you have closed the door on your feelings for this guy.But you won't be so obsessed with ,when is he going to write.Go out and meet other guys and you will feel 100% better.<br />
Good luck!