I Am In Love With A Married Woman That Works For Me

I am married. Four years ago iIwas not working and  found a job 4 hours from home. I took the job, found an apartment and commute to and from each week. When I first met this woman, I did not think anything of her. As I started to get to know her I thought she was nice.  After the first year, I was given the assignment of managing her and 5 other managers and 100 people. On one occasion, we had to travel out of town. We were together for a week. We talked business, had dinner and drinks. When I would talk to her i was fixed on her eyes. She would look into mine and i into hers. I really liked her, but was still her boss.  There was nothing just casual conversation, but again the looks into the eyes.
On many occasions i had to work more closely with her. The more i worked with her, looking into her eyes, I started feeling more. We went to a meeting where she needed to make a presentation. The entire time i was right across from her. Always i was looking into her eyes. She would look back at me, not sure if the look was for some sort of reassurance  which i think it was. When we were not together in the meeting, we would seemingly run into each other. At times I would look over and it seened taht she was looking over to me. That night we went to a bar. The whole time whether playing pool, or darts I  would look deeply into her eyes, and felt she was looking into mine. . What was i feeling? Was she feelin it too? Well, nothing happened. Over time we would meet, I would look into her eyes, we would talk. We would go out to lunch, talk. We went out for drinks after a business meeting. we talked for a long time. She opened herself up abput her prevuius relationships. Again nothing happened. We have since had more lunches, meetings and a few times went out for drinks- nothing has ever happened. This past January, I took all of my managers out for dinner. she was with them. During the dinner and drinks, a man showed up. I asked who he was. The other managers said that it was her husband that i had never met. i invited him to join us. I bought him a few drinks- the entire time she was next to him and totally ignored him. Shortly he left, and other s left. There were 3 of us there. Myself her and another manager. We all decided to leave. as we were leaveing this woman grabed my hand, got close to me and said thanks for the dinner. Nothing more was said. Weeks went on and conversations and looks took place. Nothing more. I musterded the courage to again ask her to lunch. She agreed. On the way back, as we were walking into the building, i asked about going out after work for a drink. She said yes, that her husband was at a class all week, and the kids were ok. We went to a wing place, had a few drinks and appetizers. She received a few texts from her kids and we laughed. Then she got a call from her husband. She told him she was with me having some appetizers and drinks. The rest of the evening was a little uneasy. Nothing happened. We have worked together, been in meetings have had some more one on one conversations. I asked her again to go out for a drink, but this time she said she couldn't and we should ask one of the other managers to go with us. We have not gone out since. I think about her all the time. Because I travel so far on mondays and fridays, she is all I think about. When I am home with my wife, i feel nothing. I look forward to getting back. I am at a loss to what to do. I know that i am in love with her but feel that this is a one way unrequitted feeling. When i see her and have to work with her I lose focus. I look forward to meetings where she is there. I have found myself setting up meetings with her just to be near her. I look over her way at times just to see her.  I try and find ways to meet with her without being too obvious. This week she has been on vacation. it boils me that she is with her husband and kids. More because of her husband. He does not treat her well. I don't know what to do, don't know how she feels, and don't want to take this further because of all the harrassment stuff. I know I  need to let it go, but it is awfully hard. Thanks for reading and thanks for your time.
trk1225 trk1225
56-60, M
4 Responses May 25, 2012

Life is too short. Stop making yourself crazy and go for it. The next time you look her in the eyes -- kiss her for Pete's sake!

It seems that you are already in some kind of emotional affair with this woman. Stop. It will not work out. You are better off putting more effort into your own marriage. When a relationship starts off this way, it has deceit, discomfort, lies and betrayal attached. Is it really worth it? I think not. Just be respectful and cordial, but keep your distance. Affairs are very ugly.

Well I like your advice. When she came back this week from vacation, I stayed distant. That morning she sent me an instant message - good morning! She has never done that. The we we went back to work related stuff. I organized it for her son to work in the office as an intern, so now it will be more awkward. <br />

Awkward? How about seeing it as an opportunity? Strictly on a work related level, make sure her son knows you can provide advice on whatever he is working on. If he appreciates your help, you've got an advocate; next step would be to get to know her husband better.

Have to agree with danishpastry, though -- risks are high, both for you and for her. Reasonable choice is to keep backing away, find some new life in your marriage.

"Reasonable" doesn't seem too good in relationship territory sometimes -- just suggesting, keep your eyes open, appreciate friendships for what they are, and pay more attention to what you already have.

Vote here would be to give it a while and some distance. Your desc<x>ription doesn't sound like it's unrequited, just that she's had to pull back to avoid problems at home and at work.<br />
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Okay -- not easy to do in a work relationship? Suggest finding someone else to socialize with, so that there won't be so much peer pressure on her to keep away from you. See if you can discreetly get the word out that you're spending time with your new acquaintance, since the one you really admire is already spoken for.