So Confused

We have been seeing each other for about 2-1/2 years now. We do work together. Things started off innocently enough, he would sit in my cubicle every morning and we would talk for about an hour before he left to do his route. He would wait for me outside in his truck if got into work after he left for the day.. he came to my house one night and he got to talking about how unhappily married he was. It was no secret around the office that things weren't great @ home. I had asked him if he ever thought about having an affair. He seemed taken aback by that and then asked if I knew of someone who wanted to have one with him (I didn't, I just wanted to see where his head was at). He asked if it was me, so I just said yeah. He started coming over pretty regularly but I couldn't bring myself to move forward with it. Well eventually it happened. About a week later he got hurt at work and was out for a bit,during that time his wife found out... needless to say NOT a good situation!!! He said he couldn't see me anymore cuz he had to work on his marriage. I had to give him at least that so I said OK.

Things went from bad to worse at his house and I felt terrible. I didn't talk to him for a few months and then one day he showed up at work to let them know when he would be back. He called me outside when he was leaving and gave me a kiss and said he would be in touch. He kept coming back once a week to check in and then the Friday before Memorial Day he came in to tell me he was coming back after the Holiday. I was psyched!!! He called me that Saturday and needless to say things started up again... He said he wanted to eb "Friends with Benefits" i said fine whatever.. A few times he said he couldn't do this anymore and I gave him his space,but he always came back to me. Long story short, we still see each other but only when he has time. She has him running around with the kids, here, ther & everywhere. I have told him how I feel about him and that I want to be with him but he sayd he can't leave his kids.. It is NOT easy to walk away I love him too much and the thought of being without him upsets me greatly. I don't know what else to do!!!!

confusedcupcake confusedcupcake
2 Responses Mar 5, 2009

It sounds like you care for him. He has his cake and is eating it to honey. You deserve better..of course he comes back. He'll keep coming back. He may have feelings for you, but you need to realize: he is NOT leaving his wife. If you can deal with this, and accept the little time he gives you, then that's OK, but you need to realize that is all there will be. <br />
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Is it fair? That's a hard question. Yeah - I would say so because you are allowing it. He can't take what you don't give ... <br />
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Men all use the same lines with the other woman - she doesn't understand me like you do, there is something missing, blah blah blah. <br />
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If the sex is great - and you understand that is all you will have, then I say continue. You will never be the one one on his arm.<br />
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you are only hurting yourself. you are the other woman and chances are you will always be the other woman with this man. you are wasting time with him when you could be with someone who will be fully commited to you and only you. it sounds like you two are together when he has time, which means that you do not come first. and it sucks and its hard to accept, but you really cannot make yourself so readily available for him whenever he wants you. you must have respect for yourself, and not seem so desperate. he is getting his cake and eating it too. and really, do you think its fair that he gets away with this? and what about his wife and his children? its obvious that he loves them, otherwise he wouldn't be trying to fix his marriage.