Moving On Is Not Easy As It Seems.
I admit that i am too scared to even appear online to him, I have a strong hunch that he will tell me something i don't want to hear, and i kinda feel that he is not alone anymore, even though he said last week that he want to talk more often with me and that he misses me, he even said ( please get online)
only when i do, he says things that we shouldn't talk if we are not going to meet, although i told him that it's better we remain friends for the time being till he fully recovers from the breakup .
I miss him so badly , every night i pray i can let him go, i end dreaming of him , holding him and feel him like its real.
but i decided to move on , because he might moved on in his life as well.
today when i was shopping at the mall with my mom and sisters , we stopped to buy ice cream from the regular ice cream store we always go to, I already know the guy who sells the ice cream so i didn't have to look him in the eye when i was ordering , only when i looked up to pay for him, the guy was replaced and hired a new one.
Surprisingly, he had a great resemblance of my friend , only older, like 10 years older.
My heart almost stopped but my sisters were standing and i didn't want to look like an idiot so i looked down and paid for him and left.
I had a sore feeling rushing into my body running through my blood in my veins, i was trying to put out the flame that has been burning for the last 7 years inside of me that no sole know about, only the sight of the guy i met ar the ice cream store blew harder on it and revived it again.
I want to move on, i really do, but deep down, i miss him so , and feel so jealous of those women whom he have been with .knowing I can't be with him , or have memories with me like he did with them.
I wonder if he really meant what he said to me, or its all because of what he is going through.
I will leave it to fate, if he really misses me , he would write to me and tell me so.
that the least he can do. if not , then i should move on , for good this time