I Wont Be Another Typical Story

I hear these stories so much, women hopelessly in love with men who wont leave their wives. I refuse to have it, I wont. This isn't me! This isn't what will happen!

I've written about this so many times now I don't even know where to start. I'm engaged, hes married. Both of us are more or less using our spouses so that our lives can be more comfortable. It took a while for either of us to want to admit that.

We've been together a few times, spent a weekend together and it was amazing. I know its all too soon to know if anything will last, but I've never felt so desired by anyone. He wants to divorce, but he has abandonment issues and is scared that I'll end up falling back in love with my fiance. He doesn't want to be alone and I don't blame him, thats the only reason I'm engaged at this point, I don't want to be alone.

But with him...I've had the most interesting conversations. We have many of the same interests, which is odd. I have a very morbid view on most things and a dark sense of humor. He gets most of my jokes and has a handful of his own that would be in horrible taste else where, but crack me up. I could go on and on listing all the ways that we're perfect for each other.

Hes asked me just to wait a year. Then I'll be out of the lease (my fiances name is on it too) and he'll be done with a big portion of his military training. He wants me to give my fiance a chance...and I don't want to ruin his marriage. But hes told me, if I were single that he would leave his wife without question. Same as me, he doesn't want to be the reason my relationship ends. I think we'd eventually resent each other if that were the case. I love him too much to set us up for such a bitter future.

And he does insist we have a future, he talks about it constantly. The type of home we'll have, how we'll spend our time together, when he wants to have a child and that I could adopt his others. Yes, he has two with his first wife, but she keeps them away from him. Hes lucky to see them on webcam once a week...he loves his babies and misses them so much. Whats perfect is, that meshes with me so well. I don't want to have children, I've always prefered the idea of adopting. If I do have one I want to wait at least five or six years. Hes said he doesn't want another until hes with the woman for five years because of whats happened with his ex.

Hes claimed me as his. He accepts he has to share me with my fiance, though neither of us are happy about it. I'm not happy sharing him with his wife either, but at least she doesn't live with him right now. I miss him so much. With my fiance here I can barely even talk to him and its driving me crazy. Over the last month there hasn't been a single day that we haven't spoken several times a day.

I can't give my fiance a fair chance when the other man is constantly on my mind. I'm obsessing over it. I know I am. but I can't help it...

He told me once "sometimes the right thing to do is wrong"

Somehow, I feel that applies to this. Putting myself through this for my fiance is wrong...but its the right thing to do.

Morrighan Morrighan
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 11, 2010

I know how you feel. I met someone, he is married. I was in a lifeless marriage so I left. He is still with his wife and I don't know what to do... He says that he needs a little time to get things in order, I don't want to make him feel as though I want him to leave her, but I do! I love him without question. I want to be with him but my existence in his life is very difficult for him I can tell he is torn...