Do Onto Others As You Would Want Done To You.

I had to let her go. I did not want to that is for certain. She's married. I know what you are thinking; I have no business falling for a married woman anyway. Allow me to explain myself, or at least just hear me out. Seven years ago I met this girl who I just could not leave alone. She did the same with me. We were just always together or talking to one another at the least. I can remember the when I first saw her, what she was wearing and how her hair was done. We laughed all day and night and fought when we had differences but couldn't stay away from each other. Neither of us knew that we were in love with each other. We dated other people and carried on as best friends who knew everything about the other. I moved away and it wasn't until two years later when she was engaged that it dawned on me that I didn't want her to be with anyone but me. I had to tell her, I mean I wouldn't have been able to sleep without her knowing how I felt. She was always more introverted than I was so how else was I supposed to know if maybe she felt the same way? I told her and she left him. She was on a plane not a month later to come and see me. Only it was not exactly how I expected it to be. She was different around me. She was timid and didn't act like herself. I thought that it was probably just nerves so I ignored it and enjoyed being close to her again. She flew back home and we had a long distance relationship for a few more months consisting of me going to visit her once and her coming back again another time when she got some vacation time. She was still talking to her ex fiancé everyday and he told her how much he still loved her. The last time she came to visit it's like she was scared of me. Minimal touching, even handholding was just gone. We have since talked this through as to what was going on inside each of our heads and decided this may have been more my fault because I was starting to feel her being distant and so I did the same back but I did what I felt in my heart and what was logical in my head. I broke up with her and cried for two weeks without eating. She got married six months after we broke up to that same guy. I cut my losses or at least tried. Would have been easier if she didn't text me every single day. When I say everyday I literally mean everyday. Here we are three years later from that and she still texts me everyday. She is still married and has complained to me everyday about her marriage. It seems everything is wrong with her marriage to her all the time. She started telling me how much she still loves me and I exploded with feelings still for her too and so we were talking for about a month and a half. Talking about getting back together and even what we would do on our first date back together. She informed me her and her husband are going to counseling and that she is trying to find stuff that they can do together to bond. I did the only thing that made sense to me. I ended whatever we were trying to start. If she is putting forth effort with her husband I can't stand in the way right? I want to fight for her but as much as I try I can't just tell her to leave him and be with me because she will just tell me it's not that easy and I really do understand that completely. I took myself out of the equation and told her that she's always known where to find me and that I will still be here when she decides who I am to her, friend or girlfriend. I can't be both while she is married. But holy crap I just want to hop on the next plane out of here and go whisk her away.
reykjavik reykjavik
26-30, F
2 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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One of the most difficult things to do in life is to separate the real from the unreal. And while you may be in love and love this woman it is not real. You need to realize that. It is difficult because the unreal seems nuch more attractive. You need to get some dustance emotionally and physically. Give it some time...